Maybe
by Je Veux Croire
Summary: GA&PrP Xover ADDEK: Someday when we're at the same place, when we're on the same road, when it's okay to hold my hand. Without feeling lost, without all the excuses, when it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me. Then maybe, maybe...
1. Where I Stood

**A/N: **I know I haven't updated my other fic _**Ouroboros **_and I apologize. I'm kind of in a rut with that story and I just don't know how to get out of it, except to start another story to at least get my creative juices flowing.:D

**Saci**, I know I promised you a Paddison fic which I'm still working on, but it just seems off, like my _**Ouroboros,**_so that's why I have refrained from posting. You have been totally awesome and supportive of my fic and you don't even ship **ADDEK**, so that's why I want to give you a kick ass Paddison story, so please bear with me.:D

**Troatie,** you totally rock my world. Thank you so much for _**'Where I Wanted To Be'**_ your new ADDEK fic, it is AWESOME and I love it.

**Bohemiangirl, GoddessofYouth, McGorgeous, bleupastel, Abbeyannmd,Carolina1986, goldentail, hopelessromantic28, crazy-chica6, La Vi3 bOh 3M3**, **babywonder7, islandbabe831, bemymcsteamylvr, sheshep, xxxmitchy, nymaddy, k8addie28, heandsheshep, seriouslyaddison, kg99, theficklewriter, addekfanatic, frances, helly, karevsanantomy, skullflap, J-Grey, CitronPresse, renee79, krysten16, intoyoulikeatrain, addekfreak, alwaysda, and to everyone else I didn't mention** thank you so much for hanging with me and encouraging me with your kind and wonderful reviews. I will most definitely be updating as soon as I can give you an AMAZING chapter, hopefully it won't take too long.:P

I wanted to base this story on some of my favorite songs at the moment, the overall name of this fic however is** 'Maybe' **because I feel that this song is very fitting. Each individual chapter will be named with different songs that fit what is unfolding in the chapter.

_**Maybe by Kelly Clarkson**_

_I'm strong_

_But I break_

_I'm stubborn_

_And I make plenty of mistakes_

_Yeah I'm hard_

_And life with me is never easy_

_To figure out, to love _

_I'm jaded but oh so lovely_

_All you have to do is hold me_

_And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be _

_If you'll trust me, love me, let me_

_Maybe, maybe_

_Someday _

_When we're at the same place_

_When we're on the same road_

_When it's okay to hold my hand_

_Without feeling lost_

_Without all the excuses_

_When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me_

_Then maybe, maybe_

_All you have to do is hold me_

_And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be _

_If you'll trust me, love me, let me_

_Maybe, maybe_

_I'm confusing as hell_

_I'm north and south_

_And I'll probably never have it all figured out_

_But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you_

_And I promise I'll try_

_Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me_

_Every single detail you missed with your eyes_

_Then maybe_

_Maybe, yeah maybe_

_One day_

_We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely_

_Every little bit_

_Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then_

_I don't want to be tough_

_And I don't want to be proud_

_I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found_

_I'm not lost _

_I need to be loved_

_I just need to be loved_

_I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe_

_That maybe, yeah maybe_

_Maybe, yeah maybe_

_I should know better than to touch the fire twice_

_But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might_

_Maybe, love maybe_

**Summary: ** A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how those events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek and those around them.

**ThanX **go out to my **AMAZING** beta **Agent Extremis** who continues to read about a ship she completely dislikes.

**Disclaimer:** Deny Everything.:D

_**Where I Stood by Missy Higgins**_

_I don't know what i've done_

_Or if i like what i've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey you know me it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head_

_Little voices whispering_

_That i should go and this should end_

_Oh and i found my self listening_

_Cause i don't know who i am, who i am without you_

_All i know is that i should_

_And i don't know if i could stand another hand upon you_

_All i know is that i should_

_Cause she will love you more then i could_

_She who dares to stand where i stood_

**'Maybe' by Agent Addek**

_**'Where I Stood'**_

She walked out of Joe's, her adrenaline still pumping from her encounter with Meredith just a few minutes before. She stood by the sidewalk, taking in the Seattle night one last time before she went home.

Addison knew she shouldn't have said anything, because saying something would mean that she still cared, that it still hurt. Which of course it did still hurt and how could she not care after everything?...everything that happened and they're not even together anymore. 'Where is that cab?' she thought to herself as she looked around to see if the car was parked somewhere.

She started pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. All of the thoughts and feelings that she kept trying to stuff back in were threatening to bubble over. She couldn't go there, she came to Seattle for a surgery and what was happening here was no longer her concern right? But it is her concern because she walked away. She stopped fighting because she believed that she was letting him be happy with the supposed love of his life and now they aren't even together.

Addison took in a deep breath, massaged her temples for a bit and then kept pacing. Pacing and thinking and feeling. Feeling this ache in her heart and uneasiness in her stomach. What if she had stayed? What if she had kept fighting? Maybe she and Derek would still be together?

"Addie?"

She came to halt. Her heart began to beat rapidly and she felt like she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't be doing. She instinctively knew who it was, she'd recognize her husband's voice anywhere. 'Ex-husband', she reminded herself. Addison took another deep breath and turned around.

"Derek, hey." she said a bit awkwardly.

"Hey yourself. What are you doing out here alone?"

"I'm actually just waiting for my cab. I have to head back to my hotel, I have to pack and ahh..."

"Wait, you're leaving? So soon? But you just got here." he said with surprise.

"I only came here to perform surgery, and since both mother and child are doing fine, there isn't really a reason for me to stay longer. Besides, I have to get back home."

"Home?" Derek echoed a bit sadly. "It just sounds weird you know, that you have a home...a life that doesn't include me." he finished before he realized what he had said.

"What do you mean Derek? I haven't been here in almost a year and if I recall correctly, you were the one that wanted me as far away from your home as possible." Addison replied, a little peeved at his audacity.

"Addie I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off... I.. I just expected you to be here longer, that's all. I haven't seen or spoken to you in so long, I just didn't realized how much...how much I umm..how much I missed you until I saw you earlier today."

Addison was quiet for a few moments. She was touched by Derek's sudden honesty.

"Derek, what's going on with you? What are you doing?"

He gazed into her eyes for a few moments, considering whether or not he should even say anything. When he saw her earlier today, it both shocked and warmed him. He wasn't lying when he said he had missed her. How could he not miss her?, she had been a part of his life for so long. Yes, he had been the one to tell her to leave Seattle and never come back. Back then he had still been hurting and he was in this roller coaster of a relationship with Meredith, but that didn't mean that he no longer cared for her, that he no longer loved her. If there was anyone that knew him better than himself, it was Addison. She always had the ability to read him so well.

"Honestly Add, I don't know what the hell I'm doing." he looked away from her. Sometimes her gazes could be so intense. She was about to say something when her cab pulled over and honked.

Addison turned to acknowledge the driver's presence, then turned back to Derek.

"I gotta get going Derek, but I know you, you'll figure it out. It was good seeing you." She leaned forward and hugged him, and then felt him encircle her waist tightly. She pulled away, smiled, and walked towards the cab. She needed to get out of this town fast.

"Addison?" he called out to her.

She froze, she knew instantly what he wanted, what he needed from her. To be honest, she didn't know if she could turn him down. Addison took a deep breath and slowly turned towards him. "Yeah?", she managed to say.

"Could we just talk before you leave? Could we just sit and talk? I feel like we haven't done that in a long time." he said with a bit of melancholy.

"That's because we haven't." she replied, almost in a whisper. "I have an early flight Derek, I really have to get my things together." she explained rapidly as she tried to get into the cab before she succombed to this losing battle.

"Addison please, I can come with you to your hotel and keep you company while you do that. I just really miss you, I miss my best friend. Please Addie?" he pleaded

She stared at him for a minute, trying to come up with a thousand reasons as to why this was such a bad idea. She could come up with none because she missed him too.

Derek could see the many emotions playing across Addison's face, he knew that she was debating the pros and cons. He smiled when he noticed the change in her demeanor, it was no longer standoffish. He saw her shoulders relax and a smile tugging at the side of her mouth, he knew the answer before she said it.

"Okay, come with me so that we can talk." he chuckled when she emphasized the word 'talk'.

He tried to reassure her. "That's all I want. Shall we?" he offered as he motioned for her to slide into the cab.

They were both silent in the cab ride as neither of them really knew what to say. Addison couldn't take the silence anymore so she broke it first. "So things haven't really changed at the hospital...I mean well Karev and the rest of them are now residents, except for George, so that's different but other than that, everything is the same. Everything is the same and I am thankfully living in LA and very zen." she babbled.

Derek couldn't help but smile. He knew Addison tended to ramble when she was nervous. He always found that quality in her so endearing and cute.

"Actually, I did find one more thing that was different."

"And what's that?" he asked with a curious grin.

"You're now dating a doe-eyed nurse." she said matter-of-factly.

"Doe-eyed?" he asked bemusedly.

"Well, she's very doey Derek." she responded, trying not to laugh.

"Doey." he replied with amusement.

"Her name shouldn't be Rose, it should be Bambi." she said in a high-pitched teasing voice.

"Bambi?!" he couldn't help it, he looked towards Addison and as soon as their eyes met they both burst into laughter. Addison was on the verge of tears and Derek held his hand to his stomach as it was becoming too painful to keep laughing.

"Oh my god, I can't, I can't, oh fuck." Addison said as she was trying to catch her breath. Derek was still on his side with his head on Addison's shoulder, laughing hysterically. They continued to laugh for a few more minutes but were brought out of their moment when they felt the car come to a complete stop.

Addison reached for her purse to pay the driver but Derek beat her to it.

"Here, let me."

"Thank you." she replied with a smile.

"No, thank you." he said as he stepped out the car and then helped her out. "I needed that." he said with an appreciative grin as they walked to the entrance.

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As they approached, Derek noticed that Addison headed towards the hotel's restaurant. "Hey Adds, I thought you were going to get your stuff together and I was gonna keep you company?"

"Yeah we were, but I really don't have much to put away and I am starving. I thought we could have dinner, and then after we part ways, I could get all that other stuff done."

Derek watched her for a moment. He knew what she was doing...she didn't want to be alone with him and he wasn't going to push her. He was grateful that she was giving him the time of day after the crap he had pulled on her over the past few years. He simply smiled and followed her.

As they entered the restaurant, they noticed that it was practically empty. They walked up to the hostess who then sat them immediately. They scanned through their menus and quickly picked out what they wanted to order.

"Hey Addie, is a Pinot Noir okay?"

"Yes, that's perfect actually."

"Great, so you ready to order?" he asked and she nodded her response. The waiter took their orders and excused himself.

Addison stared at Derek, waiting for him to say something. That ease that they had felt in the cab was no longer there, it felt a bit awkward now. Derek could feel the anxiousness radiating off of Addison. He could see her brow furrowing and could tell that she was over-analyzing the situation. He was about to say something when the waiter came back with their bottle of wine and broke the uncomfortableness.

The waiter poured them each a glass of wine and retreated from the table. Addison was the first to reach for her glass and was about to gulp it down when she noticed Derek raise up his glass and look at her with a slight grin.

"What?" she said self-consciously.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make a toast before you drank the whole bottle." he teased and then took cover behind his napkin.

Addison tried to feign offense but her laughter gave her away. She quickly reached for a piece of the warm bread and chucked it at Derek.

"Hey, hey now, be nice! You don't want to start a food fight that you know you can't win. Remember last time?" he said as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

"Hahahaha... oh yeah..I forgot I was dealing with the 'King. Go on."

"To you, to us..." he stopped when he saw Addison raise an inquiring eyebrow. "I can't believe we've been around each other for half an hour now and we haven't killed each other yet, here's to us."

"Well, the night's still young you know." she chuckled as she met his glass.

"So how's life in LA?"

"It's good, it's really good. It's sunny, there's beaches, and umm...surfing."

"Oh yeah, the surfing that you don't do." he laughed.

"Well you never know, I just might take up surfing. Besides, I can always ask Dell to teach me."

Derek's jaw instantly clenched when he heard her talk about another man teaching her how to surf. "Oh, so you and this Dell guy?"

Addison hadn't noticed Derek's reaction so she quickly answered, "Oh no...no..no, umm..he's the practice's receptionist/midwife/surfer guy."

Derek smiled. He was relieved to hear that she wasn't seeing this Dell guy. He didn't know why, but the thought of Addison with another man still irked him to no end. He knew he no longer had a right to be jealous or territorial but he just couldn't help it.

"How are Naomi and Sam?"

"Good, they're good. Maya is getting older by the day. I just can't believe how grown up she is."

"Wow, I can only imagine. I still remember her from the Christmas card and the..."

"Yup, baby Maya."

"So...how about you Derek? What's going on with you?"

"Well, you know working, being a hot shot neurosurgeon."

"Hot shot neurosurgeon, you? I don't buy that." she said with a slight grin.

"Oh yeah I forgot, no one can come close to the double board certified world class neonatal surgeon gyno queen." he teased.

"Mmmhmmm...that's right." she teased back.

"So, how are things with Bambi?"she coughed that last part out.

"Hahaha funny Addie, her name is Rose, and I don't know...things are fine I suppose."

"How about you? Are you seeing anyone?" he asked hesitantly. He really didn't want to know the answer to that but he couldn't help himself, he had to know.

"Yeah, I am actually, sort of."

"Sort of?"

Addison was about to answer but was interrupted by the waiter who had arrived with their food. For Derek, a 16 ounce Delmonico steak with spring asparagus, grilled walla walla sweet onions, and a truffle brie whipped potato. For Addison, grilled halibut chop, warm morel and pea vine salad, with a prosciutto wrapped yukon potato. "Thank you, this looks delicious." Addison replied politely.

"Is there anything else I could get for you at the moment?" the waiter asked.

Derek looked at Addison and then at the almost half empty bottle of wine they had consumed so far. "Actually, could you please bring us another bottle of your Hanzell Pinot Noir?, preferably a 2000 or 2001." the waiter nodded in understanding and walked away.

"Derek, another bottle? I don't know if it's such a good idea, I have to leave early tomorrow."

"Oh come on Addison, live a little. Besides, remember we're celebrating." he winked and smiled at her. "Now let's eat before this gets cold. Weren't you the one that said you were starving?"

She jokingly glared at him but when she realized she was indeed famished, she took the first bite. "Oh my god this is heavenly! Der, you have to try this." She took a piece of her halibut with her fork and leaned in to feed it to Derek, just like old times. Derek felt a surge of emotions hit his chest. It just felt so familiar and right, he opened his mouth and was pleasantly surprised.

"Wow, you're right, that is pretty amazing! Here, you have to try mine." he also leaned forward and fed her a piece of steak. Addison instinctively held on to the hand that was holding the fork to her mouth. She closed her eyes and savored the many flavors of the exquisite steak. All Derek could do was gaze at her while he watched her enjoy it. He was instantly extremely turned on, he abruptly pulled away. Addison's eyes flew open to look at him. He couldn't look at her, he picked up his glass of wine and gulped the warm inviting red liquid. She noticed his sudden change and tried to put him back at ease.

"You can't even look at me when I compliment your steak, imagine if I was complimenting you." she said facetiously.

Derek couldn't help but smile at her, "Thank you."

"So did I tell you that Sam saw me naked?"

Derek almost spit out his wine at this revelation. "He what?!" he exclaimed, caught off-guard.

"Ha! I knew that would get your attention."

"Sam really saw you naked?" he inquired curiously.

"Yup, he saw my many amazing attributes, if I do say so myself." she beamed at him. "Did I ever share with you that I have a thing for naked dancing?"

"No, you never did, but I did catch you on several occasions, I just never told you. Plus, I was too busy enjoying the view to interrupt your pretty fantastic sprinkler move." he said as he tried to hold his chuckle.

"I can't believe you never told me!" she laughed as she reached out to smack him. Derek tried to move away but she was too quick.

"Ow! Okay, okay. So how did he see you dancing naked?

"Well, I moved in next door to him without realizing it. It was my first day at the practice and I had just gotten out of the shower. So as I was dancing around by my window naked, I turned and there across from me was Sam! He looked completely shocked and embarrassed." Addison explained as she tried to control her laughter.

"I would have paid to see Sam embarrassed." Derek replied as he joined her.

The waiter arrived with their second bottle and poured them each another glass. "I don't know if I should keep drinking, I have a very early flight."

"Oh come on Addie, the night's still really young. It's not even 10 pm yet. Besides, it's been a while since we've been able to enjoy each other's company. Please?" Derek made a poor attempt at pouting.

"You are seriously incorrigible Derek Shepherd. Okay, but only because I'm having a good time and this wine is absolutely divine."

Addison looked up to meet his gaze. She could feel him burning a hole in her skull."What?" she asked a bit nervously.

"Nothing, it's just good to see you smile. I hadn't seen you this relaxed in so long."

"Well I'm seeing a side of you I hadn't seen in quite a bit too."

"Is that a good thing?" he questioned honestly.

"Yeah, I like it." she simply stated as she took another sip of her wine.

Derek studied her for a little while before reaching out for his wine glass. Something unexplainable was stirring inside of him. The feelings that he thought had been buried long ago seemed to be resurfacing. He couldn't help it, he just had to ask her.

"Do you ever wish things could be different?"

Addison was stunned by his question to say the least. She pondered it for a moment, then downed her wine and reached for the bottle to pour some more of the burgundy liquid courage. She was silent for a few minutes as they both continued dining on their wonderful meals, but Derek began to worry that he had gone too far. Perhaps she had truly moved on and she no longer cared to revisit their painful past?

She finally spoke, "I guess it just depends on what you mean by different?" She waited for his reaction. Addison wanted to know what this was all about? They were getting too close to crossing a line and she knew she didn't have the strength to stop it from happening. She didn't even know if she wanted to stop it.

"Do you ever just wish...that you could go back and do it all differently? The choices?, our marriage?, our divorce?"

"Do you?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek nodded sadly. He scooted his chair closer to her. Addison's eyes widened for a moment and then she let out the breath she had been unknowingly holding. He leaned closer to her and her lips parted for him unconsciously. Their lips made contact. It was slow and tentative at first, but as soon as he reached behind her head to pull her towards him, they deepened the kiss. It was so easy and natural, like they had never stopped. Addison was the first to pull away, to catch her breath, but Derek was still holding her. They stared into each other's eyes, both asking the same question. Addison answered it by standing up and holding out her hand to him. He took it as she lead him to the elevators.

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As soon as the elevator doors closed, Derek continued his audacious assault on Addison's lips. She met his fervor, her arms encircled his neck and held him tighter to her. He instantly grabbed her ass and pushed her up against the wall. Addison didn't hesitate as she wrapped her never-ending legs around his waist. He rubbed his hard erection into her core as she panted into his mouth, the sensation almost driving her over the edge. Derek started to untie her top, but the ding of the elevator temporarily stopped their salacious onslaught of each other.

They quickly made it to her door where she fumbled with the key card. Finally, she opened the door, then turned around to face him before pulling him into the room by the collar of his shirt. He put his arms on her hips and walked in with her, shutting the door with his foot. Instantly he carried her and she automatically wrapped her legs around him once more. He walked them over to the bed and gently laid her down. Addison reached out for him and roughly pulled him towards her. She wanted to feel him deep inside of her, but Derek stopped her before she could unbutton his shirt.

"Wait Addie, I want to take this slow. Let me just love you tonight. I want to feel you, I want to explore you. I want to touch every part of you that has been long ingrained in my memory. I want us to make love."

She was quiet, she didn't know what to say. She slid her hands away from his shirt and let him lead her. He slowly started to unwrap her silk blouse. He wanted to see her, to feel her. He traced his fingers over her lace-covered swollen breasts. He continued to explore her soft flat stomach until he had completely removed her blouse. He then moved on to her skirt which he slid off in one swift motion until Addison was laying on the bed looking absolutely breathtaking. Derek couldn't stop staring, she was amazing. He quickly took off his own clothes and got on all fours on top of her. Her beautiful red hair was a great contrast to the white sheets. He gazed at her for a few moments. Addison couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious. "What?" she asked timidly.

"You're absolutely beautiful." he simply stated. The way he was looking at her, so genuinely, and with so much love. It made her heart swell with feelings that she had desperately been trying to forget. She smiled at him and then leaned up to capture his lips with her own.

Derek darted his tongue out and licked her lips. She sucked in her breath and her mouth fell open. He teased her lips, nipping hers gently with his. "Derek..." Addison said in a husky tone. He couldn't control himself much longer. He covered her mouth with his, slowly drinking her in. One of Derek's legs slipped in between hers and he rested his erection in between her thighs.

Addison could feel his long thick erection, it felt so amazing cradled in between her legs. Everything just felt so familiar, comfortable and amazing...like they'd never been apart. They knew each other's bodies like no other. He knew exactly what she needed and she knew exactly what he needed. They were each other's half. She worked her fingers into his boxers and gripped his cock. Derek hissed. He was so hard and she could feel him pulsing and throbbing in her hand. She pumped her hand up and down the head of his cock and then swirled her thumb around the tip of the head, stroking strong and slow back down to the shaft. "Jesus Addison!" Derek held her hand to stop her. "Baby, I love what you're doing but I won't last long if you keep doing that." She smiled and slid her hand up his chest. She looked back up into his face and saw the desire in his eyes. It was so fierce it looked like he was in pain. Addison began to shake with need.

Derek laced his fingers between hers on each hand and pinned them above her head, straddling her. "God Addie, you're amazing." he murmured. He swooped down and captured her nipple through her lacy bra. He suckled on her breast until she started to whimper. He moved to the other one and started his assault all over again. He let go of one of her hands and reached behind her to undo her bra. He easily unhooked it and tossed it aside, then began cupping her breasts as his thumbs circled her nipples. The sensation was too much and Addison let out a low moan. Derek took the opportunity to lean down and began to kiss, lick, and bite her breasts. When he sucked a nipple into his mouth she gasped and then arched her back and buried her fingers in his hair, holding him to her.

"Derek, oh God!"

His mouth began its descent south, his fingers grazed her sides and then tugged on the waistband of her panties and pulled them down and off. Then his mouth returned to its path, leaving wet kisses on her stomach, each kiss caused a shiver to run through her body. He started on her thighs, kissing the delicate skin there, letting his nose brush up against her outer lips as he nibbled on her inner thighs. He drew the flat of his tongue along her folds, flicking her clit with the tip.

Derek finally slipped his tongue deep inside her and Addison shook uncontrollably as he closed his lips over her folds, allowing his tongue to reach further and further inside. Addison whispered his name like a mantra,"Derek, oh god, Derek, baby please, I want ahhhh..please Derek." He pulled away and she bucked her hips, missing the warmth of his mouth on her.

"Tell me what you want baby...what do you want?"

"You, I want you inside me now...please."

He didn't hesitate. He slid up her body coming face to face with her again. He cupped her head as her legs lifted up over his hips and he positioned himself at her warm tight entrance. Derek poked gently until he felt himself sinking into her. Her warm fluids coated the flared end of his cock and they both sucked in their breath. Derek braced himself and slid into her completely with a steady stroke. When he hit her cervix he spread his legs, causing Addison's legs to widen further as he rocked into her, and then her hips rolled up off the bed.

"Hmmm...oh yeah, ahhh Derrrrrrrrek..." she purred.

"Oh Addie, you feel so good. I've missed you so much."

"Ahh..missed you toooooo..yeah."

"I love you baby."

"I love you too."

Addison groaned deeply, her back arched, her nipples dragged on his chest. Derek dropped his head and took advantage of her offered neck and began to suck on it. Addison reached for his head, running her fingers through Derek's hair as she met him thrust for thrust. They fell into a nice steady slow rhythm as Derek began to gyrate his hips each time he bottomed out against her cervix, feeling it stretch up into her womb. She grunted in pleasure and her hips sped up. He started to match her thrusts, speeding up and shoving himself into her more harshly. She shouted, "Oh Derek, OH GOD YES! Just like that baby. It's so good, God you feel so good. Awww you're...aww so good!"

He reached down to cup her ass, pressing her to him each time he slid into her for maximum contact. Her eyes started to gloss over and a little sheen of sweat glistened over her brow. Her cheeks and chest were red and flushed. She felt so amazing he never wanted to stop, but he could feel that he was close. His cock was so hard it was almost painful and his balls were so tight slapping up against her ass with every thrust. Addison began to whimper and he knew that she was close and so was he. He growled like an uncontrollable animal. "Yeah Addie baby, come for me. Come for me Addie. Ahhhhhh..."

Addison's mouth hung open as she sucked in a ragged breath and a keening sound emanated from her throat. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of his back as she found her release. That was all Derek needed. He panted, "Open your eyes, Addie."

Her eyes opened and he could feel her body vibrating beneath him. He pounded into her tightness and felt her muscles spasm around him again. Her back arched as she offered Derek her puckered nipple. He dipped his head down and nipped at it a few times quickly as she screamed out his name, "Deeeeeeeeeerrrrreeeek..." He felt her walls clamp down on him as he slid mercilessly into her now, knowing nothing but his need for release. He could feel her thighs trembling against his hips as she orgasmed again. The feeling he felt was something he hadn't felt in a long time. He finally exploded, squirting cum deep into her. He stayed buried inside her as both of them panted breathlessly. He slid out of her and rolled off bringing her to him, holding her in his arms. He reached out and found the covers as he knew she would be cold. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

"That was, WOW! That was AMAZING!"

"Yeah that was, what you said." she whispered

"Hey Addie?"

"Yeah." she answered a bit groggily.

"I meant what I said...I do love you and I miss you." he said sincerely.

"Me too." she whispered.

Neither of them wanted to move or say anymore. It didn't matter that they were sticky and glistening with sweat from their love making, all they wanted to do was bask in the afterglow. They felt sated as he pulled her closer to him and sleep soon followed. Their arms and legs entwined and every part of their bodies touched, even in sleep.

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The sun was seeping through the slits in the blinds, illuminating her hotel room. The unwanted glaring sound of the alarm clock stirred Derek awake. He felt a weight on his chest and when he looked down he smiled as he saw Addison's hair radiating with the sunlight. He had forgotten how amazing it felt to have her soft warm body draped over him in the morning. He missed these moments when he was simply able to breathe in her sweet scent and cherish her while she slept so trustingly in his arms. Addison began to stir.

"Morning Sunshine."

"Morning." Addison replied with a full smile. "What time is it?"

"It's only 6 am, your flight doesn't leave till 9:30, right?"

"Yeah, but I should probably get up and shower, and also call to have a car pick me up." she said as she started to slip out of his embrace. He quickly reached out for her and pulled her back to him.

"Well I'll tell you what, stay with me in bed for a few more minutes, and while you shower I can call the car company and order us breakfast. How does that sound?"

"It can be negotiated." she grinned slyly.

He leaned in and kissed her. He couldn't help it, she was so damn beautiful. Even in the morning with the bed head and the smudged makeup, she was still breathtaking. They kissed tenderly for a few moments, but then Addison pulled away. As good as it felt being kissed and held by Derek again, she didn't want to prolong the inevitable. She knew that this was closure for both of them.

"Okay, I seriously have to get going Derek. I still have to put my stuff away."

"Fine, fine, be that way." he pouted.

"Don't get pouty with me Derek Shepherd. You know that doesn't work with me." she said with a mischievous smile. She got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, knowing that Derek was watching her backside as she walked away.

"Woman, you're gonna be the death of me." he called after her.

As soon he heard the door close, he slipped out of bed and put on his boxers. He grabbed the breakfast menu and called to order their breakfast. He wanted to get all of her favorites, he wanted it to be special. He knew that this was the conclusion to the 'Addison and Derek' story. This is what they both had needed, but then why did he want her to stay? Derek shook his head, he knew that they couldn't go back. Even though they had essentially forgiven each other, they had to move on right? They couldn't try this again, could they? She was happy now, she was happy in another city, with other friends, and another man, right? And he was fairly happy, right? He was trying to move on with his life as well, he had Rose and this thing with Meredith. "What the hell is wrong with me?" he questioned out loud.

He called the front desk again to ask for a driver to take them to the airport. He wanted to accompany her, he wanted to spend any little bit of time she had left together. He looked around the room and noticed her suitcase. He went to grab it, he wanted to help her with putting away her stuff so that she could enjoy her breakfast. He knew that she was very meticulous when it came to her packing, especially with her shoes. Being with her for 15 years had taught him a thing or two, and packing was something he knew that he could do for her.

As soon as she closed the door, she released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Addison knew she shouldn't have allowed this to happen, but she had needed this, and he had needed it. This is what they had needed a year ago, but they had both been too hurt and angry to give it to each other then. She went to turn the water on and she let it run for a bit. She was happy now right? She loved her house, the practice, her friends. She had started to date Kevin and he was a great guy, and then there was this thing with Pete. She had moved on, right? "Ahhhh...get a grip Montgomery." she said to herself. This part of her life was over. There was no point in revisiting it, there was no longer an 'Addison and Derek.'

Fifteen minutes later, Addison emerged from the bathroom clad in a towel. She smiled when the amazing scent of food hit her nose. Her smile got even wider when she noticed Derek had not only packed for her, but had laid out her clothing on the bed. He had even given her two different options of shoes.

"Someone's been taking notes from 'The Rachel Zoe Project'. " she teased.

"Hey, I've known you long enough to know what you like to wear on your flights. Come here, I ordered your favorites." he said as he pulled out a chair for her and took the lids off of several of the plates. There before them was an assortment of foods. For Derek, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, toast, and black coffee. For Addison, he had ordered an egg white omelet with peppers and onions, a strawberry papaya cocktail, and green tea.

"Thank you Derek, this looks really good." she exclaimed as she dug into her omelet.

"You're welcome." he replied happily.

They were silent for a bit as they ate, but Derek really wanted to ask her something.

"So, will you be back anytime soon?"

"Umm...not unless my expertise is needed here...probably not." she admitted.

"Oh...okay..." he looked down at his plate, trying not to sound too disappointed.

"But you never know, I might come and visit Callie, Miranda, and Richard and umm..."

"Me." he finished for her.

"Yeah." she said in almost a whisper as she looked at her tea like it held all the secrets to the world.

"I wish you could stay." he said sincerely.

"I know, I wish I could too, but you and I both know I can't. We can't Derek." she said wistfully.

"I know Addie, I just ahh..." Derek was interrupted by the phone ringing. The front desk was calling to inform them that their car would be ready soon.

"Who was that?" Addison inquired.

"Front desk, the car will be ready in 30 minutes. I'm gonna take a quick shower while you get ready."

"Okay." she took a sip of her tea and watched him walk towards the bathroom. "Hey Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you gonna say?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing important." he turned and gave her one of his famous smirks. He couldn't bring himself to tell her, once again his fear and indecision overtook him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Traffic to Sea-Tac wasn't too bad. They managed to make it there in plenty of time. They exited the car and Derek asked the driver to park and wait for him. He grabbed Addison's suitcase and followed her to the ticket counter.

After she checked her bag and got all sorted out, they strolled over to the gate. As they walked side by side, he reached out for her hand. They laced their fingers together and continued to their destination.

They found a couple of chairs and took a seat, their hands still entwined. Derek raised up their hands to his mouth and gave Addison's hand a light kiss. She smiled at him, touched by his sweet gesture. Why couldn't he be like this years ago? She found herself thinking. Why couldn't they find each other like this? She shook the thoughts away, she had to stop thinking like that. There was nothing that could be done now. Too much had happened...things that could be forgiven but not forgotten.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked with a tinge of concern.

"Yeah, I umm...I was just thinking of what I needed to do when I get home." she lied.

"Like your surfing classes with the midwife?" he joked. He wanted to see her smile again. He knew she was in her head again and he wanted to distract her. He grinned when he heard her giggle.

"No, no plans for surfing lessons yet. You're silly, you know that?"

"Silly is my middle name. Hi, I'm Derek "Silly" Shepherd."

She laughed again, this time a good hearty laugh.

An announcement was made for her flight's departure. The ticket agent began to roll call the passengers from first class. Addison heard her seat number called out and quickly stood up. Derek stared at her for several moments, he didn't want to say goodbye. He knew that he might not be seeing her anytime soon.

"Okay, well that's me, so ahhh...yeah."

"Yeah."

"It was good seeing you again Derek."

"It was great seeing you too Addie."

They stood there motionless, just gazing into each other's eyes. So many questions wanting answers but never being asked. So many words of love but not being voiced. He reached out to touch his hand to her cheek and she leaned into it. He moved his hand to the base of her neck and pulled her to him. He needed to feel her close to him. Addison's stomach was doing flip flops. She just wanted to be near him and she wanted to feel his arms around her. Their lips met, it was slow, tender, and sweet. They wanted to savor this moment if it was going to be their last. Neither of them pulled away. Oxygen was not a factor in this moment, nothing else mattered right now. The moment seemed to go by so slowly and they finally pulled apart, but leaned their foreheads against each other, holding onto their closeness. Her seat number was called again.

"I have to go Derek."

"I know. I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery. Always."

"I love you too Derek Christopher Shepherd. Always, always."

Addison pulled away but not before he grabbed her hand and held it tightly. He didn't want to let her go, but he knew he had to.

"You'll always be a part of me Addie. Take care of yourself."

"You too." she glanced at him one more time, then turned and headed towards the terminal. Her hand slowly slipped out of his grasp.

Derek stood frozen as he watched her get closer to the gate. He felt a wrenching pain in his chest. Something inside of him was telling him to stop her, but he couldn't talk, he couldn't move. The love of his life was leaving yet again and he wasn't going to stop her. He couldn't bring himself to stop her. He knew this was it, he had to let her go. She would do the same and they would both move on with their lives.

He watched her for a few more moments and then with a heartbroken smile, he walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_See i thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you aren't leaving without a fight _

_And i think i am just as torn inside_

_Cause i don't know who i am, who i am without you_

_All i know is that i should_

_And i don't know if i could stand another hand upon you_

_All i know is that i should_

_Cause she will love you more then i could_

_She who dares to stand where i stood_

_And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call_

_You meant more to me then any one i've ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself _

_And so i say to you, this is what i have to do._

_Cause i don't know who i am, who i am without you_

_All i know is that i should_

_And i don't know if i could stand another hand upon you_

_All i know is that i should_

_Cause she will love you more then i could_

_She who dares to stand where i stood_

_She who dares to stand where i stood._

In the words of Missy Higgins: "Cause I don't know who I am, who I am with out your REVIEW."

So please REVIEW. )


	2. Dreams

_Okay so its been months since I last updated for this story and mainly it was due to the fact that eventhough they had a bittersweet ending, it was closure. Then I got this idea in my head and I had to continue the story. I hope it makes sense and that it alignes with the previous chapter. Also I'm trying something new with this chapter, instead of 3rd person, it is now in 1st person. If you all don't like it let me know and I will upload the 3rd person version. Thanks so much for reading and enjoy. =)_

**Summary: **

A/U this is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my eXcellent Beta AE ;) :D and to **Karen** for stepping in when **AE **was sick.

**Disclaimer: ** Believe the Lie. :) These characters and some re-enactments between Derek & **cough** Mer...(Sorry can't say her name again EWW) belong to Shonda Rhimes and Co. I just borrow them and have my way with them. ;)

**This chapter is dedicated to the memory of one of the most prolific directors of our time, Kim Manners. You will be dearly missed.**

**As he would say: "Kick it in the Ass!!"**

**'Dreams' by The Cranberries**

_"Oh, my life is changing everyday,_

_In every possible way._

_And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,_

_Never quite as it seems_

_I know I've felt like this, but now I'm feeling it even more,_

_Because it came from you._

_And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,_

_A different way to be._

_Ah, la da ah..._

_La..."_

**'Maybe' by Agent Addek**

**'Dreams'**

You know how people say that dreams do come true? Well, I never truly believed in that until I met her. I noticed her right away...I mean how could I not? Her gorgeous smile, her radiant hair...those legs that went on for miles. Yeah, I thought most of my dreams had come true the day that I made her my wife, but then I lost sight of many things. The little things that I thought weren't important...things that eventually led the love of my life to cheat on me with my best friend, the man who was like a brother to me. It took me a long time to realize that I played a huge part in helping my wife end our marriage, but that's all said and done now. We closed that chapter of our lives about a month and a half ago when we said our final goodbyes and silently gave our blessings to move on.

So here I am on my property, standing on my porch, looking for the woman I feel I can move on with. It hasn't always been easy for us, especially when that beautiful fiery red head came waltzing back into my life...but somehow, after all the mess we made of things, I feel like we can actually do this. I wasn't always convinced, as she can be pretty infuriating. She's insecure, immature at times, naive, and she doesn't trust many people. Well to be honest, she probably only trusts one person, her person...Christina. Not that she doesn't have a reason to be wary of people...her parents did a number on her...but sometimes, I feel like she likes playing the victim card, she's comfortable in that role. I don't mean to sound cruel or unsympathetic, but it's an observation I've made. I managed to help make some of those insecurities worse when I failed to tell her that I was married, then when I stayed married, and then when I did so many other things.

Staring at the Seattle skyline, now I notice how clear it is. It hasn't been this clear in a while, and like I said, I believe in dreams...I believe in signs, and I won't admit this out loud, but I believe in happy endings. I notice flickering lights up ahead of me, a cluster of lights blowing in the wind. I can see her in the distance...in the middle of what seems to be candles. She walks back and forth, going on and on about something. So I walk up to her and say her name. I'm ready to jump in again, I'm ready to dream a new dream.

"Meredith?"

"Where have you been?! I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating thing. I was just gonna tell you that this over here...." she points down at what seems to be an outline of a house. A house I had said that I wanted to build for us. A house that should have been mine and Addison's, but this is my new life...the life I want with Meredith and she has drawn us a house with candlelight. "....is our kitchen, this is our living room and over there...that's the room where our kids could play." I stare at her. I can't believe she's actually saying this. This is a huge step for her regarding us. I continue to listen as she goes on. "I got all whole and healed, and then you don't show up...and now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home. I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne!"

I'm finally able to really get her attention when I raise up the hand that is holding the bottle.

"This is the kitchen?...living room?...a little small. I think the view is much better from here...and that's the room where the kids are gonna play? Hmmm...where's our bedroom?" I make my way towards her, walking to my future.

"I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I trust you. I wanna trust you...but I don't know if I do. I'm just gonna try and trust you because I believe that we could be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart, and I wanna be..." I pull her towards me and kiss her...kiss her to shut her up, kiss her to tell her yes, kiss her because I think I'm finally ready too. We hold the kiss, both lost in this moment...but I pull away, there's something that I need to do.

"I have to go."

"What?" she asks confused.

"In order to do more than kiss you, I need to speak to Rose. I want my conscience clear so I can do more than kiss you."

She sighs.

"Stay here. Don't Move. Wait for me." I say with a smile as I start to walk away. I rush to my jeep, I need to go and find Rose. I know this isn't the best way to do this, but I'm gonna give Rose the respect that I never gave Addison and end things with her before I further things with Meredith.

I jump in the jeep, turn the engine on and prepare myself for a conversation I really wished that I didn't have to have. I switch on the radio because I need some distraction, some other noise than my own thoughts.

_"...Looking back on the memory of_

_The dance we shared beneath the stars above_

_For a moment all the world was right..."_

Flash: Derek and Addison's wedding day.

_"...How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye_

_And now I'm glad I didn't know_

_The way it all would end, the way it all would go..."_

Flash: Rainy night in New York, Addison begging him to stay.

_"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd of had to miss the dance..."_

Flash: The kiss they shared on the trailer's porch on that Thanksgiving with the cold chinese food.

Why did he keep thinking of her? Everything about tonight was reminding him of Addison. That day he let her go at the airport, he'd known it was goodbye. They spent that amazing night together and they both knew that they couldn't go back...too much had happened. So why now that Meredith is ready to be with him, now that he is sure about them, why is he thinking of his ex-wife? The song continued in the background as he tried to push all thoughts of his favorite red head aside.

_"...Holding you I held everything_

_For a moment wasn't I the king_

_But if I'd only known how the king would fall..."_

His phone began to ring. He dug through his pockets, trying to find the culprit of the extra noise.

_"...Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all_

_And now I'm glad I didn't know_

_The way it all would end, the way it all would go..."_

"Hello?" he answers as he reaches out to turn the volume down.

_"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd of had to miss the dance...."_

"Hello? I can't hear you, can you speak up a bit?" he asks as he holds his phone in between his ear and shoulder. He rolls up his window while keeping a hand on the steering wheel.

_"...Yes my life is better left to chance_

_I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance..."_

"Hold on, give me a sec..." he shuts off the radio. "Okay, Hello? Oh hey... how are you?... Yeah, what's going on? Are you okay?..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You'd think that at my age I wouldn't be praising the porcelain gods...and if I was, it should be due to a night of heavy binge drinking...well it's not. The nausea, the pounding headache, and the dizziness is killing me. At first, I thought it was a 24 hour bug, but now I'm convinced it's the flu. I feel like a two ton truck just hit me...well my stomach actually, and nothing I'm doing seems to be working. I feel absolutely retched! I just want to crawl into my comfortable bed, wrap myself in my warm blankets and be dead to the world. Of course, having Kevin here to wrap himself around me would definitely be a bonus.

Addison smiles to herself but then frowns when she feels the nausea coming again. Yup, that's why I can't be in bed. I can't make any movement at all, it just exasperates my ailment.

I hear the front door unlock...Naomi has arrived to take care of me. Boy is she going to have her hands full! You know what they say...doctors do make the worse patients.

Naomi enters Addison's living room to find her curled up in a fetal position on the couch. She instantly feels awful for her friend. She sets down the bags of comforting items that she's brought along with her, but as soon as the soup she's made hits Addison's nose, Addie quickly leaps from the couch and runs to the bathroom.

Naomi can hear Addison throwing up as she heads to the kitchen to grab her some ginger ale and crackers. She really doesn't know what's wrong with her but she's going to make sure that she's taking care of herself.

Addison walks slowly back to the couch and curls up again, surrounding herself with blankets. "I feel like crap Nai."

"I know Addie. Here, drink this and have some of these...they'll help with the nausea." Naomi says as she hands the items to Addison.

Addison reaches out and takes the crackers and ginger ale. She smiles weakly at Naomi. "Thanks Nai, I really appreciate you coming over to check up on me. I don't feel so hot and you know how I can be when I'm sick."

"Yup I do. That's exactly why I brought all of this extra stuff for you. You are so bad when you're sick Adds. You don't take care of yourself. Okay, I'm gonna go put this away and make some tea. Then we're gonna try and figure out what's going on with you. It shouldn't be too hard, we're both doctors after all." Naomi winks at Addison and walks towards the kitchen.

"Oh god not again..." Addison grunts as she leaps from the couch and rushes to the bathroom once more.

Concern instantly washes over Naomi's face. "Addie, you okay?" she yells after her. She gets no response so she walks up to the bathroom door and knocks. "Addie?"

"I'll be out in a minute, ahhh.." Addison replies as she heaves again.

"Okay, let me know if you need anything." Naomi says as she goes back to the kitchen to grab their tea. She enters the living room with both mugs in hand but she can still hear Addison in the washroom gagging. She sets down their cups and waits.

Not much later, Addison re-enters the living room and curls up, immersing herself in the mountain of blankets again. She notices the cup of tea in front of her but doesn't reach for it. She doesn't want to risk it coming back up like everything else has today.

"I made you some camomille tea...it should help soothe your stomach." Naomi offers.

"Thanks Nai, but I think I'm gonna pass. I really don't know what's going on. I mean, I'm a doctor...I should be able to self diagnose." she says frustratingly.

"Well, you've been feeling like this for what...the past 3 days?" Naomi asks.

"Yup. I thought it was food poisoning at first, then a 24 hour bug, but now I think it might be the stomach flu." Addison states.

"Okay, so what are your symptoms? Do you have a fever?...nausea?... what?"

"Uhmm...I've just been feeling some dizziness and nausea. Seriously, everything I smell just makes me sick! Oh my god and this pounding headache that just won't go away!" she finishes.

"Addie, when was your last period?"

"What? I don't know...I can't really think about that right now Nai. Why?"

Naomi is quiet for a few minutes...then she shakes her head and chuckles to herself.

"What's so funny Nai?" Addison asks in annoyance.

"Nothing...it's just that all of those symptoms that you described, just....no no... forget it. It's not possible. I mean, even if you tried you would need help. You only have 2 eggs left and your FSH** is borderline. There's no way, it would be a miracle." Naomi babbles.

"Nai?"

"You've only been sleeping with Kevin what a week?...two weeks at the most? Even if it was natural conception it would definitely take more than that, so..."

"Nai?"

Naomi stops mid-thought and looks at her confused sick friend. "Sorry, it's just that it sounds like you could be pregnant Addison." she states simply.

Addison was quiet, trying to process this information. 'There's no way I could be pregnant...and if I was pregnant, I would so know. I mean come on, I'm a doctor. I deal with pregnant women all the time. Nai's right, even if there was a possibility, I would need her help or at the very least, a lot a lot a lot of sex. Kevin and I have only slept together a handful of times and we've been safe. I mean, we've only been dating for what... 2 ½ weeks...and I just started sleeping with him. Symptoms don't usually start until 2-6 weeks into the pregnancy so it's not possible. Besides, I had my period …I had it...oh my god!! I had it about 2 months ago..', "Oh My God!!!" Addison says loudly.

Naomi snaps her head up instantly and sees the look of shock on Addison's face.

"Addison?"

Addison is astounded by the possibility "No, it's not possible Nai! It's ridiculous to even think it, right?! There's no chance in hell that it could actually happen this way! I mean come on, what does he have super sperm?! If it did happen this way, it would be one big hahahaha on me!!! This cannot be happening Nai!! Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick again!" Addison quickly stands and runs to the bathroom.

Naomi sits there, a little dumbfounded by Addison's reaction. Could her friend actually be pregnant? After a few moments Addison comes back into sight, walking very zombie-like. She's quiet for a few moments before she speaks.

"Nai, this is crazy! It's not real!! There's no way right?" she pleads with her.

"Well Addie, I can't give you an answer until I know what you're talking about. Are you telling me that there is a chance that you could be pregnant?" she asks curiously.

"What I'm saying...or what I'm asking is...is there a chance without IVF treatment that I could conceive?"

"Well, what I've learned in all my years of helping women get pregnant, is that yes, anything's possible and miracles do happen. This could be your miracle Adds."

"Okay then. Okay... ahhh..I think I need a pregnancy test."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm uhhh...pretty sure I am."

"Okay, well let's ahhh...wow this is a bit...Addison. Uhmm...let's go to the practice. I can get you a more accurate answer there. Wow Addie...you and Kevin could possibly be..."

"Nai?" Addison says her name to get her shocked friend's attention. "Can we please go to the practice and find out for sure? Then we can talk about all of the details once I know."

"Okay, let's go. I'll drive." Naomi offers her a small smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison quickly dresses while Naomi clears up the living room. They get into Naomi's car and drive silently to the office. Naomi wants to give Addison time with her own thoughts, so she doesn't disturb her with any conversation.

'Could this really be possible? Could this really be happening? Why now? If I'm pregnant and these are symptoms of that, then I'm more than two weeks in. If that's the case, this would mean that this would be our baby....mine and Derek's. After everything that has happened, after fighting so hard to move on, this could link us together again...for life. I've wanted a baby for so long. I wanted a baby with Derek and this could very well be a chance to have that but, oh my god...this would be so complicated...with Derek. We live in different states, how would this work? And Kevin? ...What about Kevin?' Addison shook her head to stop her thoughts. 'Okay, I can't think about all this right now. I have to know first. I have to know, then I can figure this out...figure out what I'm gonna say to Derek and what I'm gonna say to Kevin.'

They park and Naomi quickly exits the car as Addison follows closely behind, both of them are silent. Addison finally speaks up. "I want this to be true Nai, I'm just not ready for all the complications that are going to come along with this situation."

"You mean having a baby? Addie, you will be a wonderful mother. You have nothing to worry about, you.."

"No, not about that. I want a baby and I'm ready Nai, but it's...you know what, I'll worry about that once we know." The elevator comes to a stop on the 3rd floor and as they exit they bump into Violet.

"Hey, what are you two doing here? Aren't you sick?" she asks as she looks at Addison.

"Yeah, well...I'm something, just don't know what yet." Addison replies as she walks towards one of the exam rooms.

"What's up with her?" Violet questions.

"Uhmmm...we'll know soon enough. What are you doing here so late?"

"Catching up on patient notes and I have nothing else to do. I have no life Naomi." Violet gripes frustratingly.

"Oh Violet, come on let's go find Addie and I can deal with both of you together." Naomi loops her arm through Violet's and drags her along to find Addison.

They enter the exam room where Addison is already propped up on the table. She has pulled out all of the necessary items for the test.

"What are all the tubes and needle for?" Violet asks curiously.

"Pregnancy test." Addison replies.

"What? You think you've got a bun in the oven?" Violet blurts out.

"Yes. No. I don't know, that's why we're here. Can we do this Nai?"

"Yeah, let me finish setting up. Here...while I do this, why don't you go and get me a sample of your urine. We can do a urine test and blood test. The blood results won't be in 'til tomorrow afternoon, but you and I both know that a urine test, if done correctly, is 97% accurate, so..."

"Yeah, okay...I'll be right back." Addison says as she takes the cup and walks towards the bathroom.

Naomi and Violet both stare after Addison. Something seems off but they can't put their finger on it.

"Is she okay?" Violet asks with a tinge of concern.

"I don't know. I mean, I know that she and Kevin haven't been dating that long, and that this is definitely a shock for her, but there is something else going on and I don't know what that could be."

Addison reappears in the exam room with her sample in hand. She gives it to Naomi, then props herself up on the bed again. Naomi turns her attention to the urine sample, reaches out for the strip and slides it into the plastic cup. She washes her hands and then gloves up to perform her next exam.

Addison extends her arm as Naomi searches for a good vein to draw blood from. She finds a spot, cleans it with an alcohol swab and then reaches for the needle. As she inserts the needle, Addison flinches a bit but doesn't make a sound. Violet hands Naomi the little tubes as Naomi fills them up.

"Okay, you're all done. I'll take these down in a bit and we'll have these results by tomorrow, around noon. Are you ready to know your urine results?" Naomi asks cautiously.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Naomi reaches for the strip and pulls it out. The results prove what she has suspected. Positive. She looks up to meet Addison's intense gaze and smiles. "I don't know how this happened Addie-girl...but according to your urine test, you're pregnant!"

Both women see Addison's face ashen instantly, then see her start to hyperventilate. "Addie?" Naomi questions in alarm. Addison can't hear anything, there's just silence. She sees the room spinning and then nothing. Violet and Naomi both rush to her side as they see her body go limp.

Naomi yells out. "Addie? Addison? Come on Addie!"

Violet grabs her files and starts fanning Addison, trying to give her some air.

"I think the news was a bit too much for her." Violet states the obvious.

"You think?" Naomi responds with more annoyance than she intends to.

"Addison, honey, open your eyes. Addie-girl, open your eyes." Naomi begs.

"She's not responding. Why isn't she responding?"Violet questions worriedly.

"I don't know. Hand me that alcohol swab."

Violet hands Naomi the alcohol swab. She takes it immediately and passes it underneath Addison's nose. Her eyes begin to flutter and she finally comes back to consciousness.

"Wha...What happened?" Addison asks in confusion as she tries to sit up.

"You fainted and scared the hell out of us, that's what happened" Violet says, with relief evident in her voice.

"You passed out Addie...you really scared us there for a minute. How do you feel?" Naomi asks.

"Ahh...I'm fine. I just ahhhahh...have this pounding headache now. So uhmmm...I guess I probably imagined that whole thing right? I'm not pregnant with my ex-husband's baby?" She looks at Naomi and sees the reaction of astonishment on her face. Then she sees Violet's jaw drop. "I'm guessing that's a no. Shit!" Addison closes her eyes but then opens them when she hears Naomi's high pitched voice.

"You slept with Derek?" Naomi questions. "You slept with Derek and now you're pregnant? What?! Addison, when did this happen?" Naomi asks in confusion and with concern.

Violet is too stunned to speak. She thought her life was a big ol' mess...but Addison, Addison takes the cake when it comes to affairs, divorces, and babies with ex-husbands. This was definitely going to be good... and where's Cooper when she needs him to share the new practice gossip.

"I didn't expect this to happen Nai. It was meant as a goodbye." she explains.

"A goodbye! Addison, you've been divorced for what?...almost two years...that was goodbye! When did this happen?"

"Look Nai, I don't need any lectures. I need my best friend right now. I need you to help me make sense of all this. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do!"

"Are you sure it's Derek's and not Kevin's?" Naomi questions.

Addison should have been offended by her question, but she understands why Naomi would ask. "I'm sure. I've only been sleeping with Kevin for the past week, and you and I both know, that to determine a pregnancy through levels of hCG**, it takes between 6-8 days. Symptoms don't start until about 2-6 weeks into the pregnancy. I slept with Derek about a month and a half ago. My last period was about that long ago. Besides, with a trans vaginal ultrasound, I'm sure we could determine how far along I am." Addison finishes.

"You slept with him when you went to Seattle for that consult?" Naomi asks.

"No wonder you were glowing when you came back. Hey, you told me it was the night crème you were using...Tourmaline or something like that. You totally lied and I went and bought it. Argghh.." Violet says, a bit miffed.

"Violet, can we please focus here?! My best friend slept with her ex-husband and didn't tell me. My best friend is now pregnant with said ex-husband's baby." She turns back to Addison.

"Addison, what were you thinking?!"

"I don't think she was thinking Naomi, I mean I wouldn't either. I've seen pictures of Derek and ooh boy! Addison, I don't blame you one bit. I would totally subscribe to his services too." Violet says with a chuckle, completely amused with herself.

Addison and Naomi both glare at her, not too pleased with her random comments. "Wow, tough crowd. Okay, I'll just zip it for now."

Addison turns her attention back to Naomi. "Nai, please can you not ask why, when, and where, and just be my friend and my doctor. I need you Nai. I'm scared that I won't make it through my first trimester. You said it yourself, it's a miracle, but we have to be realistic here. I'm 41 years old and I only had two eggs left, one of which has now been fertilized. My FSH** is borderline. What are the chances that I will carry this baby to term?" Addison questions with trepidation. She herself being a neonatal surgeon already knows the answer, but she wants and needs a second opinion.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just worry about you Addison. I love you and I'm so tired of seeing you hurt. I know this is something that you've wanted, something you wanted with Derek for so long. So let's take a deep breath and let you enjoy this moment. Hey Addie, you're gonna be a mommy. Congratulations!!" Naomi says with a big grin as she embraces her very shocked and terrified friend. Addison instantly relaxes in her embrace.

"I'm gonna be a mom. I could actually, possibly be a mom Nai." she says with excited laughter.

Violet eyes them for a few seconds and then joins them in a group hug. "Okay I'll bite, let me in on that hug. Congratulations Addison!"

"Thank you Violet. Thank you." she says as she gives her a quick appreciative hand squeeze.

"Look, I don't want to break up this happy party, but we need to do an ultrasound."

"Right now?" Addison inquires.

"Yeah, why not? We have the machine here and I know how to perform and read the ultrasound. The sooner we know how far along you are, the sooner we know how we need to proceed in order to help you keep this baby. Why don't you go ahead and undress from the waist down, and put this over your...oh would you listen to me...why am I even telling you this? You've performed many of these yourself, you know what to do. Violet, come with me, I need your help getting the machine in here. We'll be back in a few minutes, just relax." Naomi says with a calming smile and exits the exam room with Violet in tow.

Addison undresses and then lays down on the table. She adjusts herself on the stir-ups as she fixes the paper blanket over herself. She still can't believe that this was actually real. She and Derek were going to be parents. She feels like she's going to wake up and realize that this has all been a dream.

"Hey, you all set?" Naomi asks as she and Violet roll in the ultrasound machine. "I'm just gonna set this up and we can get started. Do you want me to walk you through it?" She asks. Naomi wants to give her the option even though Addison knows exactly what she will be doing.

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks Nai." Addison replies with a smile.

Naomi eyes Violet who then moves over to the other side of the bed and takes Addison's hand. "Just relax Addison, we're here with you." Violet assures her.

"Okay Addie, I need you to scoot down a bit more and relax your legs. I'm warming up the gel before I apply it to the wand. Now, I need you to take a deep breath and slowly let it out." Naomi slowly inserts the wand but Addison tenses up a bit. "Relax Addie...remember, I can't harm the fetus with this, okay? Just breathe."

"I'm just so afraid that I'm not gonna carry this baby to term. I know all the risks Nai." Addison says as tears stream down the side of her face.

"Addison listen to me, I know all the risks too. I'm gonna walk you through all of them, but remember, you have me and I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you carry this baby to term. Okay?"

"Okay?" Addison replies as Violet squeezes her hand assuringly.

"Let's see, oh there it is, there's the yolk sac. So this definitely puts you at about 5-6 weeks into your pregnancy. I'm going to take a few scans and then print them out for you." She takes a few snaps of the images, then readies Addison. "I'm about to remove the wand okay, now breathe 1...2...3... You're all set. Go ahead and clean up. Violet and I will meet you in my office so we can go through the scans and the file I already have on you."

Addison nods in understanding as Naomi and Violet exit the exam room. She stands up and goes into the bathroom to wash up. "Oh my god!! I really am pregnant." She says out loud. She looks in the mirror. She looks and feels different already. She still has many fears, but she's one of the best in her field and so is her best friend. She knows that this baby, hers and Derek's baby, will have a chance to come into this world.

She walks into Naomi's office where Nai and Violet are already sitting. They look up as she walks in and both give her a comforting smile.

"So you're pregnant." Naomi says in order to break the silence. "We'll have your blood results by tomorrow, but we can officially say that you're with child. I still want to look at your results, just to make sure that you're not anemic. If you are, that would explain why you've been feeling like hell. That, or you just have a really bad case of morning sickness...or in your case, all day sickness." She says with a small chuckle. "Okay, now for the not-so-good stuff. I just want to go through all of this with you and then talk about how we're not going to let any of it happen. Are you with me?" Naomi questions her cautiously.

"Yes." Addison simply states.

"Okay, so the chance of fertility with the kind of FSH levels that you have, are at about 2.7%. The chance of miscarriage is at about 71.4%, which is really high, especially in women between the ages of 40-45. You've already beaten one of the odds Addison, and those women that experienced the miscarriages didn't have me, and I'm very good at my job. You know what else?...they didn't have you either. You are one of, if not the best, in neonatal...and together, we are going to give my little niece or nephew a fighting chance." Naomi finishes.

"Okay, we can do this. I can do this. I can do this." Addison repeats it like a mantra.

"Now what I need you to do, is cut down on your stress level. No more long hours at the office. Starting tomorrow, you will only be here half the day. I'm also going to start you on pre-natal vitamins. As you may know, it helps tremendously that you are fit and in good health, so continue to eat the way that you do. Of course, you know that you can't eat certain foods. Like fish with high mercury levels, raw meats, deli meats...I'll give you a list. I know it seems like a lot, and you probably already know these things Addie, but I need you to please let me be your doctor and let yourself be a patient." Naomi pleads with her.

Violet has been quiet throughout Naomi's explaining, but once she feels that Nai's finished, she speaks up. "Addison, I know you don't like for me to shrink you, but I know that this is an extremely hard and awkward situation for you, so if you need to talk, my door's always open. I also think it would be a good idea for you to see Pete about helping you with some relaxing techniques. He's really been good in cases like this before." Violet suggests.

Addison sits there, taking all of the information in. She feels overwhelmed by everything.

"Addison, are you okay?" Naomi asks with worry.

Addison meets her gaze and then speaks. "I just...I uhhh...I still can't believe this! A year ago when I came here, you told me there was no chance of me ever having a baby...and now, now it's completely possible...but it's also not possible. What if something goes wrong?" She eyes both of them. "What if something goes wrong and I've made all the plans and decorated the room and bought all the baby essentials? What if I tell Derek that I'm pregnant, only to later call him and tell him I'm not? What if...oh god..." Tears begin to stream down her face. She's afraid. She's afraid to fall in love with this baby only to later lose it.

"Addison?" Violet says in order to gain her attention.

Addison looks up and meets her eyes. Violet's taken aback by the raw emotion that the red head is showing. She's known her for a little over a year now but she had never seen her like this before.

"Addison, you can't be afraid to enjoy this. I know it seems like the odds are stacked against this pregnancy, but you know what you need to do. You also have Naomi and me. You will have this practice completely behind you, helping you along the way. As for Derek, it's not your responsibility to worry about him, let him do that. All you have to concentrate on and put your complete energy towards is this baby. Everything else will fall into place. Okay?"

She sighs and then smiles. "Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The drive back to her house is again spent in silence. Addison is still in shock and Naomi wants to give her some time to let everything sink in. They pull up to her driveway and walk in unison towards the door.

"How are you feeling?" Naomi speaks first.

"I feel a little better...not too much nausea."

"Look, I know you probably don't want to eat, but you need to Addie. I'm going to make you a quick snack and warm up some of that tea for you."

Addison nods and gives Naomi an appreciative smile.

"I'm going upstairs to take a quick shower. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay, let me know if you need anything."

Addison goes up the stairs and undresses as she walks into her room. She's about to walk into the bathroom when she hears the phone ring.

"I'll get it Nai." she yells so that Naomi can hear her.

"Hello?"

"Hey Addison, it's Kevin."

"Kevin, hey."

"I just wanted to call and check on you...and to say goodnight, cause I don't think I'll be getting out anytime soon."

"Oh that's okay...uhmm...I actually feel better...and Naomi's here with me so I'm not alone."

"Okay. So can I see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Then I'll give you a call. We can do lunch near your office."

"That's sounds perfect. I'll talk to you then."

"Goodnight Addison."

"Goodnight Kevin."

She feels guilty for not telling him, but it's not something she wants to do over the phone. She's hoping he won't be too upset. After all, they had only gone out on two dates before she went to Seattle. Then she didn't hear back from him until about 3 weeks later. She really likes Kevin but she'd understand if he couldn't be with her after she told him.

Addison turns on the water and lets the shower run for a bit. She just needs to feel the pressure of the water hit her back. She slips in and instantly feels calmer. She closes her eyes and loses herself in her thoughts for a bit.

_'As a little girl, I always believed in fairy tales and when Derek waltzed into my life, that belief carried over into my adult life. He was my prince charming. He was tall, dark and handsome. His eyes and smile were definitely the first things I noticed and they attracted me to him. Then there were his hands. The hands that would end up saving so many lives, were the very hands that he'd later used to map my body at night. When we married, I thought life could only get better. Like I said, I believed in fairy tales and dreams. I wanted that life with the house, the kids, and the great husband. I could have had that life but then things fell apart and my dreams for all those things died the night he walked out that door. I never thought I would ever get any of that back...but now, here I am...showering in Los Angeles while one of those dreams is growing inside of me.'_

Addison touches her hand to her stomach and smiles, but she's brought out of her reverie when she hears a knock at the door. "Addie, are you okay?" her concerned friend asks.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay, I just wanted to check on you."

Addison shuts the water off, slips out of the shower and wraps herself in a towel. She quickly dries off and changes into a comfortable long camisole. She stares into her tall length mirror and turns sideways, trying to see if she could see a slight bump. To her dismay, her stomach is still very much flat, but she knows it won't be like that for long.

As Addison enters the living room, she sees a plate with fresh fruit on it, along with a bowl of vegetable soup and some crackers. She takes a seat as Naomi walks towards her with a glass of water.

"Okay, eat up. You need your strength since you vomited half your weight earlier." Naomi says with a chuckle.

"Ewww Nai, thanks for reminding me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay Nai. I'm fine. Nai?"

"Yeah honey?"

"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me and for not pushing for the details. I promise I'll tell you, I'm just trying to process."

"You're welcome...and take all the time you need hun. Are you gonna be okay tonight?"

"I'm pregnant Nai, I'm not completely helpless you know."

"I know, I just...at the office earlier you weren't too great...and I just want to make sure that you'll be fine. I could stay with you tonight...I'll just have Maya stay with Sam and..."

Addison waves her off. "No it's okay. Go home to your daughter, it's a school night. I'll be fine tonight. I'll see you tomorrow morning, bright and early."

"Okay, but if you need anything, anything at all, please do not hesitate to call me, alright?"

"I will. Goodnight Nai."

Naomi walks over to Addison and gives her a quick hug, "I love you."

"Love you too."

As soon as Nai is out the door, Addison stands up to grab her phone. She needs to make a phone call. She's definitely dreading this phone call but she has to let him know. Derek has a right to know. But should she tell him over the phone? Or should she have him travel up to LA? Maybe she should be the one to go to Seattle? She can't keep thinking about this, she is only avoiding the inevitable.

She grabs the phone and dials. It rings and rings and then he picks up.

"Hello?" he answers. She can hear him fumbling with the phone. There's music in the background.

_"...Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd of had to miss the dance..."_

"Derek?" she questions.

"Hello?" he repeats. "I can't hear you, can you speak up a bit."

"Derek, it's me. Can you hear me?" she asks.

_"...Yes my life is better left to chance_

_I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance..."_

"Hold on, give me a sec...." she hears him fumble some more and then silence."Okay, Hello?"

"Hey Derek, it's me, Addison."

"Oh hey... how are you?..."

"Uhmmm...I'm good. Do you have a moment?"

"Yeah, what's going on?"

She's quiet, she doesn't know how to begin.

"Are you okay? Addison?" he calls out to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you driving?"

"Yeah I am. I'm running an errand." he lies.

"Okay, well I won't take too much of your time. I need to talk to you Derek, it's important."

"Addison, you're scaring me! Hold on, let me pull over."

"Derek wait..." she tries to get his attention but he has already set down the phone. She can hear him turning off the engine.

"Okay I'm back, I just parked outside the port."

"You on your way to the hospital?"

"Yeah, I need to go take care of a few things, but I'm not working tonight. So ahhh...what did you need to tell me?" he asks with a tinge of concern.

"I didn't want to do this over the phone Derek but...I uhhh..."

Derek feels like time is stopping. Was she calling to tell him something that he wasn't ready to hear? Did she find someone to share her life with? This can't be happening. He can't lose her to someone else. Someone else can't have her, she's his. Even when they're miles apart, she's a part of him. No, he doesn't want to hear this...whatever it is, it doesn't sound like something he's ready to deal with.

"...I guess I'll have to, you have a right to know."

"To know what Addie, you're scaring me!"

"No, it's nothing life threatening Derek, well not now anyway. Uhhhh...I'm pregnant." She can hear his quick breath intake, she doesn't know what he's thinking. She desperately wants to see his reaction.

Derek stops breathing. She's pregnant, she's pregnant with someone else's child and she called to tell me...why? This is too much! I can't do this with her, I need to get off the phone.

"Congratulations Addison, I'm sure you and the father are ecstatic. Listen, I'd love to keep catching up, but I have to get going...ahh...can we talk later?" He needs to stop talking to her. He feels like he's just been gutted. The idea of his Addie carrying another man's child is just too much to bear. He has no right, he knows that, but he can't help it.

"Derek, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to tell you."

Derek can't stop himself and he abruptly speaks. "How can I not understand what you're saying? Jesus Addison! Do you really need to make sure I know?! I get it! You're happy, but I can't handle this. What it took you 2 months after being with me to find someone else and move on and get pregnant? Look I know it shouldn't affect me like this, but knowing that you're having a baby with someone who isn't me, just feels wrong. I'm sorry. I'm happy for you. I really am, but I have to go." he's about to hang up on her when he faintly hears her say.

"It's your baby Derek. Our baby."

Everything suddenly stops. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears. She's pregnant with my baby? With our baby? He can't talk, he can't move. He's floored.

"Derek, are you there? Derek?"

_"...I want more, impossible to ignore,_

_Impossible to ignore._

_And they'll come true, impossible not to do,_

_Impossible not to do...._

_And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me._

_You're what I couldn't find._

_A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;_

_You're everything to me._

_Oh, my life,_

_Is changing every day,_

_in every possible way._

_And oh, my dreams,_

_It's never quite as it seems,_

_Cause you're a dream to me,_

_Dream to me._

_Ah, da, da da da,da,la...."_

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!**

**Sources:**

Understanding Early Pregnancy/First Trimester Ultrasound Results:

.com/od/diagnosingpregnancyloss/ss/ultrasound_

Transvaginal Ultrasound:

.com/topic/transvaginal-ultrasound

Infertility

Ovulation/Ovarian Reserve Female Age and the Chance for a Successful Pregnancy:

.com/ovulation_

Foods you can't eat when pregnant:

/hub/Foods-cant-eat-when-pregnant

Courtesy of MedlinePlus

Trusted Health Information for you:

.

**FSH-Follicle stimulating hormone.

**hCG-Human chorionic gonadotrophin

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	3. Ready

**Summary: ** A/U, This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my eXcellent Beta AE ;)

**Disclaimer:** "Kick it in the Ass!"

_**'Ready' by Kelly Clarkson**_

_Frozen, forgetful again_

_The part where I lose my head_

_The scene where I'm supposed to speak, but instead.._

_I sit and listen again_

_I'm stuck with these cards, I guess_

_Leaping from this cliff in my thoughts_

_I fly like the stones in my heart_

_Drowning in doubt for what reason?_

_I sit so patiently_

_Drenched in what you want me to be_

_I can't escape_

_[CHORUS:]_

_I'm ready now_

_Oh, I'm ready now_

_Oh, oh, I'm ready now_

_Come get me_

**'Maybe'--by Agent Addek**

**'Ready'**

"Derek are you there? Derek?" She called out frantically. She needed to know if he had heard her. It seemed like so much time had elapsed since she had told him but it had only been a few seconds...he finally responded.

"I'm here." He replied simply.

"Did you hear what I said?" She asked puzzled.

"I did. I did...I'm just...I don't know what to say Addie. A minute ago, my stomach was in knots just at thought of you having a child with someone else, and now...learning that the child you're carrying is my child, our child...my stomach is still in knots." He stated honestly.

"I know this is quite the shock Derek...believe me, I was stunned as well. Look, I don't know what to say or do, I just know that I needed to tell you. I'm still trying to figure this out myself."

"When did you find out?" He said as a question not an accusation.

"I just found out an hour ago. Naomi ran a urine and blood test. Urine was positive, but I won't have the results of the blood test 'til tomorrow, but after the ultravaginal exam there's no doubt, I'm six weeks in."

"So that night..."

"Yeah, that night."

"Shit Addison, I'm at a loss for words here. I don't know what the right thing to say or do is. This is just so unexpected..."

"I know Derek, I know. You don't have to say or do anything, today or on any day for that matter, but if you want to talk things through, I'd be more than happy to. I'm not expecting anything from you, I hope you know that."

"Look Addie, I'm still be processing this, but you need to know that I'll be there for our baby. I just have to figure things out...can I see you?, can we talk in person?"

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea, but there's one more thing uhh...it's a delicate pregnancy Derek, so I can't do anything too strenuous. You'd have to come here." She said apprehensively.

Derek paused and thought to himself for a few moments, 'delicate pregnancy?' "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He asked worriedly.

"I am, and so is the baby, for now....I think it's best if we talk in person though. I can better explain it to you then." She was physically shaking, she needed to get off the phone she didn't want to stay on long enough to find out what he would say when it finally hit him. "I should probably go...so just call me and let me know when you'll be coming in. Goodnight Derek."

**"Oh...okay. Uhmmm...g**oodnight Addison."

As she hung up the phone, her hands began to tremble. She did it! She'd actually mustered up the courage and called him. Addison had no idea what he was thinking, he probably wasn't. He did say he was still trying to process. What the hell had she gotten herself into?! Why did she always manage to make things a lot more complicated than they needed to be? She went to put away her dinner that she no longer had the appetite for, and then made her way up to her bedroom. Addison needed to think...what was she going to do? What did she expect Derek to do? He had a life in Seattle, he's probably still dating that nurse, how would this work? So many different questions were running through her mind, but she couldn't think of them tonight. She was not supposed to stress, her baby depended on it.

Addison touched her hand to her flat stomach. Her baby. She loved the sound of that! She was going to be someone's mommy. She didn't know how long it took for someone's maternal instincts to kick in, but she was already feeling like a warrior, ready to go to battle for her unborn child. Addison knew that she would do whatever needed to be done in order to insure this baby, hers and Derek's baby, would come into this world. She smiled softly, then closed her eyes and tried to drift off into sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek sat in his truck, still dumbfounded. He had just received the most shocking and thrilling news. He was going to be a father! He and Addison were going to be parents. Just when he thought everything was going to go a certain way, he was being thrown this amazing and terrifying curve ball. Derek couldn't help but smile. Soon a little person with the perfect blend of he and Addison would be coming into this world. Would it be a little boy?..that he could teach how to play catch, that he could go fishing with, a son to carry on his name. Or would it be a little girl?...that would be the apple of his eye, that would be his little princess, one that he would spoil and never turn down a single whim to. Derek couldn't deny that he was completely overcome with joy, he felt like laughing, crying, and telling everyone that he was the happiest man in the world at this very moment. The ringing of his cellphone brought him out of his elated state. He reached for his phone and suddenly the smile that colored his face was gone. "Shit! Meredith."

With the news that Addison had just given him, he had completely forgotten that he had left Meredith back at the trailer while he went to break things off with Rose. What the hell was he going to tell her? He had to pick up or she would probably worry. The phone rang a few more times, he took a deep breath then picked up. "Hello?"

"Derek, where are you?"

"I'm on my way to the hospital, I told you...I had to see Rose."

"I know, it's just been a while...I thought you'd be on your way back."

"**Meredith, I had to stop and think of how I was going to tell her. I couldn't just walk up to her and blurt it out, that would be insensitive**. Look, I'm about to get on the ferry to go over. Why don't you go home and I'll come by later?" He knew that she would not be happy. She had finally gone out on a limb, and now he had not only broken the moment, but he was also going to have to find a way to tell her that he and his ex-wife were expecting a child. He pinched the bridge of his nose when he heard her annoyed sigh.

"Fine. I'll see you later." She said, then abruptly hung up.

He couldn't blame her for being angry and frustrated. She was taking a huge leap for him and he had just let her down. Derek needed to think, he still needed to process everything...but he couldn't make any definite decisions until he spoke with Addison. He had to fly out to Los Angeles. He needed to know how it was all going to work out, that was definitely his first concern. He would have to deal with Meredith and Rose later. He flinched. He knew that his leaving would be a bit abrupt, but he couldn't help it. He needed to get to Addison. He needed to make sure that she was okay and that their baby was okay. Derek realized that he and Addie were no longer together, but that didn't take away from that fact that he still deeply cared about her and felt a responsibility to her. If he told Meredith now, she wouldn't understand, and any progress that they may have made would be shot to hell. With Rose...well, she didn't need to know either. All she needed to know, was that it was over...and that he was sorry for stringing her along.

Derek started the ignition and turned back onto the road. He couldn't deal with Rose or Meredith tonight, they both would have to wait. He reached for his cellphone and dialed a familiar number. It rang a couple of times and then a strong voice with a hint of timber answered.

"Weber."

"Chief, it's Derek."

"Shepherd, what are you doing calling me so late? Is everything okay?"

"No...I mean yes, everything's fine. I just...well, I need a few days off. There's something I need to do."

"What? Derek what are you talking about? You can't just take a few days without any notice, you have several operations lined up this week. Have you lost your mind?"

"Richard, I have to go." Derek didn't want to tell him the reason why, but he knew Richard...he wouldn't let him go without good reason. As much as Richard tried not to play favorites, he had always had a soft spot for Addison. "It's Addison. She needs me."

"What? Is she okay? What's wrong with her?" Richard asked with concern.

"She's fine, or as well as can be expected I suppose. She's pregnant." He'd finally said it out loud to someone other than himself...it was now officially real. "I'm going to be a father."

Richard was floored. Addison was pregnant! His Addie and his brainless neurosurgeon were having a baby.

"Are you for real? Derek, I don't even know what to ask? I...wait...didn't...?"

"We spent the night together when she was here for that consult, almost 2 months ago. She's about six weeks in, and apparently, it's a delicate pregnancy. I have to go see her, she can't stress too much. I need to go see her so that we can figure things out. I'm asking you as a friend to let me take a few days."

 "Go and see her. Make sure she's okay and that she's taking care of herself. Don't worry about anything else, I'll take care of rescheduling your surgeries. Can you...can you please give her my best? Tell her I said congratulations and that I miss her."

"I will. Thank you Chief. I'm going to fly out on the first flight I find tomorrow morning. I shouldn't take more than a couple of days."

"Take all the time you need. Just make sure Addie has what she needs. And Derek...?"

"Yeah Chief?"

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you." He answered with a proud smile. He flipped the phone and threw it on the seat next to him and kept driving. He had to get home to get his things ready, he needed to get LA.

He arrived at the trailer and quickly exited his car. As he rushed in, he came to a halt and turned to the clearing where Meredith had placed all the candles. They were no longer lit, but they were all still there. Derek felt guilty for leaving her and then asking her to go home, but what else could he do? If he told her, she wouldn't understand...and if she did and asked questions, he wouldn't know how to answer them. How could he answer anything until he saw Addison?

Derek unlocked the door and walked in. It suddenly hit him how small and cramped the trailer was, he really needed more room. Where would the baby sleep? This place was not ideal for a newborn, let alone a baby crawling around. He had to get a house. He should probably call his contractor and start building, they only had about 8 months before his little girl or little boy would be coming into this world. He stopped and smiled, and then couldn't help but laugh a bit. He was already making plans for their child and he still had no idea what Addison had decided.

He couldn't just assume that she would be moving back to Seattle, but then, who would be there to help her? Was she seeing anyone? If she was, would she be ending that relationship? She would have to right? Addison couldn't very well be carrying their baby and have another man in her life, could she? He chided himself. It wasn't fair that he was already making plans to run her life. It was her life after all, but she had to know that he would be uncomfortable with it. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to worry about that.

He began rummaging through some cabinets and found the bags that he was looking for, then he started digging through his closet and drawers. Derek managed to find everything he needed. He packed some extra clothing because he didn't know how long he would be there. He wanted to be prepared to stay for as long as Addison needed him. He grabbed his laptop, opened it up and turned it on. He waited for it to load and was growing impatient. He was anxious to book the ticket. He needed to book the ticket before he changed his mind. It's not that he didn't want to go, it's that he was afraid of what was coming...would he have a say in anything? Derek typed in his favorite airline and waited for the window to open. He recognized the familiar red and blue letters and began his search. It didn't take him long to find a flight. He found one that left at 9:45 the next morning which would give him plenty of time to get to the airport, park his car in their garage and get to his gate. He booked it, then closed the laptop and set it aside.

Should he call her and let her know that he was on his way? Nah, she said she was going to try and sleep, he shouldn't wake her. She needed all the rest that she could get, after all she was carrying baby Shepherd. Baby Shepherd...just thinking about the baby brought a smile to his face. He could see it clearly...him standing behind the glass window looking through it to find his baby, their baby, with the I.D. bracelet that read Baby Shepherd around its tiny little wrist. He wondered how Addison looked...was she showing? Probably not, she's only 6 weeks in and she has a very fit body, so she probably wouldn't show for at least 3-4 more months. Was she glowing? Was she having cravings? Morning sickness? Wow, he was going to miss out on a lot! Anytime that he had pictured he and Addie having children, he was always by her side...attending to her every craving, massaging her feet after a long day, cooking for her, going to her appointments. His face was crestfallen. He would be missing out on some of the most important moments that Addison would be going through with their baby. He slumped down further on the bed and then leaned over and turned off the lights. Derek laid his head back on his pillow and stared blankly at the ceiling. Things had taken such a turn in the past few years and he hadn't even realized when it happened. Why is it that he was able to forgive Mark and start building their friendship, but he wasn't able to do that with Addie? He had loved her. Hell, he still loved her! That night that they were together, he had made love to her, but he had chosen not to stop her from leaving and had decided to move on. He was sure that that night was closure for her as well. She had moved on with her life too, but now fate was bringing them back together again. Should he see that as a sign? So many scenarios were running through his mind, but he knew he wouldn't be getting any answers tonight. He forced himself to stop thinking about the 1,000 different questions and he tried to sleep. He had an early day tomorrow.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The morning sunlight was sneaking in through her drawn curtains. She pouted when she felt the light tickle her eyelids. She knew that she had to get up since her alarm was about go off. Without opening her eyes, she slid her legs out from under her comfortable fluffy comforter, swung her legs to the side of the bed, and tried to find her slippers with the tip of her toes. She slowly sat up, then opened her eyes, and smiled. It was real...she could feel the difference. She was now carrying a little person inside of her, a combination of her and Derek. Addison got up from bed and walked up to her closet. She had to find the perfect outfit to fit her happy mood today. She wanted something soft and flowy. She had never been too girly...all of her outfits had been sleek and sophisticated, but ever since she had moved to LA, her style had become more relaxed. Still sophisticated, but with an LA flare. She went through most of her clothing until she saw it there in the back of her closet. It still had all the tags because she had just purchased it a couple of weeks before. It had been an impulsive buy. She hadn't even known if she could get away with the color, but it had called to her. Addison reached for the lime colored, cap sleeved, deep vee neckline dress and pulled it out and then went straight to the mirror. She put it over her camisole and liked what she saw. It was a flouncy and girly dress, exactly what she had wanted. Plus, it was a Zac Posen...one of her favorite designers. She felt giddy and completely happy with her choice. All she needed now was a pair of strappy heels and she'd be all set. She looked through her extensive collection of shoes and found just the pair. Then it dawned on her...she couldn't very well be wearing 4 inch heels...not after knowing that she was pregnant. As much as she loved them, they would take a toll on her back. So she went back to the drawing board and looked through her flats collection. Not that she had many, she had a few pairs but none of them caught her eye. She kept looking and then found just the pair. They weren't flats, but they weren't 4 inch heels either. They met right in the middle. She leaned down and picked her old faithful Manolo Blahnik that she had worn before with the goldtone snakeskin thong. She grabbed them, pleased with her findings, and then she tossed the items onto her bed and headed to take a shower. She quickly showered, dressed, and gave herself a once over before she headed for the office.

Addison walked into the practice with an extra bounce in her step. Pete, who was leaving something with Dell, noticed her exit the elevator.

"Good morning Pete, Dell." She said with a smile and then continued to her office.

Pete and Dell were dumbfounded. There was something different about her.

"She looks good." Dell offered.

"She always looks good." Pete replied. "Something's different." Dell shrugged and turned back to his work while Pete continued to watch her as she settled in her office. Then it hit him...she looked happy, really happy.

Addison set her purse down, adjusted a few things on her desk, and then walked towards the lounge. Even though she'd had some juice and a banana nut muffin before she left home, she still felt hungry. As soon as she walked in, she overheard Naomi and Violet talking about her. She cleared her throat, "I hope you're only saying good things about me?" She teased with a slight grin.

"Addison, what are you doing here? You should have taken the day off." Naomi said as she walked towards her.

"Morning to you too. Look, I'm pregnant, not sick. I thought I'd come and see a couple of patients. Plus, Kevin's meeting me for lunch, so..."

"Oh, are you telling him?"

"I have to Nai, he'll figure it out sooner or later. I just don't know how to tell him. Is it even fair to put him in that situation? We just started dating and now I'm gonna tell him that I'm pregnant, but it's not even his...it's my ex-husband's, who I slept with before we got serious. Violet, you're really quiet...what do you think?"

Violet, who was still standing by the sink watching their exchange, turned to her. "I think...I think you look really good today, did you do something different?" She laughed at herself a little, "I'm sorry, it's just that you're...I don't know...glowing."

"Really, you think so?" Addison asked as she looked down at herself and ran her hands down the front of her dress.

"Yeah, you do look different Addie...must be the fact that now you know that you're having a baby." Naomi said as she looked at her with a slight grin.

"Who's having a baby?" Both Cooper and Sam said in unison as they walked into the lounge.

Addison looked from Naomi to Violet. "They're gonna find out eventually you might as well tell them." Violet offered.

Addison turned to both of them, "I'm pregnant." She simply stated.

Cooper immediately went up to her and embraced her, "Congratulations Addison." Sam just stood back watching Addison with a curious stare. "Sam?" Naomi questioned.

Sam continued to watch Addison and waited for Cooper to step away, then walked up to her. "Congratulations Addie." He said with a genuine smile and then embraced her tightly. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

Addison understood, "Thank you Sam. Thank you."

Naomi watched her ex-husband and her best friend curiously. Then it dawned on her...Sam had always been very protective of Addison. She was like a little sister to him even though they were only a year apart. When they all used to hang out together back in med school, and Archer wasn't around, Sam was her surrogate brother. Now his little sister was having a baby and his protective instinct had kicked in. She looked at both of them and then smiled.

"What's with all the mushy hugging in here?" Pete questioned as he walked in. Violet and Cooper both waved and headed out while Sam and Naomi were still crowded around Addison.

"I'm pregnant."

Pete was floored, that was definitely not the answer that he was expecting. He smirked, "I knew there was something different about you, you're glowing." He stated "You look beautiful Addison" he said wistfully. "You and Kevin must be so thrilled. Congratulations."

"Yeah." She whispered as she averted her eyes to her hands. It went unnoticed by Pete, but Sam caught it and raised an inquiring eyebrow. Pete left, and only Naomi, Sam and Addison were left.

"Okay, what's going on?" Sam questioned with concern.

"Nothing Sam, why would you ask that?" Naomi said nonchalantly. .

"Yeah, I don't buy that for a second. You have that 'Lucy and Ethel' vibe going on. Addison?"

"I'm telling Kevin today. I only found out last night and I couldn't tell him this over the phone, I had to..."

"Of course you couldn't, that man needs you to tell him face to face that he's going to be a father. Look Addison, I know that you may be worried about his reaction since you've only been dating him for a short amount of time, but give the man a chance, he might surprise you..."

"It's not that Sam, it's just that...it's just that he isn't the father."

Sam was floored. If Kevin wasn't the father then who was? No, it couldn't be, could it? "Addison, I thought that you and Pete had decided not to go there? Wait, you just told him that you were pregnant and he didn't even flinch! How could he just walk away to go to work like that?! I'm gonna go..."

"Sam!!" Addison said loudly to get his attention. Sam turned his attention back to her. "Pete's not the father, and you're right, we decided not to go there."

"Then who is?" He asked confused. As far as he knew, she had only been on a handful of dates, and her first real relationship since she moved here, had been with Kevin.

"Derek. Derek is the father."

Now_ that_ he didn't expect to hear. When? How? Well obviously he knew how, but when? He looked a little at a loss, so Addison answered his unspoken questions.

"When I went to Seattle for that consult a month and a half ago, we saw each other and talked and...well you know...and now I'm pregnant."

"Does he know?"

"Yeah, he does. I called him and told him last night." This got Naomi's attention.

"You called him after I left?" She asked.

"Yes. I couldn't not tell him...and if I didn't tell him last night, I was afraid I would lose my nerve. So I called him."

"What did he say?" Both Sam and Naomi asked in unison.

"He was shocked to say the least, but I don't know...I couldn't really tell if he was happy?, excited?, disappointed? I didn't stay with him on the phone long enough to find out, but he said he would be flying out here to talk so..."

"When is he coming?" Naomi questioned curiously.

"I don't know...he didn't say. I assume soon...I'm guessing he'll call me." She shrugged. "Look, I have to go get ready for my patient, but uhmmm...I'll see you at noon Nai?" She smiled at them and then turned to walk out. Sam and Naomi just stared after her, "Nothing is ever easy for them, is it?" Sam questioned out loud. Naomi chuckled, "They wouldn't be Addison and Derek if it was."

The day seemed to pass rather quickly. It had been a pretty hectic day, but she had still kept an eye out for Addison. She needed to make sure that she wasn't over doing it. She trusted that Addison would take care of herself, but it didn't make her worry any less. This was going to be a difficult pregnancy for her best friend. She would have to fight for this baby every step of the way.

Naomi was startled out of her thoughts by a knock at her door. Dell's head peaked in. **"**Naomi, these results just arrived for you." He said as he handed them over to her.

"Thank you Dell. Hey, is Addison still with her patient?"

"Yeah, but she should be finishing up soon. It's her last patient for the day."

She nodded and then sat back down. She ripped opened the side of the envelope and then slid the test results out. She no longer needed verification, but it was there in black and white. Addison was indeed pregnant. Naomi read through the results just to make sure there wasn't anything abnormal, then paused when she noticed something. She flipped a few pages ahead and then back again. It couldn't be possible. Addison's tests were showing high levels of HCG. High levels at the beginning of a pregnancy were normal, they usually double every 48 hours, but this rise could be a problem. She was beginning to worry. Naomi looked up when she heard someone walking in, it was Addison.

"I'm finally done." She said as she flopped down onto the chair, her dress slightly bouncing. "I'm so exhausted and starving." She stated as she turned her attention to Naomi.

Addison could see the worry in her friend's eyes. "Naomi, what's wrong?" She asked with concern.

"Nothing Addie. I just...okay, please don't worry. Promise me you won't worry?"

Addison could feel the panic in her rising and her brow creased in worry, "Nai, what's going on?"

"Addison, it's probably nothing. I just got your blood work back and there's some high levels of HCG. They're too high and I just want to perform an ultrasound again to make sure I didn't miss anything." She stated reassuringly.

"High HCG levels? What? Nai are you telling me there's a strong possibility I'll miscarry?" Addison asked on the verge of tears.

"Addison, please calm down. This panic and stress that you're feeling right now is not good. Please just breathe and calm down. That's why I want to do another ultrasound. I just want to make sure nothing was missed last night, or that we didn't have a faulty machine. Aside from the high HCG levels, there's nothing else abnormal in your blood work, which is good Addie. I'm going to call St. Ambrose and call in a favor with Charlotte so that I can perform the exam there. Okay?"

Addison had relaxed a little, but still felt on edge about the blood results. She was so afraid that her worst fears were coming true. She wiped a few tears away from her face and then nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I'm going to go get my things and then I'll meet you in the reception area." She stated as she quickly stood. She wanted to find out as soon as possible, but then she waivered when she felt a bit dizzy.

"Woah there, you okay?" Naomi said as she rushed to Addison's side.

"I'm fine Nai, I just got up too quickly." She offered her an reassuring smile and then she left. Naomi watched her go and then picked up the phone to call Charlotte.

Addison could feel the nausea building up in the pit of her stomach. What if she lost this baby? This baby, that by all accounts should not have been conceived, but was. This beautiful little miracle that would tie her and Derek together for the rest of their lives. What if it wasn't meant to be? She swiftly walked to her office, completely oblivious to the familiar man waiting for her inside.

He stood as soon as he noticed her approaching, but she hadn't noticed him. Derek was taken aback, she looked absolutely breathtaking. He had always thought of her as beautiful, but seeing her now, he was easily and instantly reminded of how gorgeous she was. Plus, she was glowing. His admiration turned to worry when he realized that she seemed a bit off. He noticed that her shoulders were slumped in defeat and that her face was downcast, towards the floor that she walked on. Something was wrong. She always walked with perfect posture, always looked at the people that walked by her, so that she could greet them with her warm smile...but not in this moment...something was wrong. He felt a nagging feeling in his chest. He called out her name, "Addie?" He said softly.

She looked up when she recognized his voice. "Derek?" She said in shock. Then relief washed over her and she almost ran to him. He quickly embraced her, completely enveloping her in his arms. Addison adjusted herself on his chest, trying to find that familiar comfort and safeness. Derek could feel her trembling in his arms. "Addie?" He repeated her name again. He reached up with one hand to touch her chin and brought her face to meet him. She attempted to stop her lips from quivering, but she was losing that battle. He could see the tears that she had shed and the ones that were still waiting to spill.

"Derek, I'm so glad that you're here. I don't know if I can do this alone." She cried.

"Addie look at me. What's going on?" His voice tinged with dread.

"The baby. Something's wrong with the baby."

Derek felt like someone had punched him. He felt the walls in her office closing in and he could feel his heart beating rapidly. How could things change so quickly?! One day he'd felt like he was on top of the world...he had found out that he was going to father, and now...that seemed like it was going to be stripped away from him! He had been ready for this, even with the doubts and the questions regarding the baby, he was ready. Derek continued to embrace and caress Addison, trying to comfort her. They stood in the middle of the floor as she desperately clutched him, neither aware that they had an audience.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Okay, well there you have it. I know it took me over 2 months to update and I suck I know, but there it is. I hope you all like it.

**P**lease REVIEW!!! :D:D

(Reviews are like Squees :D )

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Health Topics Pregnancy Abnormal Results:

.

_Fearless with cape in hand_

_Conquer what I need to, to mend_

_Little girls get so broken_

_But I sit so patiently_

_Drenched in what you want me to be_

_I can't see to escape_

_[CHORUS:]_

_I'm ready now_

_Oh, I'm ready now_

_Oh, oh, I'm ready now_

_Come get me_

_Through with golden roads and perfect love_

_Too much of your mouth is like too much sun_

_How I burn, how I burn_

_I was so patient waiting for my turn_

_I fly like stone as I break every bone_

_Come get me_

_[CHORUS:]_

_I'm ready now_

_Oh, I'm ready now_

_Oh, oh, I'm ready now_

_Come get me_

_[CHORUS:]_

_I'm ready now_

_Oh, I'm ready now_

_Oh, oh, I'm ready now_

_Come get me_


	4. Across The Universe

**Summary:** A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith, and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX **go out to my excellent Beta Agent Extremis =)

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_**Across The Universe**_

_Words are flowing out like_

_Endless rain into a paper cup_

_They slither wildly as they slip_

_Across the universe_

_Pools of sorrow waves of joy_

_Are drifting through my opened mind_

_Possessing and caressing me_

_Jai Guru Deva. Om_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Images of broken light, which_

_Dance before me like a million eyes,_

_They call me on and on_

_Across the universe_

_Previously On 'Maybe':_

"_Derek, I'm so glad that you're here. I don't know if I can do this alone." She cried._

"_Addie look at me. What's going on?" His voice tinged with dread._

"_The baby. Something's wrong with the baby."_

_Derek felt like someone had punched him. He felt the walls in her office closing in and he could feel his heart beating rapidly. How could things change so quickly?! One day he'd felt like he was on top of the world...he had found out that he was going to father, and now...that seemed like it was going to be stripped away from him! He had been ready for this, even with the doubts and the questions regarding the baby, he was ready. Derek continued to embrace and caress Addison, trying to comfort her. They stood in the middle of the floor as she desperately clutched him, neither aware that they had an audience._

'**Maybe'---By Agent Addek**

_Chapter 4: 'Across the Universe'_

What is a miracle? Is it when beyond the bounds of possibility happens? Is it when something that was never meant to be, is? Miracles seem to happen everyday. Sometimes, they're very subtle and quiet, sweeping in like a soft touch on the face. Other times, they're extremely evident and impossible to deny. We had our miracle, a little human being growing inside Addison that was a combination of both of us. This little being had so many odds against it to begin with...we were no longer together, she couldn't conceive, we slept together once, and yet we found ourselves pregnant. We found ourselves in a situation that we never thought could happen.

We had dreamt of our family together, a boy and a girl, in that order. A house in Connecticut with a huge backyard, with weekends in the Hamptons and visits to the city. All of those plans changed after my absence and indifference, her affair, then mine. This family we had hoped for was no longer in the realm of possibility, but then it was. Even though we're no longer together, that life seemed to be piecing itself together right in front of my eyes, and then almost immediately, snatched away. I want this miracle. I need this miracle. We need this miracle.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek held on tightly to Addison as she clung to his chest, still sobbing uncontrollably. His heart ached for her. He didn't know what to say other than to gently rub small circles on her back to help soothe her. He was afraid. He didn't know exactly what was happening, but seeing Addison this upset, told him that whatever it was, it was not good for their baby. Derek felt like someone was watching them, so he quickly turned to meet their gaze...it was Naomi. She was standing by the door, stunned to see him. He nodded slightly and she answered with a nod of her own, but then concern washed over her face as she eyed her distraught friend. Naomi quickly made her way over to them.

"Addison? Honey…"

"What's going on Naomi?" Derek quickly asked with concern.

"We don't know yet. I got her preliminary results and I have a few concerns, I just wanted to double-check…"

"I don't want to lose this baby, I can't…" Addison choked out.

"Shhh…Addie. Please calm down." He beckoned her. He knew that her being upset was not good for her, especially in her condition. "What do we need to do?"

"I wanted to take her to the hospital and check her out there. I've already called and informed their Chief of Staff that we're on our way."

"Then let's get going. I'll take her with me."

Naomi hesitated at first, then saw the look in his eyes and knew that he had no intention of taking no for an answer. She conceded, then turned to walk out of the office.

"I'm going to go and let Dell know that we're on our way to St. Ambrose. Meet me by the elevators?"

Derek nodded as he watched her leave. "Addie?' He said as he unwrapped one of his arms from around her and placed it under her chin, then brought her face up to meet his. "We're going to get you checked out okay? We need to know what we're dealing with, alright?"

Addison sniffled a bit and then nodded. He'd never seen her this devastated. Scratch that, he had, but he'd just chosen not to let it affect him like it was right now. She pulled away from him to grab her things and he suddenly missed the feel of her in his arms. He shook his head. His needs at the moment had to take a back seat to hers and their baby. He reached out to her and guided her out the door with a hand on the small of her back.

XXXXXXXXXX

They quickly arrived at St. Ambrose and as they entered, they were met by Charlotte King. Naomi had somewhat informed her over the phone of the situation. She took in Addison's appearance and tried to lighten the mood.

"Hey Montgomery, heard you needed a favor? Of course you know I was happy to oblige, since it gets you in my OR for the next month or so." She attempted to chuckle but then saw that her attempt of a joke fell on deaf ears. "Right this way." Charlotte instructed as she walked them to an empty exam room. Addison walked in with Derek in tow. Naomi stayed behind with Charlotte.

"Thank you so much for doing this. I'll try to do this as quickly as I can." Naomi offered.

"Don't worry about it. Just make sure she's okay. Take all the time you need...and if you need anything, just give me a holler."

"Thank you Charlotte."

"Don't mention it. Now get a move on, the sooner you do this, the sooner we'll know what to do."

Naomi stared at her with an inquiring eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing I just…"

"I like Montgomery." With that she walked away.

Naomi entered to find Derek standing by the side of the bed as Addison was adjusting her hospital gown.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll feel better once we know what's going on." Addison simply stated.

"Okay, why don't we start with some more blood work, and hopefully by the time we're done with you're ultra vaginal exam, we'll have the results."

"You think you'll have them back that soon?" Derek interrupted.

"Charlotte said anything we need. So I'm sure that putting an extra rush in the lab won't be a problem." Naomi responded.

"That's good. That's really good."

Naomi turned away from him to grab a few test tubes along with a needle, and then set them on the tray next to Addison. Addison turned away, not wanting to see Naomi prick her arm.

"Okay, all done. Addie, you want to lie down for me?"

"Maybe I should wait outside…" Derek quickly stated.

Before he could turn to leave, Addison's arm shot out to stop him. "Could you please stay here with me? I don't want to do this alone."

"Whatever you need Addie." He replied as he laced his hand with hers.

"Let me just get these to the lab and set things up, and I'll come back to start the procedure. Please try and relax. I'll be right back."

"I'm so nervous." She said barely above a whisper.

"It's going to be okay Addie." He reassured her.

"How do you know that?"

"Because we wouldn't be given this miracle only to have it taken away."

"You really think so?"

"I do."

"Thank you Derek."

"For what?"

"For flying out here, for holding my hand and telling me everything's going to be okay. Thank you."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He said sincerely.

She caught his gaze and they stared at each other, both lost in the deep pools of the other's eyes. His thumb was drawing lazy circles on her hand as he held it. The electricity around them was palpable. They couldn't look away. Nothing was being said because nothing needed to be said. Everything was being spoken in silent promises. Promises that might never be realized, but in this very moment, were meant with every fiber of their being. Addison smiled when she felt this warmth enveloping her. It's almost as if their shared love for one another was blanketing around her, protecting her and their baby. Derek watched her with an incredulous look. She'd never looked more beautiful than she did now. The slight slam of the door brought them out of their shared reverie.

"You ready?" Naomi asked as she walked in. She suddenly felt like she was intruding. "I can come back if you need a few moments..."

"No…no…I'm ready."

XXXXXXXXXX

He had been running late and had attempted to call her on her cell phone to no avail. Why he hadn't thought of calling her office, escaped him at the moment. Maybe it was because he was nervous about seeing her. Addison had the ability to make him act like a sixteen year old boy again. She was different to the other women he had dated before. She was gorgeous. Not that the women he went out with previously weren't pretty, it was just the way that Addison carried herself was different. He smiled at the thought of her. He couldn't wait to have her all to himself.

The elevator doors opened and he briskly walked out, a bouquet of an assortment of flowers in his left hand. Kevin walked up to the reception area and nodded at Dell. "Hey Dell, how's it going?"

"Good. Thanks for asking. Are you here looking for Addison?"

"Yeah, I am. Is she in her office?'

"Actually she's not. She and Naomi left to the hospital."

"Patient emergency?"

Dell paused for a moment. He didn't know if he should tell Kevin what the real reason for her hospital visit was or not, but he felt that he should know. "No…she…something was wrong with Addison and Naomi took her."

"What? Is she okay? What happened?"

"I really don't know. Naomi just told me that if anyone asked where they were, that I should inform them that they went to St..." Dell didn't get to finish his sentence, Kevin was already heading towards the elevators.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay Addie, just like we did before. Could you scoot down a bit?"

Addison did as instructed, all the while looking at Derek. She needed a distraction to get out of her own head. She was afraid. Derek could sense the tension that was radiating off of her, so he tried to give her a calming look, even though at that very moment, he himself was terrified.

"You're going to feel some pressure, so just take a deep breath." Naomi said as she inserted the transducer and began to move the probe within the pelvic area. "Okay, let's see..."

It seemed like both Derek and Addison were holding their breath waiting for hope and devastation all at once. Everything that she had feared could be unfolding this very moment, and there was nothing she could do about it. What good did it do them to be two of the best in their respective fields if they couldn't do anything to save the child they conceived together? Addison inhaled sharply as Derek continued to hold on to her like his life depended on it.

"Okay, there's the heartbe...wait a minute..." Naomi continued probing and was taking different scans but then suddenly stopped. "Oh my god..." She half whispered.

Derek and Addison quickly turned to look at her. "What's wrong?" Derek asked panic-stricken, and almost immediately tightened his hand around Addison's protectively.

"Everything's fine, actually...I can't believe I missed this. Of course..."

"Nai, you're freaking me out! What's going on?!"

"Addie look." Naomi said as she pointed to the screen. "What do you see?" She said with wide smile.

"Oh my god." Addison's hand went to cover her mouth. Complete happiness now radiating off of her. "Can it really be?"

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked, completely lost.

"Derek look…just look." Addison said as she pointed at the screen as well. He turned his attention to what both women were in awe of, and then he finally saw it. He couldn't believe it.

"Addie…is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah, it is. How, I don't…"

""You're carrying monozygotic twins and they're monochorionic. I can't believe I missed this! I should've seen this. I'm so sorry Addison. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm…"

"It's okay Nai. I'm just happy that…Oh my god…I'm having twins! How does that happen? I went from probably never conceiving again, to being pregnant with twins. I don't even…"

"Here, why don't you get dressed. I'll print this out, go check on your labs, and I'll be back in a few, okay? I just want to get everything in order so that we can go over this." Naomi explained before she quickly exited the room

Derek had been quiet through this last exchange. When Naomi left, he was brought out his thoughts with the slight slam of the door.

"Derek? Are you okay?"

"We're having twins? We're having twins Addison!"

"I know…I know."

"How was this missed the first time?"

"Monozygotic twins that are monochorionic, share a placenta and are encased in a single chorion, which is the outer membrane of the sac.* Which pretty much means, that they are so close together, that one is shadowed behind the other. Plus, I'm only six weeks in, so that also had to do with it. I'm just so happy nothing's wrong with the baby…babies." She said with a smile.

Derek watched for a few moments, then took a seat across from her. He felt his legs giving out. "I'm in absolute shock…I don't even...I..."

"I hear ya." She chuckled lightly. "I'm gonna to get dressed."

"Do you need me to step out?"

"No. Don't be silly. It's not like you've never seen me before." She waved him off with a slight grin. "Why don't you distract me until Naomi comes back. When did you get in?" Addison asked as she untied her gown.

"Early this morning..." Derek said as he tried to look away but couldn't help but sneak a few glances. "I...ahh...wanted to call you and let you know, but I wanted you to...ahh rest after we spoke." He swallowed as he continued to take in gulps of her beauty, she looked wonderful, motherhood definitely suited her.

"Where are you staying?" She stepped into the dress, then turned her back to him. "Zip please."

He gently tugged on the zipper, taking in the smoothness and sleekness of her back as he inhaled her citrusy smell. 'God she smelled amazing.' That scent could only be described as 'Addison'. He lingered a little longer that he should have, but finally zipped it all the way. "Sorry, it got a little stuck."

"Thank you." She said appreciatively. She took a seat when she felt a little shaky. Derek instantly went to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I just got a little dizzy. I'm fine."

He watched her for a few moments, still not convinced. "Really Derek, I'm fine." Addison said reassuringly.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be so...you know. It's just that now..."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I'm really fine. So you never told me where you were staying?"

"I honestly don't know. I kind of just came straight to your office from the airport. I'll make a few phone calls after we leave."

"Don't be silly Derek, I have more than enough room. You can stay with me."

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

"I'm sure. Besides, we have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, I guess we do. Okay, thank you."

"You're welcome."

Just then, Naomi entered with Addison's file in hand. She was looking at the results pensively. Addison watched her, trying to gage her reaction to the results.

"Nai?" She questioned cautiously.

"Hmmm...hey sorry, I'm just trying to...Addie, everything looks really good." Naomi was finally able to say.

"Really?" She asked with shocked awe. Derek came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders supportively.

"Yes, everything looks normal. Here, why don't you take a seat and we can go over them together." Naomi said as she went to take a seat in front of the exam table. Addison followed with Derek in tow. He reached for her hand, wanting to let her know that he was with her, no matter what. She turned to him and smiled appreciatively. It was strange that even though their marriage had fallen apart, and they had managed to let go after their stolen moments together almost two months ago, that they were somehow brought back together again.

Naomi, who was still enthralled in the results, failed to notice the unspoken words that were transpiring before her. "Okay, well...as you may have noticed, you're carrying monozygotic twins that are monochorionic. This would explain the high levels of HCG. As you heard, they have a healthy heartbeat, they are in the right developing stages, and things look to be progressing as they should. Addie, everything that I told you last night still stands, but now you have to be _extra_ careful. You have to watch your stress levels and eat right. You still run the same risks, but I'll be monitoring you closely."

"Okay. This is good. Everything's good!" Addison squeezed Derek's hand.

"What do you mean, she still runs the same risks?" Derek asked with concern.

"I'll let Addie explain that to you. Addie, I'm going to go and thank Charlotte. Do you want me to take you home?" She waited for a response and noticed the silent exchange between them.

"Ah...no, it's okay. Derek will drive me."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything. And by the way, I do not want to see you at the practice tomorrow."

"But Nai..."

"No buts Addison. You've had a couple of exciting days, you really need to relax. Besides, tomorrow's Friday, you can have a long weekend." Naomi finished matter-of-factly.

"Fine, but I'm not going to like it." Naomi smiled at her friend, then leaned in and embraced her.

"You will. I'm going to take good care of you Addie, whether you like it or not." With that, Naomi saw herself out.

Addison watched her go, then turned to look at Derek. Although he seemed amused by what had transpired in front of him, he still had a hint of worry in his eyes.

"So, you want to tell me what she meant about the risks?"

"I am, I will, I...Can you please take me home? I'm feeling so many different emotions right now, and I'd rather have them in the privacy of my own home."

"Okay. You ready?"

"Yeah, let me just grab my bag, woah..." She said, as she caught herself with one arm on the exam table. Derek quickly went to her side again.

"Addie!! Are you okay? Here sit down. What's going on? Is this normal? Let me go get Naomi..."

"Derek don't. I mean, I'm fine...just a lot of excitement. Plus, I think I just need to eat." She said with a reassuring smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She stood up slowly and began to make her way to the door, but not before he grabbed her and wrapped his arm around her waist protectively. Under normal circumstances, she would have protested, but she still felt a little dizzy and she wanted to indulge him to give him a sense of control. "Thank you."

They walked in unison towards the main lobby. Derek enjoyed the feeling of having Addison and their twins closer to him. It was odd when she had first given him the news. He was in fact stunned! But never did it cross his mind for her not to have the baby, well _babies_ now. Yes, he was making an attempt to move forward with Meredith after his and Addison's last encounter. This was not something that he had planned on, and the thought of being a father scared the hell out of him, but having children with Addie seemed like the most natural thing in the world to him. He watched her, making sure that she was feeling better. He could tell that she still felt a bit uneasy, but the smile in her eyes was still there. Addison was happy. Who was he kidding? She was elated! Suddenly she came to a halt, leaving Derek a little rattled. The color in her face seemed to drain, almost like she was about to pass out. He gripped her tighter, not knowing what was happening. "Addie?" He asked fearfully.

Addison was still. She didn't say a word, she just kept staring ahead. He followed her eye line and finally caught sight of a man staring at them. He was now walking purposely towards them.

"Addison? Are you okay? What's going on?" Kevin asked as he went to her side, choosing to ignore the man that was currently holding her.

"Kevin...I'm fine...I..."

"I was so worried about you. Dell said something was wrong and that Naomi brought you to the hospital. Is everything okay?" He asked with concern. His instinct to protect her kicked in, so he tried to pull her towards him. She stayed firmly put, not due to her, but due to the man that was holding her. He finally turned to meet Derek's intense gaze. "Addison?" Kevin asked in confusion.

_Thoughts meander like a_

_Restless wind inside a letter box_

_They tumble blindly as they make their way_

_Across the universe_

_Jai Guru Deva. Om_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Sounds of laughter, shades of life_

_Are ringing through my opened ears_

_Inciting and inviting me_

_Limitless undying love, which_

_Shines around me like a million suns,_

_It calls me on and on_

_Across the universe_

_Jai Guru Deva. Om_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

*Possible to only see one baby?

MoMo Twins

.com

 Transvaginal Ultrasound

./medlineplus


	5. What If

Author's Note: This was a long time coming. So sorry for the delay. I must say, that after becoming an Addisam fan, I found it difficult to write ADDEK. Thanks to some awesome fic writers, I'm back to realizing why I shipped ADDEK in the first place. So here it is, I hope you all like it and that it was worth the wait. Now that it's all flowing again, I may be able to update a bit more consistently, although don't quote me on that. Life has been getting in the way as well as new ships. :P

Summary: A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

ThanX go out to my excellent Beta Agent Extremis

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

'What If ' by ColdPlay

What if there was no light?

Nothing wrong, nothing right.

What if there was no time?

And no reason or rhyme?

What if you should decide

That you don't want me there by your side.

That you don't want me there in your life.

What if I got it wrong?

And no poem or song..

Could put right what I got wrong,

Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide

That you don't want me there by your side

That you don't want me there in your life.

Oooooh, that's right

Let's take a breath, jump over the side.

Oooooh, that's right

How can you know it if you don't even try?

Oooooh, that's right

Previously on 'Maybe':

Addison was still. She didn't say a word, she just kept staring ahead. He followed her eye line and he caught sight of a man staring at them. The man was now walking purposely towards them.

"Addison? Are you okay? What's going on?" Kevin asked as he went to her side, choosing to ignore the man that was currently holding her.

"Kevin...I'm fine...I..."

"I was so worried about you. Dell said something was wrong and that Naomi brought you to the hospital. Is everything okay?" he asked with concern. His instinct to protect her kicked in, so he tried to pull her towards him. When she stayed firmly put, not due to her doing, but due to the man that was holding her, he finally turned to meet Derek's intense gaze. "Addison?"

'Maybe'—By Agent Addek

Chapter 5: 'What If'

He stared at them momentarily, taking in the way that the man with no name held on to Addison. They seemed so familial. The man held on to her waist tightly, and even somewhat territorially. Her body language spoke volumes as well, she was inviting this. He didn't need her to tell him that this was definitely someone she'd known intimately, but he did want her to tell him why he was here with her? More importantly, why he hadn't let her go?

"Addison?" He said her name as a question. A question he hadn't spoken out loud, but one she already knew.

She broke out from her daze and slowly pried herself away from Derek. She was trying to put a barrier between them before attempting to explain to the current man in her life that things had taken a major turn.

"Kevin, this is...this is Derek. My...my ex husband." She couldn't even bring herself to look at him. They hadn't been dating that long, so the conversation about her previous life hadn't come up yet.

"Oh..." was all he could really bring himself to say. Derek took this opportunity to introduce himself. It was obvious to him that they were involved. He extended his hand out, "Derek...Derek Shepherd."

"Kevin Nelson." An awkward beat passed between them but he broke the moment by turning his attention back to Addison. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

Derek watched Addison. He knew that she was still reeling from what they had just learned. He needed to get her home. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to get her home. You understand."

"I would if I knew what was happening." He replied, taken aback. "Addison, can I talk to you for a minute?" He turned to look between Addison and Derek. "Alone...please..." Derek was about to speak again, but Addison stopped him by laying her hand on his arm. "It'll just take a minute Derek. Can you go grab the car and I'll meet you outside?" He hesitated for a few moments, then obliged. Before he turned to walk outside, he drew his attention to Kevin. "It was a pleasure meeting you Kevin. Please don't keep her long, she needs her rest." Then turned on his heel and walked away.

Kevin was only momentarily stunned but shook it off and then turned his attention to Addison. He could tell she was nervous. There was something brewing behind her eyes...something didn't feel right and he knew he was about to find out. He took in her appearance...she looked beautiful...he would even go as far as saying that she was glowing...but her eyes seemed tired, like she really needed to lay down. He silently grabbed her hand and led her to the very uncomfortable chairs in the lobby.

Addison followed without hesitation. She slowly prepared in her head what she was going to say to this man who had been nothing but kind and wonderful, a breath of fresh air in the smoggy dating pool that was Los Angeles. Kevin took a seat and then prompted her to do the same. They were silent for several moments. "At the risk of sounding like a broken record, what's going on Addison?" She instantly looked down at her hands, she couldn't look him in the eyes right now. Sure, they hadn't been dating for too long, and it's not like she had really cheated on him, but still she felt guilty.

She took a deep breath, then looked up to meet his inquiring gaze. "I really don't know how to say this other than just say it. I went to Seattle almost a month and a half ago, and while I was there, something happened." Kevin shifted uncomfortably. "We had just started dating, we weren't serious yet. It was after I came back that we decided to give this, us, a real go. When I was there...I...I slept with my ex-husband." she quickly blurted.

It took him a few seconds to digest what she had just said, "Oooh...kay. So you slept with him..." he motioned towards the double door. She nodded.

"That's not all of it. I'm pregnant." At his deep breath intake, she quickly dispelled any notion of him being the father. "It's Derek's." she finished.

He was shocked to say the least. His girlfriend of two weeks was pregnant, and not with his child, but with her ex-husband's who happened to be right outside those hospital doors waiting for her...waiting to take her back to her home. "Is that why he's here?...how long have you..."

"I just found out last night. I called him and he flew out here this morning. We had quite a scare at the office, he and Naomi brought me here for further testing."

Even though he really didn't know how to feel about the situation, his concern for her won him over. He instantly reached out to touch her arm soothingly. "Are you okay? Is everything..." he motion to her flat abdomen, "...okay?"

She grinned appreciatively at his worry over her, "I'm fine, the babies are fine. I just need..."

"Wait...babies? As in two?"

Addison couldn't help but chuckle at his surprise, "Yeah, I'm having twins. After everything...god...I...look at me, already getting so emotional...I'm so sorry Kevin. This wasn't planned at all, but I can't say that I'm not happy about it. Things have changed now. My complete attention and energy need to be focused on them." she said as she gently place her hand over her stomach. "I need to focus on my health. I hope you understand."

He was hearing her, but he really wasn't listening so he was caught off guard when she said, 'I hope you understand'. Was she saying what he thought she saying? Are they over before they really got a chance to start? "Wait...what are you saying?"

"It was great while it lasted, but I honestly don't think you want to be involved with a woman who is currently carrying her ex-husband's twins. It wouldn't be fair for me to assume that you'd want to stick around. Look, I'm really really sorry to spring this on you so abruptly, but I needed to tell you. I couldn't string you along." She began to get up, "I'm sorry but I've been a while and...Derek is waiting...I'm really tired. I just wanna go home and rest. I'm really...really sorry Kevin." With that she walked away.

It had all happened so quickly. He didn't really have time to process. When he looked up, she was already exiting the doors. Everything in him was screaming to stop her, but why? What would he say to her? He didn't bother to think on it, the pull towards her was too much. He swiftly stood up and ran to the open double doors, but he was too late...she was gone.

Kevin stood by the entrance for what seemed like an eternity. Why did he feel this tremendous loss? He had a feeling that he would be missing out on something that could have changed his life. It was odd, how taken he was by her. They hadn't known each other that long, but yet here he was feeling an ache in his heart. He was suddenly struck by this need to go see her. Yes, she had just said her goodbyes and apologies, but he didn't have a say. He should have some sort of a say. He turned towards the parking garage and walked with purpose. He was like a man possessed, with only one mission in mind, getting to Addison.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She hadn't spoken since she'd gotten into the car. He struggled with letting her be, but frankly, he wanted to know what had happened. Besides, he had no idea where she lived.

"Addie...are you okay?" He questioned hesitantly.

"I'm fine." She mumbled.

He decided to push her a little more, "You don't seem fine. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about Derek. I broke it off. Simple as that."

A smile almost crept up on him, but he quickly stopped it. He felt relieved and almost happy at her ending whatever it was with Kevin, when he shouldn't be. He glanced over at her, "I know you don't want to talk, but I kinda need to know where I'm going."

She smiled slightly. "Sorry, just keep going down PCH and veer off to the left on Escondido Road...Thanks."

"For what?" He asked perplexed.

"For not pushing me to tell you, for being here and driving me home."

"Addie you know..."

"I know, but thank you anyway." She turned forward and continued to stare at the road ahead of them. Derek took that as it was intended.

"You're welcome." He said.

They drove the rest of the way in comfortable silence. He quickly found her street and smiled when he noticed she had beachfront property. He wouldn't expect anything less for his Addie. Derek turned to look at her. He noticed the mixture of emotions crossing her face. He instinctively reached out to touch her arm soothingly, rousing her from her quiet reverie.

"Sorry...I think we're here?" He questioned as he nodded towards the house.

"It's okay...yeah this is it. Go ahead and park in the driveway...looks like Nai beat us here."

"Huh?"

"She's parked at Sam's. We're neighbors, he's right here on the left." She pointed.

"You live next door to Sam?" He asked, a bit taken aback.

"Yeah." She noticed the odd look that colored Derek's face."I like living next to him. It makes me feel a little safer." She finished genuinely.

Derek nodded, but couldn't quell the tinge of jealousy that was passing through him. Regardless of what others thought of Sam's protectiveness towards Addison, he'd always known that Sam had had a thing for her. Sam never mentioned anything, but he had noticed the longing looks that he'd give Addison when he thought no one had been watching. Then the longing looks became less frequent after their respective engagements, and then their marriages. Although come to think of it, he noticed a slight change after Sam decided to quit the residency program. It's almost like there was something that Addison and Sam knew and weren't sharing. And now...now they were divorced and living next to each other. His jaw clenched a bit.

"You gonna stand there all night?...or are you gonna cook me dinner?" Addison teased.

Her voice cut through his whirling thoughts. Her smile eased the uneasiness that was starting to build. "Yeah...let me just grab my stuff." Addison continued inside while Derek gathered his bags. He gave one last look towards Sam's house, then turned and hurried after her.

As he entered, he couldn't help but smile at the familiarity. It was definitely Addison's home, you could see her touch everywhere. He paused by the doorway and took in his surroundings. Something in his chest ached, a feeling of wanting to belong to her world once again was coming over him. Regret filled his heart...all these emotions caught him off guard. He tried to shake himself out of it and continued inside.

"Let me show you upstairs first so you can put your stuff down, then I'll give you the grand tour." She winked and grinned then turned to head up.

Derek was instantly at her side, trying to steady her with his hand. "Hey, take it easy, here let me..."

"Derek, I'm fine! I'm pregnant not helpless."

"Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "You just really scared me back at the hospital. I wanna make sure.."

"I'm okay Derek. I'm not gonna break. Plenty of women have delicate pregnancies and they turn out just fine. Besides they've...," she pointed towards her stomach, "...got Nai and I looking after them." She smiled.

He was pensive for a moment, then smiled back. "Okay, I'll try not to over crowd you, but I can't promise that I won't do it again." She chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"Sure, fine, whatever." Addison turned to her right to open the door to the guest bedroom. "This is your room." She lead the way. "You can set your stuff in the drawer here. The closet has a few of my winter coats, but other than that, you can hang whatever you want in there." Derek set his bags down and continued to follow her. "You have a small balcony with a view of the ocean, and the bathroom is out here to the right, down the hall. My room's the last one to the right..."

"Am I gonna get a tour of your room?" He said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

She swatted his arm, "You shit. Nope. It's mine, no boys allowed."

"Addie, why so violent?" He attempted to pout. He caught her eyes, then they both burst into laughter.

"Okay, I'm gonna go change into something comfortable. Why don't you get settled in, then we'll regroup downstairs?"

"It won't take me long, I'll go downstairs and see what I can whip up. What do you feel like having for..."

"Der, don't be silly. We've both had a long day, let's just order take out."

"Addison, you heard what Naomi said, you have to eat well. The stuff we can get delivered isn't gonna be that."

"You're in LA now buddy, we can get anything delivered." She winked at him, then turned on her feet and began her descent downstairs. Derek quickly followed.

Addison headed towards the kitchen, pulled out a menu and handed it to him. "See if you can find anything you like, since I know you're partial to fishing your own trout." She smiled coyly.

"Ha ha funny. Wow you're on a roll tonight, aren't ya?" He began to flip through the Urth Caffe menu. "What are you having?"

"I know that menu like nobody's business. I know what I want." She winked playfully.

"Well then, I guess you told me." Derek grinned back. "Okay, let me look through this. Tell me what you want, you go change and I'll order. Deal?"

"Deal! Okay,let's see...hmmm...okay...order me the white albacore tuna sandwich** with the heirloom tomato and burrata salad, New York cheesecake and a large grapefruit juice."

"Are you sure you're gonna be able to finish that Addie?"

"Silly, I'm eating for three now, of course I'll finish it." She smiled and then turned to walk upstairs.

"Of course." He gave her a lopsided smile and watched her from behind, letting it all wash over him again. They were having twins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He had arrived several minutes ago, but he couldn't bring himself to exit the car. What was he going to tell her? Did he really have anything of substance to say? She was carrying another man's child...children really, but not just any MAN, her ex husband's children! Someone who she had a history with, who she had just fallen into bed not too long ago, and now she would share one of the greatest bonds with, the tie that binds. Who was he in her life? How could he compete? They hadn't even known each other long, so why this pull to fight for her? Why the urge to tell her, "Let's see where this goes?" It seemed insane, and perhaps it was, but it hadn't stopped him from driving to her house and sitting in his car across the street. Kevin took a deep breath and finally opened the door, it was now or never.

He briskly walked up the drive way and up to her door. He tried to shake off the nerves that were beginning to take a hold of him, and knocked.

"Kevin?" Addison questioned, confused. She hadn't expected to see him after the conversation they had at the hospital.

"Addison...I'm sorry to come over here without calling, I just really needed to..."

"Addison?" Derek called out, as he came up behind her. "Damn they're good, I haven't even called...What are you doing here?" He instinctively stepped in front of Addison.

"Derek, it's fine."

"Kevin?" She asked again.

"I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm doing here. All I know is that I needed to talk to you."

"It's okay...I didn't give you much time to process all of this. I'm sorry...Derek would mind giving us some time?"

Derek was caught off guard. He wasn't expecting her to invite him in. "Yeah...I'll be upstairs ordering if you need me." He hesitantly made his way upstairs. He glanced over his shoulder, then continued.

"Come in."

"Thanks. I'm sorry for just coming over here."

"Kevin it's fine! Please sit." She motioned to her couch. He started to sit, but suddenly darted up.

"I can't sit! Addison, I came over here tonight because I want...I want you to change your mind." She stared at him, confusion colored her face.

"Kevin, I...I..."

"Please don't say anything, just let me get this out." He begged. She nodded, he continued. "Look, I know what I'm about to say may sound insane, so I'm just gonna say it...I wanna give this a try."

"Give what a try?" She asked, not really understanding what he was trying to say.

"Us...this." He said pointing towards her stomach.

"Kevin..."

"Please, you said you'd hear me out." She knew she should put a stop to it, but he just wanted to be heard, so despite her better judgment, she let him continue.

"What if we could actually do this? You and me. Look, I know we've only been seeing each other a month or so, and maybe a few weeks exclusively, but I think we can do this. I want to do this...Do you remember the day we first met?" Addison nodded. "I knew then, right at that moment, that I needed to know you. That if I didn't ask you out, I'd be missing out on something great. What if we're missing out on something here if we don't give this a try? What if everything that's happened was meant to happen to lead us to this very moment?" He was quiet for a moment, letting her take it all in. Neither of them aware that Derek was standing at the top of the stairs, holding his breath.

"Kevin, that all sounds wonderful and full of unexpected promise...but I'm sorry, I can't rely on something like that now. Had it just been me to think about, then yes, I may have taken that "What if" adventure with you, but it's not just me anymore. I'm so sorry...I can't...I won't."

"Addison..." She put up her hand to stop him.

"Please Kevin, just let this go. I can't do this...for so many reasons. Just know that I am sorry and I wish you the very best. I know you'll find someone who deserves you." She stood up and gently kissed his cheek. "Goodbye Kevin."

He nodded in understanding. "Goodbye Addison. If you ever need anything...anything at all...please call me."

"Will do. Thank you. Here, I'll walk you out." She guided him to the front door. As he walked at a steady pace to his car, he turned to look at her once more, a sad smile colored his face. Addison stood by her door for several moments, then closed it and leaned her head against it. "He's gone. You can come downstairs now." She said without even looking behind her.

"How did you know that..."

"I felt you." Was all she said, before she turned and walked over to take a seat on the couch once more. "Wow, I must say I did not expect that one...at all."

Derek followed and sat next to her. "He must really have grown to care about you in the short time he's known you. I can't say I blame him. You're an amazing person Addison." He said matter of fact.

"I sure don't feel like one."

"You can't feel bad about this. It had to be done."

"Did it? Would it have been so hard to just give it a shot?"

"Addison, you barely even knew the guy. It was for the best."

"The best? The best for who? Certainly not for me. I'm going to be in this alone Derek. I'm going to be a single mother to not one, but two babies, and he wanted to give it a try. What would have been the harm in that? What if it could have worked? What if I didn't need to be in this alone?"

"You're not alone in this. I'm here. No matter what happens, I will be here."

"How do I know that? How do I know that you won't change your mind? That you won't resent me for getting pregnant when we were both moving on?" She was looking at him with such fear and sincerity, the naked look in her eyes piercing his very soul. How could he tell her that even though he had been ready to move on, he was still thinking of her. Thinking of that night that they made love before watching her get on that plane to leave him once more. That yesterday evening when she called him, Meredith and him were making plans for the future, a future, that when he closed his eyes, still involved a certain red head with striking blue eyes. He knew that he was only thinking with his heart at the moment, and in the morning, things might look differently and he'd deal with it then. Kevin was right about a few things, what if everything that happened was leading up to this very moment? What if he could be missing out on something great? What if this was their chance to come together once more? He had to tell her, he had to tell her what he failed to tell her the day she left him at that airport.

"Because I'm still in love with you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Every step that you take

Could be your biggest mistake

It could bend or it could break

But that's the risk that you take

What if you should decide

That you don't want me there in your life.

That you don't want me there by your side.

Oooooh, that's right

Let's take a breath jump over the side.

Oooooh, that's right

How can you know it when you don't even try?

Oooooh, that's right

Oooooh, that's right

Let's take a breath jump over the side

Oooooh, that's right

You know that darkness always turns into light

Oooooh, that's right..

Please REVIEW, it definitely encourages me to write. :)

**Albacore Tuna- Tuna mercury levels can be different based on the type of tuna and where it was caught. Here's a link to a chart with guidelines to how much tuna can be eaten by children, pregnant women or women wanting to conceive, based on their weight. .

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	6. The Scientist

**Summary: **A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my excellent Beta **AE**

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

_**The Scientist**_

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you_

_Tell you I need you_

_Tell you I've set you apart_

_Tell me your secrets_

_And ask me your questions_

_Oh, let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles_

_Coming up tails_

_Heads on the science apart_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh take me back to the start_

_**Previously on Maybe: **_

"_You're not alone on this. I'm here. No matter what happens, I will be here."_

"_How do I know that? How do I know that you won't change your mind? That you won't resent me for getting pregnant when we were both moving on?" She was looking at him with such fear and sincerity, the naked look in her eyes piercing his very soul. How could he tell her that even though he was so ready to move on, he was still thinking of her. Thinking of that night that they made love before watching her get on that plane to leave him once more. That yesterday evening when she called him, Meredith and him were making plans for the future, a future that when he closed his eyes still involved a certain red head with striking blue eyes. He knew that he was only thinking with his heart at the moment and in the morning things might look differently and he'd deal with it then. But Kevin was right about a few things, what if everything that happened was leading up to this very moment? What if he could be missing out on something great? What if this was there chance to come together once more? He had to tell her, he had to tell her what he felled to tell her the day she left him at that airport._

"_Because I'm still in love with you."_

'**Maybe'-By Agent Addek**

_Chapter 6: 'The Scientist'_

"I'm sorry...what did you say?"

"I'm still in love with you."

Her nerve endings began to tingle, blood rushing to her heart. He was saying that he was still in love with her. After everything that they had been through, he still loved her, just like she loved him. She was almost bursting from the happiness and excitement and then...then she remembered. She remembered that they were supposed to move on...that he already had, and so had she...when they had fallen into bed and made love.

"Don't."

"Addison?"

"Derek, please...just don't. We have both moved on with our lives. You're only saying this because I'm pregnant. Had I not called you last night to tell you that, you wouldn't be here now making this declaration. So don't."

"Addison..." She put up her hand to stop him. "No, just listen to me will you?" She didn't say anything to the contrary so he continued. "Yes, you're right, I was ready to move on. Last night, I was ready to take that next step with Meredith." At the mention of the woman who was ultimately one of the reasons that their marriage fell apart, Addison couldn't help but flinch. It didn't go unnoticed by Derek. "Look, I know the pain that I caused you when I...when I did what I did with her...and for that I am terribly sorry. All I'm saying, is that the moment you called me, those plans with her didn't matter anymore."

"See, this is exactly why we just shouldn't go there Derek. Let's just forget you ever said it, okay?"

He was about to fight her on it when the door bell rang. The food had obviously arrived. "Will you get the door please?" She asked as she leaned backwards to rest her head. Derek instantly reached out to her. "Are you okay?" His voice laced with concern.

"Yeah...I...dizzy."

"Let me get you some water." He rushed over to the kitchen and grabbed her glass of water. The door bell rung again. "Coming!" He yelled out. He rushed back to her, "Jesus!" tripping on the carpet but catching himself before slipping. "Here, drink this. Let me go get the door and I'll be right back."

She nodded and took a sip.

He quickly grabbed the food, paid the delivery guy and was instantly at her side again.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking getting you all worked up like that. How are you feeling? Do you need me to call Nai?"

Addison shook her head, "No! It's okay. I'm feeling better. I think all this excitement today has taken a toll on me. I just need to eat and then head off to bed to get some rest. I'll be good as new tomorrow. Besides, I can sleep in, Nai insisted that I not come to work until Monday." She attempted to smile.

"Addie are you sure?" He pressed again.

"I'm fine Derek. Now let's eat."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The ringing of his phone startled him out of his sleep. Well, his attempt of sleeping anyways. He had been tossing and turning since they had both gone to bed. Even though she was only a few doors away from him, he was afraid that if something happened to her, he wouldn't get to her in time. He had insisted on sleeping in her room, even if he had to sleep on her floor to stand vigil, but she would have none of it. The phone continued to ring and at the risk of having it wake Addison up, he answered without bothering to look at who was calling.

"Hello?" His voice raspy from the lack of sleep.

"Derek?" The familiar voice came from the other line.

Shit! It was Meredith. Why had he answered?

"Hey." Was all he could think of to say at the moment.

"Hey? That's all you have to say?...Where are you? I've been calling you since last night. I've been so worried! I went to the hospital and I was told you hadn't been there. I even asked Rose and she said she hadn't seen you. Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Mer, I'm fine...Something came up and I had to leave. I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone or call you, things have been a little crazy. Can we just talk when I get back?"

"Back? Back from where?"

He realized his mistake the moment he had said it. There was no point in keeping his current location a secret. "I'm in Los Angeles...with Addison."

He could hear her uncomfortable intake of breath. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fore fingers. "You're with Addison?" She finally asked. Insecurity, jealousy, and apprehensiveness dripping from her voice.

"Yes." Was his only answer.

"But why are..."

"Can we just talk when I get back?"

She was losing her patience. "When will that be Derek? I didn't even know you had left until now. So how long are you planning on being there? I had no idea that you were at the beck and call of your ex-wife!" She emphasized the ex-wife.

"Mer, let's not do this now. It's late. Let's just talk when I get back."

She took a deep breath. She wanted to know what the hell was going on but she stopped herself. The last thing she wanted to do was push him away after just getting him back. "I'm sorry. I was so worried. I thought that maybe you had changed your mind about...about us. I'm finally ready Derek. I'm ready for us, for all of it. You still want this right?" She asked hesitantly, afraid the answer had changed.

He stayed quiet for what seemed like an eternity. "Yes, I still want us. Goodnight Meredith."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Goodnight Derek"

He felt like he was somehow betraying Addison by telling Meredith what she wanted to hear, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her otherwise. He had caused both women so much pain. One, the love of his life, who was now carrying his children...the other had been a breath of fresh air, and had seemingly glued him back together after what had happened in New York. There was no need in hurting Meredith again if there was no hope for him and Addison, was there?...god what the hell was he thinking? This was exactly why Addison couldn't believe him! Only a few hours ago she had essentially slapped his declaration of love away, and now he was trying to keep Meredith on the hook. He shook his head. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was going to be there for Addison through this pregnancy, everything else could wait. He needed to sleep. Things would be clearer in the light of day. He closed his eyes and a few moments later drifted off into sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sunlight peaked through her curtain and roused her out of her peaceful sleep. She instinctively reached down to touch her stomach. She smiled...in a few months it would no longer be a flat surface. It was so ridiculous how ready she was to be a mom. She'd longed for this moment since Derek and her had been dating, but medical school, residency and their respective practices had taken priority. They had been trying to build a life, the children would come once they had reached a certain point in their careers and life. Then it all fell apart, but somehow, the pieces were slowly starting to come together once more. When Derek made his sudden declaration last night...even though it was something that she'd wanted to hear for so long, she couldn't trust it. Although she should have let him finish, because she was aware that he had more to say, she hadn't give him time to do so. They would have to talk today. So many decisions and plans had to be made. Even though she knew it wouldn't all be straightened out right away...well, she was realistic and she knew Rome wasn't built in one day, she felt that somehow, it would all work out. It had to. Her thought process was derailed by the sudden delicious assault on her nose. Addison inhaled deeply, knowing exactly what that delectable smell was. Derek was cooking her favorites. She swung her legs over the side of her bed, quickly grabbed her robe and slippers and made her trek downstairs.

"Good morning!" He said with an overly enthusiastic smile. She hadn't seen him this happy in a very long time. This pregnancy was definitely suiting both of them. "Did you sleep well?" He asked as he walked way over to her and gave her a light peck on the cheek, then handed her a glass of orange juice. "It's fresh squeezed." He winked and then went back to the stove to check on his eggs.

"Fresh squeezed? I don't remember having oranges."

"No you didn't. I went out earlier to grab some stuff for your breakfast."

"Thank you. This is really nice of you...Derek, about what you said last..."

"Let's not talk about that right now. I want you to eat breakfast, then we're taking a short light walk on the beach and then we have to come back and get ready because I have a relaxing day planned out for you."

"But we have to..."

"We will. I promise. I just want you to decompress...and then this evening, we can talk all you want. Okay?"

"Okay. Everything looks and smells good." She said as she reached out to swipe a piece of the fluffy pancakes on the counter. "Wow, no slapping away my hand from the food before it's ready. This is something new and totally note worthy." She said with a sly grin.

"You're the mother of my unborn children, you can do whatever you want." He said with a goofy grin of his own.

"You better be careful what you say buddy, I might take you totally seriously and have my way with you." She winked at him playfully. They both stared at each other and then chuckled. Things just felt so light now that they knew that as long as she was careful, and did everything by the book, they would soon have two wonderful healthy babies.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Addie, you almost ready? We don't want to be late."

"I'm coming. Why don't you just tell me where we're going already." She said loudly from her bedroom so he could hear her.

"Because then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? The sooner you get down here, the sooner you'll find out what it is. I told you, just wear something casual, you don't even really need to get dressed."

"Oh please, like I'd ever not get dressed to go out." She said as she descended the stairs.

"Yeah, who am I kidding." He paused and took in her appearance. She looked beautiful and effortless. "Really, all that time and you still look the same." He jokingly teased. He tried very hard to conceal his chuckle. She reached out to swat his arm. "Hey!"

"I'm joking. You look great. Come on Addie, it doesn't matter what you do, you always look amazing." He smiled genuinely this time. They shared a small moment but she quickly broke it, not wanting to indulge in something that couldn't be. He noticed but decided not to pursue it for the time being. They locked up the house, then he guided her with a hand on the small of her back over to his car.

"So, are you gonna tell me where we're going yet?"

"Nope. You'll know when we get there."

"Fine."

"You'll like it. I swear."

"I better." She arched her eyebrow facetiously.

"So are you feeling better? I mean, from last night. The dizziness?"

"Yeah I am. I think I just needed sustenance and sleep. I'm all good...I know I said it before, but breakfast was great and the walk afterward was exactly what I needed."

"Well I know how water, well, when it isn't rain..." He smiled affectionately at her. "...has a calming affect on you. It was nice."

"Yeah, it definitely was."

"Okay, I think this is the place."

She looked around, and even though there was many shops surrounding it, she knew her surprise was Burke Williams. "Derek."

"You like it?"

"Of course. I love this place. How did you..."

"Naomi."

"Of course."

"Okay, so this is the deal. I'm gonna walk in there with you. I'll give my credit card to whoever is at the front desk and you will go and enjoy yourself, but most of all, just relax. Okay?"

"What about you? Aren't you joining me?"

"Nope, this is all about you. Besides, I've got so much more planning to do for the rest of your day."

"Derek, you don't have to go through all this trouble..."

"Addie, it's no trouble at all. I want to do this for you. Let me do this for you."

"Okay. Thank you...Can we go in now?" She asked with an excited glint in her eye.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He had been running around since he'd dropped her off an hour ago, he knew he only had a few hours left before she'd get home. He had asked Naomi to pick her up after she was done at the spa and take her to a nice lunch and some shopping, all on him. Naomi instantly obliged, but not before asking what he was up to. He simply told her it was a surprise for Addison. He knew that what he was trying to do was a huge undertaking, and it wouldn't be easy, but he wanted to do this for her. He only needed to pick up the rest of the things at Weego and he'd be set.

He got out of the car and quickly ran into the store. He had called ahead to make sure they had what he needed.

"Hi, I'm Derek Shepherd. I called a little while ago, you're holding some things for me."

"One sec, let me see...ah yes. Let me have them bring the boxes out back. Do you have a truck?"

"Yes I do. It's Silver SUV with rental plates on it. Can I pay here and then drive around?"

"Yup, just give me one sec so I can grab the bar codes."

The sales associate began to ring him up. He paid, thanked her and ran out back to his truck. They loaded him up and he was back on his way to Addison's. He drove through the traffic without any real problems and promptly arrived back at her house.

Sam was already there waiting for him. "Derek, my man." Sam went in for a handshake and hug.

"It's been ages."

"Sam, it's really damn good to see you, and I'm not just saying that because I dragged you and Naomi out of work today to help me out."

"Nah, it's all good, we're happy to help. You know I'd...we'd do anything for Addison. Besides, we had a pretty light day at the office today. Friday's are usually a bit slower for us. So how can I help?"

"Let's just start unloading things and take them upstairs. Then we'll see where we go from there."

"Sounds like a plan...and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're stepping up...I mean I never doubted you would, but I know that things didn't end too well after...well you know. I'm just glad she's not in this alone."

"She won't be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Nai? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the office?"

"Well good to see you too."

Addison laughed. "No I didn't mean...I didn't expect to see you here that's all."

"Well, if you must know, your hus...Derek asked me to come pick you up."

"Oh did he? And why couldn't he come and pick me up himself?"

"I don't know. All I was told was that I should take you and myself out to lunch, then a little shopping, and not to be back for a few hours because he had some sort of thing planned for you."

"What is he up to now?"

"I don't know, but the man sounded like he was on a mission."

"Well I'm not going to turn down food and shopping, so let's get going." She smiled. "Let me check out and grab his card."

"Okay hon, I'll be waiting in the car." Naomi said as she walked out. Addison followed a few moments later.

"So where are we going?"

"It's your call. I'm here to drive you and accompany your butt for the day."

"Hmmm...how about Ivy at the Shore?"

"Sounds good to me. Do you think we should call ahead, see if we can get a table?"

"Nah, Ramona should be working today, she'll get us in."

"Okay, let's buckle up and get a move on." They drove for a few moments in silence and then Addison grew impatient. "Just ask already."

"What?"

"Oh don't play coy, it doesn't suit you."

"Fine. So what's going on between you two?"

"Nothing. He came here so that we could discuss how all of this is going to work."

"Oh come on, it's not nothing. The way that man has been looking at you since he arrived here...you can't deny that."

"This is absurd, he isn't looking at me in any way, Nai."

"Denial is not a pretty color on you Addison."

"I'm not in denial Naomi. He's only here temporarily. He'll eventually have to go back to Seattle...to get back to his life, get back to...Meredith."

"And you're okay with that?"

"It doesn't matter what I'm okay with. It's his life. He's moved on, and so had I, this should change nothing."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

Addison couldn't answer, so she said nothing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think that's it!" He said excitedly. "Sam, you're a good man for helping me out."

"Hey, don't mention it. I told you..."

"Yeah I know, you'd do anything for Addison." They both grew quiet, Derek finally broke the awkward silence. "Sam, can I ask you something?"

Sam had a suspicion that he knew exactly what he was going to ask him.

"Yeah."

"Are you in love with her?"

"I don't know, but I care deeply about her. I don't want her to get hurt."

"She won't."

"But she did. You put her through hell. Had I known..."

"Had you known what?" Derek tensed up. Sam felt the change in the room and stood up to his full height.

"It was a long time ago. Things worked out the way they were supposed to...I guess."

"You know, I never bought that whole 'overprotective brother thing' that you had towards her, like everyone else."

"You're a smart man."

"So what happened? You met her way before I did."

"Are you asking me why I never made my move on your ex-wife?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." Derek said, shocked that he was asking the question.

"Well...I did, but she wouldn't have me...because she knew Naomi wanted me. So she said no."

"Do you think she felt something for you?" He really didn't want to know the answer, but he had to ask.

"Honestly, I don't know."

"If your ex-wife wasn't her best friend, would you be pursing her?"

Sam thoughtfully contemplated his answer, how honest did he want to be with Derek? What was really the point in hiding it? Addison and he were divorced. Sure, they were getting ready to become parents, but that didn't change the fact that they were no longer together. And yes, he was currently testing out the waters with Naomi again, but he knew that it was only a matter of time before it combusted again. He and Naomi were just different people now. They still loved each other, but were no longer in love.

"I'd pursue her either way." He simply stated.

Derek instinctively tightened his hands on either side of him, jealousy zapped through him like a bolt of lightening. He felt like it was his duty to protect his territory like a ferocious lion who was being challenged by lion from a different tribe. "But you're not going to." Derek stated it not as a question, but as a given.

Sam gave him an incredulous smirk. "I'm going home. I'm glad I could help." Then he turned to leave.

"Sam?" Derek yelled after him.

Sam stopped at the door way. "I think Addison has more important things to worry about at the moment...besides, I'm still sorting things out with Naomi." He turned to leave again, then paused. "But I will say, that Addison knows, that no matter what, I'm always next door." and with that he left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think we've done plenty of damage to Derek's card."

"But everything is so cute, how could you not?" Nai replied, still looking at the cute baby outfits.

"I told you Fred Segal was the bane of my existence."

"Oh don't exaggerate, it's not so bad."

"Nai, we've been shopping for 3 hours, I think I'm ready to go home."

"Fine, but just 'cause you're carrying my little nieces or nephews in there." She said pointing at Addison's stomach. They looked at each other and chuckled. "Come on, let me buy you a smoothie and then I'll take your boney butt home."

"Haha funny Nai. It won't be boney in a couple of months."

"Oh that's true, we're finally gonna get some meat on your bones girl." She teased.

"Oh shut it."

"So you wanna get those smoothies here at the Comfort Cafe?...or you wanna go to Amazon Hut?"

"Let's just get them here, then we can go straight home."

"Sounds good to me. That way, we can go through every thing you bought for the kiddies today."

"I know! I can't wait!"

"Okay, let me go grab them. Do you wanna head out to the car with the bags?"

"Yeah!" Naomi reached into her bag to grab the keys, then handed them to Addison.

" 'Kay, I'll see you out there in a bit."

Addison made her way out to the car and packed the bags in the already filled trunk. She couldn't help but smile, it was still so surreal. Her phone rang so she reached into her purse to grab it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, how's everything going?"

"Good. We're just about done here and heading back home in a bit."

"Oh, okay...uhmm..."

"What's going on?"

"No, it's nothing. Can you give me about half an hour more, before you come back?"

"What for?"

"Just trust me, you'll love it."

"Okay, well Nai went to go grab us some smoothies. I'll go find her and we'll hang out here for a bit."

"That would be great! Okay, just leave there in about 30 minutes and that should give me plenty of time. See you soon."

"See you soon." She smiled and hung up. She shook her head, what in the world was he up to?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Who's SUV is that? Did Derek invite someone over?"

Naomi shrugged as she pulled into the driveway behind the truck. "I'll just help bring your bags in, then I...I have to go do something." She stepped out of the car and went to unlock the trunk.

"Do something? Really? Nai, I thought you said we were going to look at all the cute matching outfits we got for the twins?" Addison followed around to the trunk as well.

Derek stepped out of the house. "Hey, you're back. Here, let me help you with those." He reached for the bags that Addison was pulling out.

"Thanks. I'll get the rest of them."

"No, it's okay, I've got them Addie." Derek said over his shoulder. Addison arched her eyebrow quizzically at Naomi as he came over and grabbed the rest of the bags, then focused his attention back to Addison.

"Give me a couple of minutes and I'll come back to get you."

"Derek, what is..."

"Addie, stop being so impatient and let the man surprise you." Naomi exclaimed as she moved to stand next to her.

"Wait...were you in on this?"

"Wow, you just caught that didn't you?" She mocked teasingly.

"I'm sorry! I was relaxed into stupidity at the spa and then you bribed me with baby stuff. I clearly was never going to have the advantage in this scenario."

"Oh shush, he's been going crazy all day setting up whatever it is that he's doing. He called Sam and I to help out. So just go with it."

"So, you ready?" Derek asked as he approached her.

Addison nodded, then looked back at Naomi and smiled. Naomi waved at her friend and then made herself scarce by going to Sam's house.

"Derek, what's this all about?"

"Here, put this on." He said as he handed her a sleeping mask. She had to admit that she was really amused by all of this, so she obliged. "Now I'm going to put my arms around you, so don't get startled. Then, we're going up the stairs. So hang on to me tightly, okay?"

"Okay. Derek, I feel silly."

"Don't, we're almost there. Just a few more steps. Okay, now stand right here." He reached out to open the bedroom door. "Okay, you can take the mask off. So, what do you think?"

To say that she was surprised was an understatement. As she took in the room, a different array of emotions overtook her. It was all so perfect. Knowing of all of the thought that went into this floored her. She couldn't help it, the tears that had been threatening to spill, streamed down her face. "Oh my god, Derek! This is...this is...oh my god! It's beautiful!"

"You like it?"

"I love it! How did you do all of this?"

"Well, I had some help, and I started working on it the moment I woke up today. I'm so happy you love it Addie."

"How can I not? You practically got everything we'll need. It's gorgeous!"

"Let's go inside so you can see all the pieces." He said full of pride and self accomplishment.

As soon as she entered the room, she instantly went towards the cribs. She loved the dark chocolate mocha wood finish. She slid her hand over the fixed rail and then noticed the trundle drawer underneath, they were absolutely classic. "I got the toddler bed conversion for those two, just in case. I figured, if you wanted different beds for them, we'd just get them then." She smiled appreciatively, knowing exactly what he meant. Addison playfully put her hand through bamboo jungle mobile. She could definitely see a baby jungle theme, just not in the typical jungle colors. She made a mental note and continued her tour of the room. She noticed that he had also purchased the matching bassinets and changing table, and a dresser in the two tone dark wood. It was modern, yet functional, something she would have picked out herself. The RockABye Lullabye collection sat on top of it, with Radiohead lullaby renditions leading the pack. She chuckled and turned towards him. "I figured you'd want them to know good music." He smiled and shrugged sheepishly.

"It's perfect!"

"I'm really glad you like it. I wasn't sure if you wanted to buy them together...or on your own. I just thought, since I won't be...here as often, that this would be my gift to you. Sort of like me laying down the foundation of the room and you coloring their world...like you colored mine." He finished sincerely.

Addison's breath caught in her throat, tears began to pool in her eyes once more. She had to take a seat...this was so overwhelming. She looked around, she didn't have to say anything, he instantly knew what she needed. He came over and guided her to the corner of the room, near the balcony. "Here, I think you missed this." Addison obliged and took a seat on the rocker. To her left, she noticed the matching foot stool and smiled happily once more. He had literally thought of every big piece that they would need.

"Derek, this is so lovely. I seriously don't even know where to begin to thank you for this thoughtful gesture."

"You don't have to. I just did what any excited expectant father would do...I also got us some books. I wasn't sure which were the best, so I got several different ones." He grabbed the foot stool and sat in front of her. He got pensive and reached out to take her hand. They interlocked their fingers and then he turned to look up at her. He paused for a few moments, then spoke. "Addie, look I know we've been holding off on having this conversation, mainly because I wanted you to have this day to just enjoy..." She nodded in understanding. "I've been thinking a lot all day, about how we're going to do this. Regardless of what we work out, I'm in this 100%, I really want you to know and understand that. You won't be in this alone."

"I know." She said just above a whisper.

"Last night, I said to you that I was still in love with you, and with very good reason, you didn't believe me. I'll say it to you as many times as you need to hear it, so that you'll be convinced of it's truth. But I don't want to push you, if you don't feel the same, there is nothing I can do. I just thought that perhaps you still did. I felt our connection that night we spent together, I wanted so badly to ask you to stay. I didn't know how to, after all the pain that was caused. I just wanted you to be happy and I didn't know that I could give you that. The memories will always be there between us, like a ghost, haunting and taunting. So I'll ask you now...Addie do you want to give this...us, a try? I know it may be much to consider now, but just think about it and then let me know."

Addison was quiet, contemplating what he had just said to her. Could it really be this easy? After his indifference, her affair, his affair, the humiliation, emotional and mental abuse that they put each other through, then ultimately their divorce, could it all be swept under the rug just like that? A part of her really wanted to believe. She loved him, had never stopped, but felt like after that night, that it was time to let go, so that they could attempt to be happy with other people. That night was suppose to be them closing the book on their love story, one that unfortunately, wouldn't have a happy ending, but could it? Somehow, fate had other plans in store for them. They were now, god-willing, going to be parents, to not one, but two beautiful babies. Against practically all the odds, she was pregnant, and not just with anyone, with him.

"I do believe you. In spite of everything, I really do. I know you won't let me go through this alone. I also know, and feel, that you still love me...I'm still in love with you, but is that enough? Derek, we put each other through hell. Seattle was horrible. The way you treated me, staying with me while having an emotional affair with her, knowing that it was only a matter of time before I lost you completely, I was suffocating there and couldn't get out, because I couldn't give up on us. When I realized that you had chosen her, I was devastated. Even though I understood why you couldn't forgive me, I never imagined that you would actually not choose our love in the end." He wanted to speak, but she quickly put up her hand to stop him. "Please let me finish."

He nodded. "It's in the past, I had to leave it there because the hurt was eating away at me, but I will say, that before we made love that night, I spoke with Meredith. I couldn't understand how she could just let you go? How you could let her go? I gave up on our marriage because you both were supposed to be it and I could no longer stand in the way. I thought...god, he deserves to be happy, my love for you transcended my own pain. So I left. I left because I couldn't be without you, but I still wanted you to have what you wanted, what I thought made you happy. It killed me to know that it was no longer me. So, as much as I want to say 'YES let's do this, let's be together and raise a beautiful family', as much as every fiber in my being wants that, as much as I do believe what you're saying...I don't trust it. I can't trust it. You haven't even really given yourself a shot with her, so how do I know, that after the excitement of knowing you're going to be a father, that you won't begin to resent me, or the babies, because you never fully realized this epic love affair with Meredith?

"Addison?"

"I know it's sounds insane! Believe me I do! It's crazy that when you're telling me everything I want to hear, I'm sending you back to the woman you left me for. I just need you to be sure Derek. You haven't really been able to be with her, and if we were to do this, a part of you may always wonder. As much as I want to be with you, I don't want you to have any regrets and I...I deserve to know for sure."

"I don't know what to say, Addison. I know what I want, and I want you. Yes, I may have been thinking of moving forward with Meredith, but I hadn't even broken it off with Rose. When you called me, I was on my way to do that, and then it didn't matter, none of it did."

"But that's what I mean Derek, I wasn't even on your radar until I called you to give you the news."

"That's not true. If it were true, I wouldn't be wavering between these two women. Yes, I won't deny that I love Meredith, a part of me always will, she helped pull me out of the abyss I was in after what happened with us." Addison couldn't help but wince. Derek quickly added. "I'm not saying that to hurt you, I needed someone at that moment and it just happened to be her. None if it matters though, because when I was standing on my porch looking over at Meredith, the only person I was thinking of was you...when I met you, our dreams, our marriage, where we went wrong, and then our goodbye at the airport. I felt that I had no choice, I had to move on, and why not with Meredith? After all, like you said, at one point I thought she was important enough to end our marriage for. But then you called and it was easy to leave, nothing else mattered. Yes, I had doubts and questions, but getting to you was the most important thing. Look, I understand you being weary, so if I have to prove to you that you're it for me, then I will. As soon as I get back, I'm telling her the truth, and then I'm putting an end to this back and forth once and for all."

"Derek, I just need you to try with her, I need you to really really try. I know it doesn't make sense to you, but if you don't try, then all of it was for nothing. Don't you get it? It means that you threw our marriage away for nothing! I know I fucked up myself, I slept with your best friend, and after you left, as horrible as it sounds, I stayed with him. You know why? Because I needed to know that I didn't ruin our lives together for just one night. That's what this would be...any progress and new promises that we made when we decided to try again, would have been for nothing. All because of one fuck and black panties." She said louder than she expected, as she let go of his hands. He instantly reached out to her.

"Don't, don't pull away from me, please." She allowed him to take a hold of her hands once more, the tension that had taken over her, gradually dissipating. Derek slowly loosened his grip on her hands, then reached to wrap his arms around her. She stiffened for a moment and then surrendered herself into his warm embrace. His head moved forward to find hers, and she leaned over, wanting to feel him closer as well. Their foreheads touched, resting against each other intimately.

_I was just guessing_

_At numbers and figures_

_Pulling the puzzles apart_

_Questions of science_

_Science and progress_

_Do not speak as loud as my heart_

_Oh tell me you love me_

_Come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles_

_Chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_Oh, it's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be so hard_

_I'm going back to the start_

_Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh_

_Ah ooh ooh ooh ooh_

_Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh_

_Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh_


	7. Trouble Is

**Summary: **

**A/U **This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my excellent Beta **AE**

**Author's Note: **

Hey ya'll! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I got a bit of writer's block after I became fascinated by the Addisam dynamic and the outline to this story started shaping up into something completely different that I originally intended. I had to read several Addek fanfics in order to get to where I was with this story before. I will say that some of my new found love for Addisam might be incorporated, but in the end this will be Addek.

**Disclaimer: **

I own nothing.

_"Trouble Is" _- _by Allison Iraheta_

_I could slip so easily into you_

_If I let myself go_

_I could let my wildest dream come true_

_You never know_

_How it's gonna wind up in the end_

_Will we be lovers or not even friends?_

_Trouble is, I like the taste too much and I can't think straight_

_People change, and will you still be here after today_

_Trouble is, I feel like I could win or lose it all_

_I don't know which way to fall_

_Don't forget, the promises we made_

_When I got on the plane_

_We'd be back together once again_

_And we would stay the same_

_Sometimes I think love can last_

_But sometimes I think forever is the thing of the past_

_Trouble is, I like the taste too much and I can't think straight_

_People change, and will you still be here after today_

_Trouble is, I feel like I could win or lose it all_

_I don't know which way to fall_

_na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na_

_Previously on 'Maybe':_

"Derek, I just need you to try with her, I need you to really really try. I know it doesn't make sense to you but if you don't try then all of it was for nothing. Don't you get it? It means that you threw our marriage away for nothing! I know I fucked up myself, I slept with your best friend and after you left, as horrible as it sounds, I stayed with him. You know why? Because I needed to know that I didn't ruin our lives together for one night. That's what this would be, any progress and new promises that we made when we decided to try again would have been for nothing. All because of one fuck and black panties." She said louder than she expected as she let go of his hands. He instantly reached out to her.

"Don't, don't pull away from me, please" she allowed him to take a hold of her hands once more, the tension that had taken over her gradually dissipating. Derek slowly loosened his grip on her hands, then reached to wrap his arms around her. She stiffened for a moment and then surrendered herself into his warm embrace. His head moving forward to find hers, she leaned over wanting to feel him closer as well, their foreheads touching, resting against each other intimately.

'_**Maybe'- by Agent Addek**_

_Chapter 7: 'Trouble Is'_

Like every morning, the sunlight that squeaked through her blinds caressed her face. She turned from it, trying to get a few more moments of sleep. The warmth enveloped her body and invited her to stay in bed just a little longer. Soft, slow circles were being drawn on her abdomen. At first, she stiffened, knowing that the hand touching her skin was not her own. Then realization dawned on her and she couldn't help but smile. "Morning." she said as she turned to look at him.

"Morning." he smiled back. "How did you sleep?"

"Really good. How about you?"

"Really good too...Thank you." He grinned sheepishly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They held on to each other almost desperately, neither wanted to let go. His hands rubbed her back soothingly and her hands stroked the back of his neck unconsciously. Their foreheads still against each other. Their hearts beat loudly - practically in unison as their breaths deepened. They could feel the air between them change. Derek brought one of his hands up and caressed her face gently. They stared into one another's eyes, no question needed to be asked. They could see the reciprocating love, the want and need in them. He pulled her closer and she obliged instantly. Their lips met, gentle and soft at first, but soon it turned into unabashed desire. Derek guided her to stand up, encircling her waist as he continued to assault her lips. His hands freely roamed her body. "Derek" she whispered his name in between kisses. "Room...now." He quickly grabbed her ass and lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked them out of the nursery and into the hallway, all the while they continued their ferocious onslaught of each others mouths. Addison reached out behind her to open the door. They made their way inside quickly where Derek gently laid her down.

"No...not slow and easy..."

"Addie, I don't want to..."

"You won't. It's fine."

She reached up and pulled him towards her roughly, nipping and sucking his lips. Derek hesitated for a moment, then began his attack on her as well. He reached between them to pull her dress over her, she lifted her hips to assist him. The dress quickly came off and she laid there completely open to him. She looked even more beautiful that he had remembered. Every fiber in him just wanted to plunge into her. He wanted to pin her to the bed and fuck her with his frantic energy. He made a quick attempt at pulling off his pants and boxers as Addison worked on taking off his shirt. Addison's bra and underwear quickly joined the rest of their discarded clothing. She laid back and parted her legs, inviting him to invade her wanton body. Derek seized her breast with his mouth and flicked his tongue over her protruded nipple. Addison arched her back to have more contact. His eyes were addled with so much lust it was driving her to her brink. She knew exactly how he felt because she was feeling it as well. "Derek...now. Do it now." He reached down between them and took his rigid cock in his hand and guided it to her swollen entrance. As he slowly entered her, he unleashed a whimper as her muscles squeezed him tightly. He rested his head in the valley of her breast, breathed in her scent and tried to contain himself. Addison dug her nails into his ass as she willed him to continue, her thighs spread wider to give him more access. Derek groaned against her, then began to pummel her relentlessly. Addison moaned and groaned which encouraged him. Her body was all a buzz with every move he made. She felt alive and whole. Derek couldn't help himself any longer. He wanted to mark his territory, dominate and own her. All he could think about was having her scream his name over and over. He got his wish.

"Derek...oh god...Derek! I want more...please more."

"You want more baby?"

"Yes, yes...oh god yes. Derek...Derek yeah...right...there."

He continued to hammer into her with all that he had, wanting to give her what she wanted. Addison's voice hitched. He felt her spasm around him and that was all he needed. He shot his hot cum without restraint, emptied himself completely inside her. Derek slowed his movements, then stopped altogether, he reached for her and flipped her over to lay on top of him. They were both so sated. The growling of Addison's stomach brought them out of their collective lull.

"Sorry." She said sheepishly. He stroked her back soothingly.

"Someone's hungry."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"You wanna order in?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." With that he slipped out of bed. He was on a mission for food.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Addie?" Derek called out to her.

"Yeah?" She answered from the bathroom.

"Do you want to go out for breakfast?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Maybe we can do some shopping after."

"Derek, I think I did enough damage to your credit card yesterday." She chuckled.

"You've got a lot more damage to do, remember we need to buy all the other stuff for the nursery. I got all the furniture, now it's up to you to decorate the room. I'd like to do some of that with you."

"Really?" She asked, peeking her head out around the door.

"I'd love to...if you'll have me."

"Of course, silly."

"Then it's settled. Breakfast first, then some major shopping. Better grab some comfy shoes."

"Already on it!"

The ringing of the door bell rang through the house.

"I'll get it!" Derek yelled, on his way out of the room. He went down the stairs to open the door.

"Naomi, good morning."

"Good morning. Sorry for coming by so early, I wanted to see how things turned out last night. Was she surprised?...happy?"

"Why don't you go ask her yourself, she's up in her room getting ready."

"I will, thanks." She hurried up the stairs. She found Addison putting on her shoes.

"Hey you. How are you feeling?"

"Nai! I'm good...really good."

"How's the nausea?"

"It's been a couple of days since I've had it."

"Dizziness?"

"A little last night, but I'm good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's fine."

"That's good."

"Nai...just ask already."

"What? It's none of my business Addie."

"When has anything that goes on in my life not been your business." She chuckled.

"Right!...Fine just tell me then."

"Why don't I just show you." Addison grabbed Naomi's hand and led her to the nursery.

"Oh my god, Addie! This is gorgeous!"

"I know, right?"

"He did all this yesterday?"

"Yeah, he did. Sam helped him put some of it together."

"This is really fantastic! It just needs your touch and you'll be all set."

"I know. He did really good."

"He really did...so when are you gonna tell me that you slept with him?"

"Wait. How did you...how?"

"Addison Forbes Montgomery! Like I don't know you. So you did?"

"We..."

"Well, you're not denying it."

"We were having an argument...more like a heated discussion...fine, we were talking, I may have yelled a little...then we were sitting here in the nursery and he was holding me and our foreheads were up against each other and next thing you know we're in bed together."

"Just like that...who am I kidding, of course just like that. So, what happens next?."

"Well, we didn't get a chance to work out the details last night, but we will. He's leaving tomorrow evening."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yes I am. I need him to."

"You need him to leave?"

"No...I mean yes. I told him something crazy, that I may later regret."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I need him to go back and try with Meredith Grey..."

"You what?"

"I told you it was going to sound crazy! I just need to be sure that his declaration of love last night wasn't because he's swept up in all of this."

"He said he loved you?"

"Yes. I told him that I loved him too."

"I don't understand what the problem is? If you're both still in love with each other and want to be together, why would you send him back to go after that girl?"

"I don't want him to have regrets Nai. I need him to be sure and the only way I think he'll get that, is if he goes back and sorts his feelings out for her. He says he doesn't need to, but I can't trust in that. I need to know for sure."

"I understand that Addie, I do, but you have to realize that your entering into murky water here. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. This is really the best way. If he decides that he wants to be with her, then I've lost nothing because I didn't have him to begin with. I moved out to LA to start a new life. If it includes a new life with Derek and our children, then I'd be elated, and if it doesn't, then I'll still have two beautiful precious babies."

"As long as you know what you're doing. I'm here for you no matter what. To me, all that matters is that all three of you..." She points towards Addison's stomach, "...are healthy and taken care of."

"I know Nai and I appreciate that...you do understand why I'm doing it, right?" Addison asked, wanting to be reassured by her friend.

"I may not think it's the best way to go about it, but I understand why you feel you need to do it. Just be careful Addie."

"I will...thanks Nai."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's so good to be home!" Addison exclaimed as she dropped the bags at the entrance and plopped down on the couch. "If I never have to do shopping again, it will be a day too soon."

"I never thought the day would come when I'd actually hear you say that." Derek replied as he dropped his bags and sat next to her. "I think we got everything you'll need for the first few months."

"You think? Seriously, I think we went a little crazy...I mean considering I'm still in my first trimester and..."

"Addison, stop. We're allowed to be happy and enjoy this. Besides, Naomi is monitoring you throughout this pregnancy and I'm sure you will be doing everything you can to help it along. So just take it in, let it wash over you. You're going to be a mother, we're having two beautiful, healthy babies coming into our lives soon."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to...I guess I'm always expecting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not used to being this happy without something going terribly wrong." She took a deep breath and then shook herself out of it. "You're right. I get to be happy about this. I get to enjoy decorating the room and getting ready for them to arrive...thank you."

"You're welcome!" He smiled at her genuinely. They stared at each other for a few moments, allowing it to envelope them. Addison was the first to break eye contact, not wanting to get too comfortable with their current situation. The truth was, that Derek had to go back to Seattle...back to a life that didn't include her or their twins. They still had so much to discuss and go over, and the sooner they had that conversation, the better.

"I'm gonna head upstairs to change, then I'll meet you back down here. Would you mind bringing the shopping bags up to the nursery?"

"Of course not...Addie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"It just seems...never mind, I'll take these up."

She quickly rushed up the steps, leaving Derek confused. He wasn't going to push her. When she was ready to talk, she would. He gathered the bags and then made his trek up the stairs.

As soon as she walked into her room, she shut the door and then leaned up against it. Addison took a few breaths trying to compose herself. She couldn't lose it now, they had to have the conversation that he had flown all the way out here for. Just because they had fallen into bed together again didn't change anything. He still had to go. She closed her eyes, then took another breath. She quickly changed into something comfortable and then went back down.

Derek was already in the kitchen brewing some tea. "Chamomile or lavender?"

"Chamomile's good. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now go sit down and I'll bring it over to you." At Addison's slight glare, "I just think you'd want to be off your feet since we were out most of the day." He smiled.

Addison smiled back softly, then continued onto the couch. She reached over to grab one of her warm fuzzy blankets. "Why don't we take this outside? It's nice out."

"That sounds great, I'll meet you out there in a bit." She nodded and made her way outside.

Back inside, Derek was getting his tray set up with blueberry scones, biscottis and some honey for their tea. He looked around, grabbed a few final things, then padded out to the deck. Addison was already curled up in one of the lounge chairs, her eyes closed, allowing herself to feel the gentle ocean breeze caress her face. She looked so peaceful that he almost didn't want to disturb her. Addison felt his presence and opened her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine."

"You just looked so relaxed, I didn't want to bother you."

"Don't worry, you didn't. Here, let me help you with that..." She began to get up.

"No, it's okay. I've got it Addie. I'm just gonna set it right here on this table." He pointed to the table that was off to the side. He dragged it over to sit between them. "I figured you might want something to nibble on while you drank your tea." He motioned to the items on the tray.

"I do. Thank you. This looks great!" They were silent for several moments, neither of them knowing where to go from here.

"Derek..." He instantly knew where this was going.

"I know...I know. I just wanted to have these few days with you, where nothing else mattered but us and them." He pointed at her stomach.

"I know, I did too, but we can't kid ourselves Derek. You have a life that you need to get back to, and so do I."

"Addison, I told you..."

"I know, but I also told you that I couldn't do this...not without knowing for sure."

"I can't say anything to convince you otherwise?"

"I'm sorry, there isn't." She said deflated. "Believe me Derek, every part of me is screaming for me to tell you to stay. To just hold on to this, to us, and never let go, but I can't. I can't for so many reasons...but mainly for their sake, my sake and yours."

"So what happens when I get back? Will I get updates? Will I get to come with you to appointments? How much will you let me be involved?"

"Yes of course. You can be involved as much, or as little, as you want to be. I just really want you to know that you don't owe me...us...anything. If at some point you no longer want to be involved, please know that even if it hurts...I'll understand." She looked down towards her hands, not wanting to see his face for fear that she would see relief.

"Are you kidding me? Addison...look at me please!" She looked up and met his intense gaze. "I know I haven't given you any reason to believe me when I say this, but I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm in this all the way. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Please know and understand that!"

"Okay." She nodded with relief,and then paused before she asked her next question. She really didn't want to know the answer, but she had to ask him. "Are you going to tell her?" She didn't have to say her name, he knew exactly who Addison was asking about.

"I don't know."

"Don't you think she'll get suspicious when you're making all these trips to Los Angeles?"

"What I meant to say, is that I don't know that it'll be any of her business." Addison arched an inquiring eyebrow at him. "I know you want me to go back and make it work with her to ease some of the doubts you have, but that's not up to you. I will go back to Seattle to give you your space and time to think, but I don't feel that given everything that's happened, that Meredith and I should be together."

"But..."

"I understand what it is you want Addie, but I may not be able to give you that. Things are different now...and not just because you're pregnant. Being here with you, even when we've argued, has still been so easy and simple, like it's the most natural thing in the world. With her, it's never been like that, it's a constant battle."

"We weren't always easy Derek, that's why things...happened."

"I know that, but we also stopped trying Addie. We lost each other along the way but I never stopped loving you. Was I hurt? Absolutely. Did I want to make you pay for the pain that you caused me? Every day. What I realized, was that I wouldn't have been so hurt and angry if I didn't care so damn much about you! I honestly don't know what's gonna happen when I get back Addie, I just know that whatever it is that's happening with you and these babies, I want to be a part of it. Okay?"

"Okay"

_Everything's so temporary._

_Hold too tight and things just slip away._

_And then you hold me I'm in place_

_Trouble is, I like the taste too much and I can't think straight_

_People change, and will you still be here after today_

_Trouble is, I feel like I could win or lose it all_

_I don't know which way to fall_

_na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na_

_I don't know which way to fall_


	8. What You Feel

Summary: A/U

This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

ThanX go out to my excellent Beta AE

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_**'What You Feel' by Chris Levy**_

_Time and space, _

_There's a lonely place, _

_There's no sound, _

_Just a heart that pounds. _

_Life's unknown, where's the way back home? _

_In my mind, there's a silent cry._

_What you feel, what you know, _

_You're not in control._

_If you just let it go, _

_There's a piece you'll know._

Previously on Maybe:

"I understand what it is you want Addie, but I may not be able to give you that. Things are different now...and not just because you're pregnant. Being here with you, even when we've argued, has still been so easy and simple. like it's the most natural thing in the world. With her, it's never been like that...it's a constant battle."

"We weren't always easy Derek, that's why things...happened."

"I know that, but we also stopped trying Addie. we lost each other along the way, but I never stopped loving you. Was I hurt? Absolutely. Did I want to make you pay for the pain that you caused me? Everyday. What I realized, was that I wouldn't have been so hurt and angry if I didn't care so damn much about you! I honestly don't know what's gonna happen when I get back Addie, I just know that whatever it is that's happening with you and these babies, I want to be a part of it. Okay?"

"Okay."

'Maybe' - By Agent Addek

**Chapter****8:** 'What You Feel'

As soon as he touched down in Seattle, he felt the urge to get on a plane and head back to Los Angeles. How had he allowed her to convince him to go back? All he wanted to do was stay and be at her side. He told her he understood, but quite honestly he didn't. He didn't understand how she could want him to run back to the woman that he had left her for. Derek ran his fingers through his hair. What was he going to do? Addison didn't want him to come back until she knew, or felt, that he'd done some adequate soul searching. She was right to be worried. He couldn't blame her for not trusting him after all the damage and pain he'd caused her. He knew she wasn't blameless in all of it, but when she moved out to be with him, she gave it her all. She gave up so much to be with him and all he could give her was nothing but humiliation and pain, and now she was carrying his children. He would thank god everyday that they were born out of a night where they had loved each other. He would have hated himself if this had happened on a night that he had taken her in his arms out of anger and lust, like he had the night that he found Meredith with the vet. Addison deserved so much more than the hand he had dealt her...and now he had to pay his penance.

"Derek?" A familiar friendly voice roused him from his thoughts.

"Mark! It's good to see you! Thanks for coming to get me."

"It's no problem man. I'm parked right over here." He pointed to the car with the flashing lights on the curbside. "So, how was the trip? Did you get to see Addison?"

"I did." Derek replied as he slid into the car and buckled up.

"Well...how is she? Did she say she missed this face?" Mark gave Derek his best toothy grin.

"She's good. She's happy...she lives on the beach you know."

"Does she? Always the best views for Addie."

"Yeah...Mark?"

"What's up? Oh, do you want to stop by Joe's and grab something to eat?, or do you want me to drop you off at your place? By the way, call Meredith will ya, she's been on me since you left. Like I'm your keeper."

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Shoot."

"Addison's pregnant." Mark braked abruptly.

"Dude! You can't just spring that on a guy while he's driving!"

"I'm sorry! Just pull over!"

Mark quickly found somewhere to pull over and parked. "She's pregnant." He said it slowly, letting it sink in. He never knew how much it would actually hurt finding out that she was pregnant and knowing it wasn't his. "Who's the lucky bastard?" He found the nerve to ask.

"Me." Derek said matter-of-factly.

"What? When? How long have you been back together?"

"It's not like that. When she was in town for that consult, we slept together. She called me a few days ago to tell me the news. We're having twins." He said joyfully. "I'm going to be a father, Mark."

Mark was quiet. he didn't know how to react. Was he happy for his old friend? Of course he was, how could he not be? Just looking at his face he could tell that this was the best news he could have possibly learned. Derek had always wanted to be a father, he'd always wanted children with Addison, but then things went to shit.

"I'm happy for you." Was all he could bring himself to offer. Mark knew he couldn't dwell on this. What happened between him and Addison was in the past. it still hurt like hell, but it was in the past. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Hell if I know. I've got so much to think about. You wanna stop at Joe's for that drink?"

"Yeah I do."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Addie?"

"I'm in the kitchen!" She yelled back. "Hey Sam! To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"

"What, I can't come over to check on my lovely neighbor?"

"Lovely...I like that."

"Do you?"

"I do." She smiled. "What's up?"

"Not much. Just came over to check on you, see how you're doing."

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are."

"What? I am!"

"Addison, I've known you long enough to know that when you say you're fine, it usually means you aren't. So let's have it."

She stared at him for a bit, stubbornly not wanting to admit that he was absolutely right. She wasn't fine, she was anything but fine.

"What if he doesn't come back? What if I have to go through this alone? God! I hate feeling so...argghhhh! I'm sorry. Hormones."

"It's okay, I've dealt with my share of hormonal women. You're afraid that Derek won't be coming back?" She nodded sheepishly. "Addison, that would never happen. The man was stupid enough to let you go once, he won't make the same mistake again."

"How do you know that?"

"Because...I...he wouldn't. if for some god-forsaken reason he is actually stupid enough to walk away again, then you're not alone. You have Nai, Violent, Pete, Cooper and you have...you have me. You'll always have me."

Addison stared into his eyes and felt his honesty. She smiled softly and then sprang into his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, letting her head land on the crook of his neck. At first Sam stiffened, having her in such close proximity made his heart beat just a little faster, but soon he encircled her waist and held her tightly. He turned slightly to take in her scent, 'God she smelled amazing.' They held on to each other for several minutes, Addison appreciating that he had eased her fears and Sam wanting to hold her for as long as he could, just to have her near.

"Addison?" Naomi called out, but then stopped in her tracks.

Sam quickly pulled away, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"What's going on?" She asked, slightly taken aback by Sam's reaction.

"Hey Nai!" Addison replied, completely oblivious to what Sam and Naomi were obviously experiencing. "Nothing. I'm just a little hormonal and insecure and Sam was kind enough to help ease some of my doubts. What's up?"

Naomi looked towards Sam who looked away. she wanted to pursue this, whatever it was, but now wasn't the time. "I just came by to see if you wanted to go out to lunch?"

"Yeah, I would actually. Sam are you joining us?"

"Umm...you know what, I've got some stuff I need to take care of, so you ladies go ahead." He began to make his way out the back, passing Naomi on the way.

"Samuel?" Naomi questioned.

"Not now Nai." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "We'll talk later, okay?"

She nodded in agreement and then watched as he disappeared from the deck.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So you're going to be a father, how does it feel?"

"It feels damn good! I've wanted this for a very long time. Granted, it didn't happen at all how I expected it. I mean, I knew I always wanted children with Addie, I just thought we'd still be married and living in the same state."

"How is this gonna work?"

"I'm gonna be there for whatever she needs. I'll rearrange whatever I have to in order to make every appointment with her."

"Wouldn't that be easier if you lived in the same city?"

"It would, and I told her that, but she insisted that I come back."

"You let her convince you to do that! She's good."

"Yeah, she is."

"Look, I'm gonna stop beating around the bush, are you getting back together?" Mark blurted out. He just wanted to know, rip the band aid off.

"I don't know. I want to, more than anything."

"Would you have wanted to had you not known that she was pregnant?"

"What? Of course I would! I don't just want to be with her because she's pregnant. I'm in love with her, I always have, always will be! It just took me a damn long time to realize it is all."

"I'm sorry, man! I just had to ask. I love Addie, and I don't know what it is that you're doing here with Rose and Meredith, but I just don't want her to get hurt, you know. We've caused her enough pain to last a lifetime, between the both of us."

"I know, but I've made my choice Mark. I'm ending things with Rose and Meredith. I'm done with that. You know, Addie wanted me to come back here and work things out with Meredith. She told me that I needed to sort my feelings out for Mer before I went back to her."

"Did you sleep with her?" Mark questioned with a tinge of jealousy running through him.

"Yes I did. I told her I loved her and she said it back. This is our chance to get back what we lost, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let this opportunity pass us by again. I want her back, I'm fighting for her and our family."

"So what's your next move?"

"I need to talk to Rose, then Meredith."

"Well, I think you've got a shot at talking at least to one of them in about 1, 2, 3 and go!" Mark smiled as he saw the woman approaching them.

"Derek?" Rose called out. Derek turned to look at her. he hadn't returned any of her phone calls and now here she was.

"I'll let you two catch up, I'll be at the bar." Mark winked at Rose and patted Derek on the back for luck.

"Hi." He said, trying to buy some time to get his thoughts together.

"Hi."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." she smiled hesitantly.

"Rose, I'm sorry that I haven't returned any of your calls. I just...I've been busy..."

"Yeah."

"...And I had to fly out on an emergency to LA, I was there for a few days and um..."

"It's fine. I understand...I...you know what? I actually don't. I deserve an explanation or something!"

"You do. I agree. you have every right to be upset. Rose, I..."

"Just say it, get it over with." She said deflated. "I know you want to go back to her. I've seen it, and I've tried to deny it, but I can't anymore. So just tell me."

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

"It doesn't really matter what you wanted, because in the end, you did."

"We need to end this. It has to be over."

"I know. It's been over. you never really gave us a chance."

"Rose, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you said that...but you know what?, It doesn't mean anything." She stood up and gathered her stuff. "Have a good night Dr. Shepherd." With that, she turned and walked away.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naomi sat quietly and watched as Addison ate her food. There was a moment back at Addison's house that was bugging her. She knew that Addison hadn't noticed, but she certainly had, and now she couldn't get that look that had come across Sam's face out of her head.

"Nai? Nai...? Hello! Earth to Nai!" Addison waved her hands in front of Naomi's face. Naomi shook herself out of her trance.

"Sorry, Addie. I completely zoned out." she gave her an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. You just had me worried for a second there. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...I just, there was something wrong with Sam back at your place. Did he say anything to you?"

"Sam? No. I didn't even notice there was anything wrong with him. Honestly, even if there had been, I was so wrapped up in my little pity party that I wouldn't have noticed. I'm sorry."

"No! Don't even worry about it, It's probably nothing. I'm sure I'm just over reacting."

"Are you sure? I can talk to him if you want me to? How are things between you guys by the way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is there progress on that front? I mean, I know you've had great sex, but anything beyond that? Will I be all big and pregnant at your wedding?" She half-teased.

"You're ridiculous you know that? Honestly, I don't know. Things are just what they are, nothing's moving forward. I think we're both just testing the waters right now, we're not trying to rush anything."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do! He's Sam, how can I not?"

"I mean, are you in love with him?" Addison pressed.

"What is this interest in the status of our relationship?" Naomi half-accused, but held back. Addison had no clue as to why Naomi might be feeling a little threatened...Or did she?

"I'm sorry Nai! I didn't mean to pry. I just...you're two of my very dear friends, and I want you both to be happy is all. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have pushed you..." Naomi waved her off, feeling horrible for snapping at her.

"No. Please don't apologize. I'm just a little out of sorts today, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I want that for you as well, which is why I think your idea of sending Derek back to that girl is crazy!"

"Well, there might not be much to worry about."

"What do you mean?" Naomi arched her eyebrow.

"He said that even though I was sending him away, that he wasn't getting back together with her. He was adamant about going back to give me space, but nothing more."

"That's great!"

"I wouldn't get too excited yet...Derek is so indecisive. He'll probably end up in bed with her the moment he sees her."

"Addie!"

"What? I'm just calling it how I see it Nai. He can't bring himself to hurt anyone, and in the end he always ends up hurting everyone. Look, I absolutely adore that man, but I know his flaws. Indecisiveness, and being the good guy, are always his downfalls."

"I wish you wouldn't have such a morbid outlook on your future together."

"I'm being realistic Nai. It will hurt less when he decides to stay with her."

XXXXXXXXX

He'd been stalling at the bar with Mark for over an hour. Rose was long gone, and the guilt of what he did to her was still very present. he knew it had to be done, just like speaking with Meredith, it had to be done.

"I think I'm gonna get going." Derek finally said.

"You gonna go talk to her?"

"I think so...and I hope she understands."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Hey man, I'm just keeping it real." Mark smirked. "Look, you've been leading this girl on for how long now? It is a given that she won't be taking it well, especially if you tell her you've got two little baby Shepherds on the way...But I wish you all the luck, you'll need it brother." with that, Mark slapped him on the back and began to exit the bar. He quickly came back, "By the way, you're paying the tab. Goodnight!" He smiled and then turned on his heel and left.

Derek looked down at his drink, he needed another. Liquid courage they called it. He wouldn't be driving to Meredith's, so he knew he had to take a cab. It wasn't the most ideal thing, since he wanted to tell her and leave, but he had chosen to drink tonight and driving was out of the question. He waved down the bartender, who quickly came over to fill his glass again. Derek reached for his wallet and handed his credit card to the bartender.

"Can you please close my tab and call me a taxi?"

"You got it!"

Derek turned his attention back to the newly filled glass. This was going to be a long night. He reached up to rub the bridge of his nose, it was now or never. He shook his head, then reached for the glass containing the warm brown liquid and tossed it back with one big gulp.

"The cab should be here in 5 minutes. Here's your card."

"Thanks! Have a goodnight!"

"Thanks! You do the same." Derek half-heartedly smiled at the bartender. He wished he'd be able to have a good night, but that seemed less and less possible.

As he stepped out of the bar, the biting Seattle wind slapped him in the face. It seemed so fitting that the very city that had embraced him with nice evening breezes was now backhanding him tonight. He didn't have time to put more thought into the irony of having a cold front in late July, because his cab had arrived. Derek gave the cab driver directions and tried to prepare for what was to come.

They soon arrived at Meredith's house. he paid his fare and then stepped out, "Will you be on for the next few hours?" Derek asked the cab driver.

"Yeah, my shift doesn't end till morning."

"Do you have a card on you? I'm going to need you to pick me up in a couple of hours."

"Sure thing." The driver handed his card to Derek. "It's Steve by the way."

"Thanks Steve! I'll call you when I'm ready."

He closed the door and then turned towards her house. He stood there, not able to move, and Then felt his stomach drop when he heard the car pulling away. There was no turning back. He slowly walked up the concrete stairs leading up to her front porch. it felt like an eternity, but he wouldn't begrudge it since it was providing him with time. Derek was now standing at the landing, right in front of the door. His heart was beating so fast. He reached out and knocked. He waited. Nothing. He knocked again. Derek could hear someone coming down the stairs. he straightened up and held his breath.

"Coming!" Derek recognized Meredith's voice. He had been secretly hoping that she wouldn't be home, but he knew that was asking for too much. The door swung open and she stepped back, a little stunned.

"Derek." she spoke his name softly.

"Meredith." he mimicked her.

"You're back."

"Yeah...I am." They both stood frozen in their spots. Meredith finally snapped out of it and stepped to the side.

"I'm sorry! Do you wanna come in?" She asked nervously.

"Uh...yeah. Thanks."

"So when did you get back?" She asked as she walked towards the living room.

"Earlier today."

"Okay. So how was your trip?" He knew she was trying to make small talk and that she was avoiding asking him what she really wanted to know.

"It was good." This wasn't getting them anywhere. she knew that in order to get him to talk to her, she had to be more direct. Meredith didn't want to push him, but she wanted answers.

"How's Addison?' she asked bitingly.

"Mer..." he warned.

"What? I can't ask how your ex-wife, the one that you flew out to see as soon as she called you even though we were in the middle of an important conversation, where I basically laid my heart out for you, is?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry!"

"What were you doing with her? What did she want? and why did you feel the need to fly to be by her side instantly when I needed you? When I told you I was ready for all this..." She waved her hand between them "...Ready for us?" She finished.

He could see the pain that was coloring her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach. How could he continue to hurt this woman who had been such a solace to him? She was so fragile and so ready to commit to the things he had asked of her, and now he was going to walk away from her. Derek had been so determined to end things with Meredith. he had promised Addison and he had meant it too. He wanted to be with Addison. He loved her, of that he was sure of, but standing in front of Meredith now, he couldn't bring himself to tell her that it needed to be over. How could he walk away from her when she had just made a leap of faith? But how could he be there for Addison when he was here? He was so confused! Addison had been right to be so wary and hesitant of him. She knew what he didn't want to admit.

Meredith watched the struggle dancing across his face. She knew that she had a chance at winning this battle, but she had to act fast! So she did the only thing she could think of, something that they had been depriving each other of since they ended things. She rushed up to him and put her hands on either side of his face. She looked into his blue eyes and waited for an invitation. Derek stared back at her. How could he deny her this? Regardless of his deep love for Addison, he still cared about Meredith. He slowly nodded and that is all the encouragement that Meredith needed, she dived in. Derek wasn't reciprocating at first and his eyes were open. He could see and feel the intensity behind Meredith's mouth and he couldn't refuse her what she sought. He encircled her waist and allowed himself to feel her warmth.

XXXXXXXXX

_Got to be, _

_Something bigger than me, _

_How to find, _

_Just some peace of mind? _

_When in sight, part of you gives light. _

_In my mind, the same tape rewinds._

_What you feel, what you know, _

_You're not in control _

_If you just let it go, _

_There's a piece you'll know._

_What you feel, what you know, _

_You're not in control_

_If you just let it go, _

_There's a piece you'll know._

_What you feel, what you know, _

_You're not in control_

_If you just let it go, _

_There's a piece you'll know._

So it's been a VERY VERY VERY long time. I'm sorry! Truly! I really am!

Life has been getting in the way of my writing, but I read some Addek fanfic tonight and got re-inspired enough to write this chapter. I'm going out of town for 2 weeks, but I hope to come back and write some more. (although I can't make any promises cause I suck at keeping them.)

Hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

Please review!


	9. Every Ship Must Sail Away

**Summary: **

A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart", and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my excellent Beta, AE.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_**'Every Ship Must Sail Away' - by Blue Merle**_

_Have you ever heard the sounds in the shadows of a song? _

_Have you ever felt the words blow right through from beyond? _

_Years pass, people change, bluer skies could turn to gray_

_Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away_

_Every ship must sail away_

_Oh, change is in the air and you wear it, oh, so well_

_I asked you if you cared, if you care I couldn't tell_

_Previously on 'Maybe':_

Meredith watched the struggle dancing across his face. she knew that she had a chance at winning this battle, she just had to act fast. So she did the only thing she could think of...something that they had been depriving each other of since they ended things. She rushed up to him, put her hands on either side of his face, looked into his blue eyes and waited for an invitation. Derek stared back at her. how could he deny her this? regardless of his deep love for Addison, he still cared about Meredith. He slowly nodded and that is all the encouragement that Meredith needed, she dived in. Derek wasn't reciprocating at first, and his eyes were open. He could see and feel the intensity behind Meredith's mouth and he couldn't refuse her what she sought. He encircled her waist and allowed himself to feel her warmth.

'**Maybe' - By Agent Addek**

_Chapter 9: 'Every Ship Must Sail Away'_

A cold front had definitely hit Seattle. The wind cried and sounded like it was in pain. The noises from the outside didn't keep them from doing what they longed for. He pushed her on the couch and pulled at her jeans. she quickly obliged and slipped them off, then made a quick grab at her shirt and slipped it over her head. She reached for his shirt but he beat her to it and rapidly tossed it over his head. the only barrier between them were her panties and his pants. They continued to ravish each other with kisses and only stopped for seconds to allow themselves to breathe. She finally reached for his jeans and tugged at them. the button came undone and she began to shove them down, he reached down to help her. He looked down at her, she was willing and inviting. He could feel her want for him and he couldn't deny that he wanted to bury himself in her. She reached behind to grab his ass and pulled him closer, making him grow harder. "I want you in me Derek." She demanded.

He had been about to oblige her when it suddenly hit him. It all rushed back. Flashes of Addison, her face, her eyes, her smile, her body completely open to him as he made love to her. He suddenly felt sick...and now all he could feel was instant disgust. not with Meredith, but with himself. When did he become this man? A man who could promise one thing to a woman he loved completely, the mother of his children, and then turn around and break that promise with one kiss. How had he allowed himself to be so selfish and destructive? How could he be the man that he wanted his children to look up to, when he couldn't even be a man that they could count on? Is this how his story would continue to unfold? would he continue to punish himself, Addison, and Meredith, by going down this road again?

Meredith could see that the want in his eyes was fastly fleeting. She tried to distract him by pulling him towards her and tried to kiss him again, but to no avail. "Derek?" She questioned, afraid of whatever was coming.

"I'm sorry Mer, I can't do this!" He said as he pulled away from her and picked up his scattered clothing. "Oh my god! How could I almost do this to her again? She was right not to trust me!" He mumbled to himself as he got dressed.

"Do this to who? To me? Derek, what are you talking about? You said we were moving forward, that you wanted this?" Meredith begged for an answer, any answer, as she scanned the room for her discarded clothing.

"I'm so sorry Meredith, I shouldn't have let it get this far. I got carried away in the moment. You kissed me and it felt good but it's not fair to you, to me, or to her. It's just not fair, I have to stop doing this! I can't do this any longer." Derek said,afflicted.

"Her? Who Derek? Just tell me, what is this about? Just tell me?" She finally yelled, tears reaching her voice.

"Addison." He simply stated.

"Addison?" She gasped, her pain and shock evident. "This is about her? What the hell happened? What did she tell you to make you give up on us? Is this why you flew out to see her?" She questioned.

"She didn't do anything. this isn't her fault Mer, it's no one's fault but my own." he said guilt-ridden.

"The hell it isn't! You spend a few days with her, then come back here and we're about to make love and then you say you can't because of her! How is this not her fault?" Meredith was beginning to lose her patience. Addison had always been someone that made her feel inadequate and afraid. afraid that she would be fighting a losing battle with a woman who knew how to always win. She knew that having her gone was too good to be true, so she had let her guard down and this is what happened.

"It's my fault because I should have been honest with myself a long time ago...if I had, perhaps it would have never gotten this far. I've hurt her so many times I've lost count..."

"What about hurting me Derek? Because you hurt me countless times and I don't see you bending yourself backwards to make it right. How can you say that when she did this to you! She cheated with your best friend Derek, remember? Or have you completely forgotten what she did to you?, the pain she caused you! Then for her to come and try to keep us apart after we found each other, this was her doing." Meredith said defiantly.

"I know I've hurt you and I'm terribly sorry! That is why I came over here tonight to speak with you, this has to end. This constant back and forth can't continue to go on. Meredith, I do remember what happened between Addison and I, it's the thing that made me leave my life in New York. it's what brought me to Seattle and ultimately to you, But I've had a lot of time to think...after Addison left for Los Angeles, something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't realize it until she came back for that consult a couple of months ago."

"What are you saying?" She said barely above a whisper.

"I realized that I was still in love with her, that I never stopped." Meredith let out the breath she had been holding. Her eyes implored him to stop telling her this, but Derek continued and she couldn't stop listening. "I had been so angry with her that I had convinced myself that all feelings for her had ceased to exist, but I was wrong. When she came back, I bumped into her outside of Joe's and I spent the evening with her, it was then that I was overcome with a feeling of such loss. It finally hit me that she was no longer in my life, that's why for months I had felt so...incomplete. We said our goodbyes, even though every inch of my being was hoping that she would stay, but she left. She left, and all I could do was move on with my life, and I knew it would be with you. But fate...fate brought her back to me."

"Please, just stop. I don't want to hear this. You're confused! I don't know what happened back in L.A., but I know this will pass and then you'll want me back Derek. That chapter in your life is over. We have this chance to start a life together and you're willing to throw it away because of nostalgia? I won't let you Derek. As much as what you're saying hurts, I know what's in your heart and it's me, it's us." She used this opportunity to get closer to him. her hand reached out to touch his face but he gently grabbed her hand and then put it back down. He could see the pain reflected in her eyes.

"It's not nostalgia, Meredith, It's finally the truth that I've been afraid to speak. afraid to speak because of all the pain that came with it, but I've forgiven Addison and she's trying to forgive me."

"Forgive you for what? You did nothing wrong!"

"I cheated on my wife, Mer. Just because she did it, doesn't mean I was free to do so as well. That wasn't even the worst part and you know it! I made her pay a thousand times over and then committed the ultimate betrayal by sleeping with you while I was suppose to be giving my marriage a try. What kind of man does that?" He asked rhetorically.

"A man who was in love with someone else! A man who loves me, who wants to build a life with me, and a house, and who wants children with me! That's the kind of man who does that!"

"But I'm not that man, Meredith! I thought I was, I wanted to be, but I'm not!"

"Then who the fuck are you, huh? Who the fuck have you been these past few years? If you're not that same man that wanted all those things, then tell me, who are you?" She shouted as tears began to stream down her face.

"I should go."

"No! You started this, now finish it. You owe me that much."

Derek shook his head, then looked up to stare her in the eyes. She was pleading with him to tell her. "I'm still that man who wants those things..." Confusion colored her face, then a beat of hope. He quickly disparaged it, "but I wanted them, and still want them, with Addison." he finished. Derek looked away, not able to take her agony. She was so still and quiet, then a sob escaped her mouth and it was her undoing.

"How could you do this to me again? I loved you when you needed someone, I still love you and I'm willing to give you whatever I can! And now you're saying that those dreams you said you wanted with me, had always been your dreams with HER! You son of a bitch! She rushed towards him and started to hit his chest with her fists, beating on it as forcefully as she could. Derek just stood there and took every blow until she finally tired.

"I'm so sorry Meredith."

"Stop saying that! Stop saying that because it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make this ache in my heart hurt any less. It doesn't make this sickening feeling in my stomach go away. So stop saying that you're sorry!" She wrapped her arms around herself and sat on the couch. She took a deep breath, then looked towards him again. "Then why come back from L.A.? If you're convinced you're in love with her, why come back at all?" The realization soon dawned on her, "...She asked you to leave, didn't she?"

"She needed to be sure." He answered.

"Sure of what? That she won?" Meredith said bitterly.

"This isn't about winning Meredith. I understand her reasons, with the babies coming, she couldn't..." he stopped when he realized what he had just said.

"What did you just say?" She felt her blood go cold and her body became rigid.

"I...I...I said that I understood..." he stammered.

"No...you said babies...as in plural. What does that mean?" She held her breath for the final blow.

Derek looked down at his feet. he hadn't planned on telling her about Addison's pregnancy. He knew she would eventually find out, but he didn't want to be so cruel and reveal that as he was ending things with her. it was too late, the damage was done and now he had to finish what he started. "She's pregnant." Meredith stood back up to face him.

"Is it yours?" she barely verbalized.

"Yes, they're mine." he said and couldn't stop a smile from forming as he told her. Then shock imbued his face as he felt the slap. "Get out! Get out now! I don't ever want to see you! Go! Please just go!"

He watched her twist in torment and wished he could somehow make it go away, but he was doing her more harm by staying. he reached for his jacket, looked at her sullen form and walked out the door. He bumped into Christina on his way out. she gave him the once over then rushed inside sensing there was something wrong. no doubt he'd be paying for this tomorrow and the many days after.

XXXXXXXXX

She had been feeling a little edgy since she had come back from her lunch with Naomi...something that she couldn't really put her finger on. She decided that she just needed to relax so she grabbed a book, a hot cup of tea and a warm blanket. She situated herself on one of the chaise on her back deck and let the beauty of the view envelop her. Addison smiled to herself, already feeling a little better than she had before. This is why she loved living on the beach because even when things were turned upside down, something so simple as sitting out on the deck, closing her eyes, breathing in the refreshing breeze and listening to the ocean waves splashing on the shore, made everything else just fade away. Footsteps moving towards her caused her to suddenly open her eyes. She grinned at the familiar face. "Sam." she welcomed.

"Hey Addie, I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"Not at all. Come join me." She patted the chaise next to hers.

"Thanks. It's beautiful out here today isn't it?" He asked, as he laid back.

"It is." She replied. "Just taking all of this in makes some of my worries melt away." She stretched her arms out in front of her.

"Worries?" He questioned. She was quiet for a moment weighing if she should speak about her hopes and fears. She glanced at Sam and gave him the once over.

"At lunch with Naomi, I said something. Something I didn't want to admit, but that I fear could happen."

"What is it?"

"I know you said he'd be crazy to walk away from me again and I want to believe that, but I can't. I shouldn't, I don't have that luxury Sam. I have to entertain the possibility that he may not come back."

"Addison, you know that he loves you." He reassured her, but couldn't help but feel a tinge of pain.

"I do, but is it enough? Whether he wants to admit it or not, he has feelings for that girl. I would even say he loves her." She took a deep breath, saying it out loud made it hurt a little more. "What happens when he sees her?"

"He tells her it's over, that's what happens! He tells her that he's always been in love with one of the most amazing, brilliant, strong, smart, independent and beautiful woman he's ever known. that nothing and no one can make that love ever dissipate, that his love knows no time or boundaries. whether it's right or wrong, It's there and always will be." He finished with passioned whisper.

Addison watched him. She was stunned but a smile began to reach her eyes. she was taking in what he had just said. could it be possible that Derek loved her that unconditionally? The way Sam spoke filled her heart with so much hope, and like before, she once again flung herself into his arms. She always had a tendency to do that around Sam. there was something so inviting and comforting about him when it came to her. She knew that no matter how much time had elapsed before she reconnected with him and Naomi, nothing would change between them, and this only proved it to her. "Thank you, Sam. I really needed to hear that. I might need to hear that a lot...unless he doesn't come back and then you have to tell me how awful he is."

She chuckled and Sam joined her as he held her tightly, relishing in her warmth as she pressed her cheek to his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her back. What he had said to her could very well be what Derek felt, but he knew that every word was true of him. All those things are what had always drawn him to her. It's why back before their respective marriages, he wanted to be with her, but things worked out the way they had and now here they were and those feelings were slowly resurfacing since the moment she came to visit. The love he felt for her before, had been lying in wait. He would never deny that he loved Naomi, of course he did! She had been a beautiful part of his life, the mother of his child, But their time had passed. even though they were trying things out again, he knew that it was the comfort that was pulling them towards each other. eventually it would pass and they would move on with their lives.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and lightly kissed her. Then he chuckled to himself. His timing never ceased to amaze him. As always, when it came to Addison it was way off. with Derek back in the picture, it made him realize that he could very well lose out on being with her again. He understood that she was currently carrying her ex-husband's children, the key word being ex-husband, and he wouldn't deny that a part of him knew that Derek would end up letting her down. he would be there to pick up the pieces, and be there for her in any way that she needed him to be, and eventually, he hoped that this time...this time would be their time.

From the distance back at Sam's house, Naomi stood and watched in dismayed shocked. What she had witnessed earlier was becoming apparently true. The care in which he held her best friend could not be mistaken. How long had he been carrying this torch for the unknowing red head? Naomi wanted to look away but she couldn't bring herself to do so. she needed to see this in order to let him go. She couldn't deny that it was causing her a great deal of pain, but along with that pain also came doubt, anger and betrayal waiting to combust, but she wouldn't do it in front of Addison. She was mature enough to understand that her unsuspecting friend was in such a fragile state at the moment, that she had no clue of Samuel's feelings or intentions in regards to her. Naomi watched them for a few more moments, then left after she felt she had seen enough.

xxxxxxxx

_Cause years pass, people change, bluer skies could turn to gray_

_Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away_

_Every ship must sail way_

_Though it's gonna hurt for now, though it's gonna hurt for now_

_Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away_

_Every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away_

_Every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away_


	10. The Weight of Us

**Summary: A/U **

This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart" and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

**ThanX** go out to my excellent Beta **AE**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**_Weight of Us_**

_There are thieves, who rob us blind_

_,  
and kings, who kill us fine,_

_but steady, the rights and the wrongs_

_invade us, as innocent song._

_I'm not ready, I'm not ready_

_For the weight of us, for the weight of us, for the weight of all of us._

**_Previously on 'Maybe'_**

_From the distance back at Sam's house, Naomi stood and watched in dismayed shocked. What she had witness earlier was becoming apparently true. The care in which he held her best friend could not be mistaken for anything but love. How long had he been carrying this torch for the unknowing red head? Naomi wanted to look away, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. she needed to see this in order to let him go. She couldn't deny that it was causing her a great deal of pain, but along with that pain also came doubt, anger and betrayal waiting to combust...but she wouldn't do it in front of Addison. She was mature enough to understand that her unsuspecting friend was in such a fragile state at the moment, that she had no clue of Samuel's feelings or intentions in regards to her. Naomi watched them for a few more moments, then left after she felt she had seen enough. _

**_'Maybe'-By Agent Addek_**

Chapter 10: 'Weight of Us'

He had tossed and turned all night, hadn't really gotten much sleep. His mind was racing with all of his options, but he always landed on the same conclusion...he had to tell Addison what he had almost done. He knew that she would see this as a sign, that she had made the right choice, and to be fair, to an extent she was right. Addison knew him so well, but the fact that she was right...partly right, didn't mean that he had chosen to stay with Meredith. In fact, what happened last night made him even more sure that what he wanted more than anything, was to be with Addison. Now he just had to convince her of that!

He knew one thing for sure, he wouldn't be able to do that from Seattle. Addison was in Los Angeles and that's where he needed to be. he would give her the space and time she needed, but he would definitely be doing that from a closer distance. It wouldn't be right away of course, he had to make arrangements...give Richard enough time to find a replacement, find a hospital to work at, and a house near Addison's. He would keep the land in Seattle and eventually they could build the house they always wanted and use it as a vacation home. All of this, would hopefully give her enough time to be okay with him moving to Los Angeles and one step closer to taking him back. He sat up in bed and reached for his phone.

"Morning Addie."

"Hey...How was your flight?"

"It was good. How are you feeling today?"

"I'm goo...feeling a little on edge, I'm going nuts laying on my couch!"

He chuckled lightly. "It's not funny, Derek!" she said half-seriously.

"It's a little funny." He teased. "Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"It'll get easier. You just have to take it one day at a time. You're resting for all of you. Why don't you distract yourself by reading some of those trashy novels you love, or watch some of the awesomely bad movies you seem to rave about. Just enjoy this...you time."

"I know! It's just weird. It's like, my mind is refusing to accept it for fear of it not really being true...but I'm a doctor and my medical opinion is that...I am definitely - most definitely knocked up." They both burst out in laughter.

"Knocked...up...you..are." he said in between his fit of giggles.

"Are you Yoda'ing me now?" She laughed as well.

"A momentary lapse in judgement..." He paused and that's what had happened the night before with Meredith. it was a momentary lapse in judgement and he stopped it. he couldn't tell her...not when she seemed so comfortable speaking to him. besides, did he really want to risk upsetting her in her condition? Absolutely not! He couldn't take that risk. the only thing that mattered right now was keeping her calm and happy. This didn't mean he wouldn't eventually tell her. after all, she deserved to know, but just not now.

"You still there?" She asked, the laughter finally subsiding.

"Yes...sorry! I zoned out for a moment."

"So what are you up to today?"

"Going back to the hospital, check in with Richard, see what he has waiting for me. He wasn't expecting me back this soon."

"When was he expecting you?" She asked curiously.

"I didn't know how long I was gonna be out there, Addie. I just knew you needed me, so I told him, I'd let him know."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"No. I am. I shouldn't have sent you away...I just..."

"Addison, stop. You have every right to want to take your time. Don't doubt yourself."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome!"

"Okay...I'm gonna go. I think I might take a long bath and read one of those very informative novels you call trashy." She teased.

"You do that! Maybe you can give me a recap later?"

"Only if you're good." She replied. he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I will try my very best then!"

"Bye."

"So long."

He pressed the end button. guilt and relief coarsed through him, but he knew he had made the right choice. He was thinking of her and their unborn children. from now on, that is all that would matter. Derek got out of bed and headed towards the shower, he had a long day ahead of him.

XXXXXXXXX

"I'm coming." She yelled out as she padded down the stairs to answer the door.

"Good morning!"

"Sam! I thought you'd be in the office."

"I decided to take the day off to distract you." he gave her his best toothy grin.

She chuckled, "You didn't have to..."

He cut her off, "I wanted to. Besides, it also gives me a day away from work."

"Well...thanks! What did you have in mind?" She asked curiously.

"I figured we'd do breakfast first, then see where the day takes us?"

"I like your style Dr. Bennett. Let me grab my bag." she winked at him and then disappeared up the stairs.

He watched her go and couldn't help but smile. Seeing her happy warmed his heart. The ringing of his phone broke the spell. he reached for it and hooked it out of his back pocket. Naomi's name blinked on the screen. He took a breath and answered.

"Good morning, Naomi."

"Good morning, Sam. I came into the office looking for you, but Dell informed me that you decided to take the day off."

"Yes I am. I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you, it was a last minute thing."

"Yeah, I guess it was." She delivered evenly.

"Did you need something?"

"Yeah...we need to talk." She finally said.

"I know..." He knew exactly what she was referring to. "...But I can't now. how about you come over tonight around eight o'clock and we'll talk then? I can order thai?"

"Okay. I'll see you then."

"Okay. Have a good day, Nai."

"I'll try. Thanks."

He ended the call just as Addison was coming down. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I'm all set."

XXXXXXXXX

The day was going exactly how he had expected it. He had been plagued by stares and whispers as soon as he walked into the hospital. he was getting it from the nurses and of course, the residents. The hospital was a buzz. he had left Rose and Meredith for his ex-wife who was now knocked up. He was happy that he only had to deal with it for a short amount of time since he was only in to see Richard.

"He's ready to see you now Dr. Shepard." Patricia informed him.

"Thank you." He said, then walked into Richard's office.

"Richard."

"Derek, I didn't expect to see you back so soon. Have a seat." Richard motioned to the chair in front of his desk.

"Believe me, I wasn't expecting to be back this soon myself."

"Well, from what I've heard, you've caused quite the stir in my hospital. Now, you know I don't like to listen to the gossip in this place, but it was hard to avoid."

"I know...and yes, it's true. Meredith and I are over."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised. How's Addie?"

"She's doing well. We had a scare while I was there..." at the concern that cross Richard's face, Derek quickly waved him off, "...but they're all going to be okay...we're having twins." He delivered with a smile.

"Well...well...that's just wonderful news! I'm sure Addie's thrilled."

"She is. Although, she's having a hard time really enjoying the moment because of the risks involved with a pregnancy at her age. I told her that she knows every precaution and that she's in the best hands possible, her own. Plus, she has Naomi, who she trusts just as much."

"So why are you here?"

"Because she asked me to leave."

"i'm gonna ask you again, what are you doing here? Derek, I've known you both for a very long time, enough to know that you two belong together. Now, I have stood back and watched you make a mess of things with two women that are like daughters to me, knowing that one of them would eventually be hurt by you. I knew Meredith didn't stand a chance. if that girl had seen the way you looked at Addison before the affair, she never would have gotten mixed up with you. You have to stop and take a stand, fight for her Derek, but I mean really fight. That's all Addison needs from you. she needs to be sure, since you've given her plenty to doubt you for. I'll take this meeting as your notice, and I'm here for any recommendation." With that he stood up to shake Derek's hand.

"Richard...I...I don't know, what...I mean..." Derek stuttered as he stood up.

"It's okay Derek, I get it. I made several mistakes myself. one of them was getting swept away with a Grey, but when I came out of whatever it was that I was experiencing, all I wanted was my wife. So go do what you have to do. don't let this job or anything else hold you back from being with her. Addison will fight you on it, but only because she wants it so badly and is afraid to trust it."  
"Thank you Richard! You're a good man."

XXXXXXXXX

"This was actually a really great idea!" Addison said as she licked her ice cream cone.

"I told you. I knew today would be a perfect day to take a stroll at the pier. I'd say we should get on a few of the rides, but I don't think that will bode well for..."he said with a smile as he gestured towards her growing belly, "the twins." he finished.

"Plus, you'd have to deal with Naomi's wrath." she chuckled lightly at Sam's reaction, then quickly followed up with "Sam! I'm joking!"

He quickly shook his head as to not unnecessarily worry her. "I know you were, but you're right! I definitely do not want to deal with that." he jokingly emphasized. "So what do you feel like doing next?" he asked, changing the subject.

"How about we go grocery shopping and I cook you dinner tonight?" she offered with a smile.

"That sounds perfect. You wanna head out now?"

"How about we walk to the end of the pier and then go?" She cocked her head to the side and gave him her biggest smile as if she needed to convince him.

"Lead the way."

XXXXXXXXX

"Samuel Bennett! Stop that! I won't be able to eat when the food's ready."

"Just one more..." he stopped mid way as she swatted at his hands.

"You..." she pointed at him and then at the couch, "...go sit now."

"Fine, I'll go sit." he said as he half pouted like a child and then walked towards the living area.

As soon as he saw Naomi, he realized he had just stood her up for Addison. He instantly tensed up.

"Sam, as expected, I knew I'd find you here...Addison." She turn towards the kitchen and saw Addison a bit hunched over. Friend and doctor mode took over and she headed towards her friend, ignoring Sam. Sam was at Addison's side as well. "Addison, what's wrong?"

"I'm just having a little bit of pain."

"Okay...I want you to breathe. have you been on your feet all day?"

"Sort of, we..."

"I took her to lunch, then a walk at the pier. I should have known better than to exert her like this."

"Sam, it's fine. you distracted me." Nai eyed Sam and he looked away.

"Come on Addie, let's go to the couch so you can get off your feet." Addison obliged, but stopped to ask, "What about the food?"

"I can finish cooking it up and all three of us can eat." Sam suggested with a smile. Addison returned his smile, but Naomi was not having it. He slowly made his way to the kitchen and let Naomi take care of Addie.

"How's the pain?" Nai asked, concerned.

"It's gone." Addison simply replied. "It scared me a little."

"I bet! Addie, you can't over exert yourself. I think you need to extend your leave for a couple more weeks and try to relax."

"I think I will. Do you think I can fly to Seattle?"

"I suppose, but you just need to...wait, why Seattle?"

"I need to see Derek, I shouldn't have let him go. He wanted to stay...and at times like this, I wish he was here."

"Let's make a deal. You come in early tomorrow so I can check you out before you leave, and if everything looks good, you can go." Addison nodded in understanding and appreciation.

"Are you gonna call him to let him know?"

"Yes. I'll call him after I make arrangements for the private plane." They were interrupted by Sam's voice. "Dinner is ready!"

"Hello?"

"Derek"

"Addie, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just got checked out by Naomi and she said I was in good shape."

"That's great! I was worried."

"I know, so was I...I think I made a mistake...telling you to go and make it work with Meredith. What the hell was I thinking?"

"I don't know, but I understood. Listen Addie, I gave my two weeks notice, I'm moving to Los Angeles to be near you and the twins."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was hoping that I could convince you to say yes."

"Of course! I was actually just headed to the airport to fly out to you and tell you what a mistake it was for you to leave."

"Naomi approved you flying?"

"Yes, she did."

"Do you still want to come and wait out the two weeks with me?"

"I do."

"When do you get in?"

"Around 12:30pm, will you come get me?"

"Nah...you should probably take a cab..."

"Derek!" They both burst out in laughter.

"Of course I'll come get you silly, it would be my pleasure.

"It should be." she said with a smile, "See you soon."

"See you soon...and Addie?"

"Yes"

"I love you."

"I love you too"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_There's a cold heart, buried beneath,_

_and warm blood, running deep._

_Secrets - are mine to keep_

_protected by silent sleep_

_I'm not ready, I'm not ready_

_for the weight of us, for the weight of us_

_for the weight of us, for the weight of all of us_

_The time has come, let us be brave..._

_Shake off all of your sins, the time has come, let us be brave, let us be brave_

Sorry for the long wait and the short update, but I really wanted to get something up. Hope you're all still reading. I'm gonna try and update my other stories as well. Life has been extremely busy, but I hope to dedicate more time to my writing.


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